Dear Estonians,
On our (Finns) visit we wondered some aspects Estonian social and cultural life. Sorry if these topics seem to be discussed too often! I really would appreciate your insider thoughts. I am genuinely trying to understand your culture from the perspective of Finland. We also visited Latvia and Lithuania.
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**Question 1:** It seems well recognized that “Estonians do not smile / smile rarely”. For example, in grocery shop very rarely did other people smile, including also the sellers. *My question is, what would smiling would mean to you? On what cases you would smile (to a stranger)?*
This phenomena is rarely explained on Internet. The best explanation I found was that smiling is equated with laughing. Thus, as there is nothing funny/amusing going on, it would be inapproproate to smile (and raise for example questions, “are you laughing at me?”). Is this accurate explanation?
To me, as a finn, smiling in social situation just signals general acceptance and openneness to collaboration. It is true also we smile quite sparingly to strangers, but in many cases small smiles are considered appropriate, even with strangers (e.g., when avoiding collision in shops, or just wishing to express polite kindedness).
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**Question 2:** *If smiling is not the way to indicate that you consider other people, are there some other social cues to convey this?* For example, if two people almost collide into each other (e.g., to take the same path, or take something from the shelf), or if something slightly embarassing is occurring (e.g., the cashier makes some mistake and we have to wait until he/she clarifies it).
If I wish to be most polite, what is the correct way to be? Is it best to act like nothing particular is happening? Perhaps just look away and act like nothing special is going on? Would a native crack a joke?
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**Question 3:** *How appropriate it is for a native to demonstrate and show wealth? if someone is showing he/she is very rich (e.g., has super fancy car and clothes), is is accepted, hated, envied or admired?*
I understand this is a complex topic. Statistically, Estonia seems to have much more equal income compared to Latvia and Lithuania (see [EU stats](https://ec.europa.eu/eurostat/statistics-explained/index.php?title=File:Inequality_of_income_distribution_%E2%80%94_income_quintile_share_ratio,_2018_SILC20.png)). I wonder if you have thoughts how the socialist history has influenced this. For example, perhaps your (grand)parents lived during the socialist era, and it was the younger generations that had better opportunities to get rich. Are the openly rich people considered to have achieved maximal freedom and success, or are they just considerded to be too smug and brag? Do you think they consider being “better people” than others? I found one [scientific study](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0268580908088899?casa_token=s0vdxUcz3EoAAAAA:liD8xxlL2-OJEsMAjKNVhHKmOGzTgMJ5x8av4b-H3UdRtod2US1EUi59xFTr9bgmt3ftbIG3dZwC) on this topic but would like to hear your insider personal thoughts?
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**Question 4:** *What would you define as the most characteristic (or even stereotypic) differences between Estonian, Latvian and Liethuanian cultures?*
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I appreaciate all answers and apologies for perhaps doing many stereotypical assumptions. I also realize that there are many kind of people in every country, as well as that all the cultural perspectives are relative and depend on the context. If you are interested, I am open to express my thoughts on the same topics in Finland as well.
7 comments
1. I smile when im happy and it comes naturally. I don’t ever force a smile. Feels weird. But if i feel good and smile at the salesperson at the store, they usually smile back. It’s fine if they don’t.
2. If two people collide they mumble something like “sorry” or “oh” and they smile. This smile is quick and comes from the corners of the mouth OR the eyes. It’s quick and indicates that you understand the situation.
3. Going out of your way to show wealth is a sign of a superiority complex. Wearing nice clothes and having a nice car is fine if you have those things for you, not to demonstrate your financial superiority to others. We understand that money does not equate to brains or strength.
4. I love my southern bros. No answer.
These are my feelings on this. I feel that i’ve represented my demographic group well. There will be other opinions.
First of all, you’re over thinking this 🙂 Estonians are a mixed bag like most other nations.
People who are happy with their lives tend to smile (and laugh) more, however most of us are barely making ends meet (especially cashiers at grocery store) so not much to smile about. We smile when there’s a reason to smile which I think makes us bit more sincere.
Showing off your wealth is more common to “Estonians” with slavic background. They are more likely to buy new BMW or flashing chlothes etc before moving out of their parents house.
Up/down votes will show many agree with this 🙂
1. A generalisation – young people smile more, older generations have seen some shit and some have developed a more serious demeanour.
2. You say smth short like “oops, sorry!” and move on.
3. Showing off is usually considered distasteful and will likely get you ridiculed behind your back. Humbleness is considered a good trait.
4. Estonians don’t usually know much about Latvian or Lithuanian cultures. Sure, there’s some joint history and people might know some classic things (such as Riga palsam and that weird tower dessert from Lithuania) but generally any kind of “baltic identity” is a myth. Never met a Latvian or Lithuanian while living in Tallinn, plenty of people from other countries.
Q1) We have a long history where smiling means that the other party is interested in you and wants to get something from you. We still had 50 years of Soviet power and you always had to be careful who you told something to. If you told something to a member of the KGB, you could end up in prison.
All this has left its mark, trust no one.
Q2) If you bump into someone, apologize.
If the cashier makes a mistake (he’s still human after all), give him time. The cashier is not usually to blame.
Q3) Those who are not really rich, they have more money than the average person, consider themselves rich and show it. We don’t have oligarchs. We do have rich people, but they don’t buy yachts, islands, etc. that cost millions. No golden toilets etc. Estonians usually want to keep to themselves and in silence.
Q4) We don’t rush, we think and then act. That’s why we are considered slow. We don’t have the Slavic/South European temperament to get fired up right away.
Unless we are drunk …
4: there is probably no cultural connection between Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania. Probably only hate against Russia, which is reasonable. Lithuanians have been an “empire”. Latvia was formed from a group of smaller nations.
1. Idk abt other ppl but I (16) smile when I have a good day and try to smile to strangers bc that usually makes my day better so why not make theirs too
2. I just apologize n move on w my shit
3. Showing wealth in an obvious way is tacky imo, like if u dress nicely n have a nice car, it’s cool but if u go out of your way to show that u have them (think clothes w gucci logos everywhere or revving ur car just to show that it can do that) it’s just icky
4. Estonians are really into it and tech stuff, Latvians are like estonians but they speak a weird language and maybe a bit less techy n lithuanians are just latvians but even less techy (imo)
Hope this helps?
1) we don’t really greet people we don’t know, unless we want to approach that person or it’s in the store or sth. A smile is also a greeting, but could just be a shared funny moment. People won’t mind if you smile.
2) in that case you just apologize
3) at least in the society I keep, showing off wealth is seen as impractical and crass. But I’ve heard of others who feel competitive about having an expensive car. Don’t know, sounds stupid. Estonians spend first on housing, second on a car and third on everything else like clothes, food etc. Actually house appliances are also before clothing and gadgets too as opposed to clothes that don’t have any cool functions. Wearing luxury brands and taking the public transport is not the estonian way.
4) lithuanians used to be conquerors so they have a different mentality and culture, closer to bigger nations. Latvians have a very similar culture to estonia, imo the closest.