Not one medical professional even spoke to me when we lost ours.
Obviously I’m not the focus there, but still. Sat in the gynae ward with women giving me evils knowing we had lost our baby was shit.
We lost our baby and it absolutely broke us. There was plenty of help offered to my wife, but for me, nothing. I had to hold everything together for both of us, we got there in the end, but it was so hard.
Two times this year. Its been utterly brutal. Almost lost the mum too. Wasn’t prepared for the after effects. Just thankful for my work colleagues tbh.
Maybe, it’s different in England now but 30 years ago we suffered 3 maybe 4 miscarriages and there was ZERO support. Our GP was very helpful, I would say a guardian angel. For the hospital, my wife was just a statistic and I was just an overhead of a nuisance. My wife was told to get on with life and I was told to drum some sense into her.
My partner and I (England) have had 3 in the last 18 months. He’s taken it worse than me and I’m the only support he has. When support was offered, it was only directed towards me and not him.
My ex miscarried five times. I was there for every single one of them and still, more than twenty years later, have nightmares and depression from it. There was zero help available for me.
Just chiming in because I don’t think guys talk about this topic nearly enough, love to all of you as you try to bear your respective losses 😢
We lost a baby girl at 20 weeks. They had to deliver her with my wife under general anaesthetic as she had emotionally shut down after a day of trying to deliver a baby who we knew was going to die.
I felt like a child myself as I asked the doctors whether there was anything they could do to preserve this tiny life, only to be told that she would basically be left to die. It broke our hearts.
I remember the day of the funeral and one of the undertakers telling me that he and his wife had done this (buried a baby) three times. I don’t know how he managed to stay so calm in the face of such loss.
8 years and 2 beautiful healthy children later and the memory still reduces me to tears. The daft thing? I feel guilty because we actually ended up with kids, I know some aren’t so lucky.
Week of the scan my wife started to bleed. We went to A&E – we don’t do scans on a sunday – sent home. The offered appointment was after our 3 month one so we did that instead.
No baby, a very sympathetic Doctor and Nurse.
“Do you want a memory box?”
I nearly laughed. I never want to remember that ever again.
That was all we got.
Horrible to read some of the experiences here, my wife and I went through this during the pandemic.
she had to attend the scan on her own and they weren’t allowed to use a separate room for her to have some privacy after she was told.
Hearing about her experience when she got home was absolutely heartbreaking; thankfully she did have help and support but like many here it didn’t extend to me.
I think most men in that situation feel as though they need to be they support and end up not being able to grieve properly
9 comments
Not one medical professional even spoke to me when we lost ours.
Obviously I’m not the focus there, but still. Sat in the gynae ward with women giving me evils knowing we had lost our baby was shit.
We lost our baby and it absolutely broke us. There was plenty of help offered to my wife, but for me, nothing. I had to hold everything together for both of us, we got there in the end, but it was so hard.
Two times this year. Its been utterly brutal. Almost lost the mum too. Wasn’t prepared for the after effects. Just thankful for my work colleagues tbh.
Maybe, it’s different in England now but 30 years ago we suffered 3 maybe 4 miscarriages and there was ZERO support. Our GP was very helpful, I would say a guardian angel. For the hospital, my wife was just a statistic and I was just an overhead of a nuisance. My wife was told to get on with life and I was told to drum some sense into her.
My partner and I (England) have had 3 in the last 18 months. He’s taken it worse than me and I’m the only support he has. When support was offered, it was only directed towards me and not him.
My ex miscarried five times. I was there for every single one of them and still, more than twenty years later, have nightmares and depression from it. There was zero help available for me.
Just chiming in because I don’t think guys talk about this topic nearly enough, love to all of you as you try to bear your respective losses 😢
We lost a baby girl at 20 weeks. They had to deliver her with my wife under general anaesthetic as she had emotionally shut down after a day of trying to deliver a baby who we knew was going to die.
I felt like a child myself as I asked the doctors whether there was anything they could do to preserve this tiny life, only to be told that she would basically be left to die. It broke our hearts.
I remember the day of the funeral and one of the undertakers telling me that he and his wife had done this (buried a baby) three times. I don’t know how he managed to stay so calm in the face of such loss.
8 years and 2 beautiful healthy children later and the memory still reduces me to tears. The daft thing? I feel guilty because we actually ended up with kids, I know some aren’t so lucky.
Week of the scan my wife started to bleed. We went to A&E – we don’t do scans on a sunday – sent home. The offered appointment was after our 3 month one so we did that instead.
No baby, a very sympathetic Doctor and Nurse.
“Do you want a memory box?”
I nearly laughed. I never want to remember that ever again.
That was all we got.
Horrible to read some of the experiences here, my wife and I went through this during the pandemic.
she had to attend the scan on her own and they weren’t allowed to use a separate room for her to have some privacy after she was told.
Hearing about her experience when she got home was absolutely heartbreaking; thankfully she did have help and support but like many here it didn’t extend to me.
I think most men in that situation feel as though they need to be they support and end up not being able to grieve properly