This isn’t exactly a surprise, given the emotion that is generated by abuse claims. On the other hand we cannot let genuine abusers get away with it by invoking this whenever anyone makes a claim of abuse.
I know of one case where a bloke was being mentally abused by their wife and her checkmate move to get rid of him and get him out of the house was to fabricate an abuse story.
Many years ago I knew someone whose ex-partner “did him a favour” by not involving the CSA, she would regularly use that as a threat against him if he did not do what she wanted. Absolutely awful.
I think this happens much more than is recorded, all the domestic abuse charities refer to ‘she’ as the victim and ‘he’ as the perpetrator. There are also no DV shelters for men. All of this leads men to feel ashamed and so they won’t report it and the woman just goes on to do it again and again. The man in my family who is abused had his phone smashed up and his car keys taken, his clothes locked in the car. He couldn’t get to work. This is after years of her threatening that he wouldn’t see the kids.
They should call this “Amber Hearding”
This happened to my uncle. Hes fought in afghanistan bit this has hit him harder
My nephew is in a relationship exactly like this. His wife controls every aspect of his life. Changes the PIN number on his bank card every week and threatens him with taking away his children and calling the police to say he’s abusive. She even locked him in the flat one time after he’d started a new job which was going really well for him. Needless to say he lost the job.
Nobody can get through to him that he’s in a serious abusive relationship. She’s managed to convince him that his parental rights will automatically be removed and she can get him arrested with one phone call.
Clearly I can’t fucking stand her. I really hope he gets the courage to leave her.
As a young guy in my 20s, it seriously worries me. Yet, a lot of women my age still spew on Instagram about the ‘all men are abusers’ angle. Things need to change in order for true equality.
In the UK you can obtain legal aid for divorce if you are a victim of abuse. Desperate women use this card frequently, wasting police time and harming the likelihood of belief for those who actually are abused
I think most people know this but it generally doesnt get much attention
Got a friend that’s going through this at the moment. The sad thing is that she’s taken the kid and only let him speak to her through face time for 30 mins twice a week. His lawyer has told him that it’ll probably 18 month until he gets to see his daughter again.
Also found out from my dad a few months ago that my grandma was very abusive to my grandad. When she died he said he was so relived.
Nothing will be done anyways. The amount of psychological and emotional abuse men are subjected to is underrepresented and will stay this way. It’s basically legal to discriminate against you as long as you’re a man. Additional possibility if you’re white, but that’s not relevant in THIS particular case
Happened to me, thankfully for me nobody believed the accusations – but could have been VERY different
My ex threatened to tell everyone that I raped her. I didn’t and never have, to which she’d say “they won’t believe you though”. This happened when I was trying to dump her. After that stopped working, she moved on to saying she’ll kill herself.
Once, we were in a heated argument outside about her faking a pregnancy (I know…) and as we passed a police station she screamed “RAAAAPPPEEE!!”
God, what a horrible person. Took me years to recover from that relationship.
The Police are conditioned by the media to automatically believe the woman.
Happened to a close friend.
He got with this girl last Christmas time, ended early January, mid March he gets served with a notice saying he needs to appear in court.
The statement she wrote up about him was like she went on Pinterest and typed in ‘things abusers say in movies’ and chose all the most bombastic and cliché stuff she could see.
She went through a charity to do this all, didn’t turn up to court, he had all the receipts he needed to prove it was all bullshit, the case was thrown out in his favour, and the girl actually ended up owing the charity a bunch of money.
Later found out she has a history of doing this, had done it at least 3 times to 3 different dudes before my mate.
I’m not going to read this as it’s the BBC and we all know their angle will be ‘it’s only someone’s say-so, women are always the victims in reality’.
I was in an abusive relationship for ten years. I was punched, kicked, had stuff thrown at me, was threatened with being kicked out if I went to see my family, had to hand over every penny I earned or I was to be kicked out. She’d start a row every time I wanted to see my friends. I became isolated, brainwashed into thinking I was always in the wrong. Not once did I raise a finger against her.
This attitude women = good, men = bad makes me sick to the stomach. I’ve lived though what women can do.
At least in a fight with a bloke the worst that happens is I lose a tooth or something. I’d take that any day over years of emotional abuse at the hands of a fucked up female.
This has been happening for a long time. Before the laws took place. My mum abused these to keep me from my dad to punish him. Ruined mine and my brothers life’s and my dads too.
I had a period of this, and it’s one of those harrowing things that sticks in your mind as you feel absolutely powerless.
Had a stand up argument with an abusive ex, they stormed off – shortly after I went after and apologised to try and diffuse the situation so we came back inside. 15 mins later sirens pulled up outside and she gave me this look I will never forget where she just said I’m really sorry’… we resolved it with the police but I remember them just looking at me like an absolute cunt. I still look back and think what might have happened if I hadn’t chased after her… thank god that chapter of my life is closed!
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I was on holiday in Cyprus. Late afternoon/early evening. I was walking with my wife.
A girl, a young woman I’d guess in her early 20’s came running out of a bar into the street. She was upset but not in a scared way, she was clearly angry about something. She tried to hail a cab and was yelling. She was perhaps 2-3m from us at the time. I asked her if she was ok, if she needed any help and I swear as God made little green apple trees she looked me square in the eyes, with a clarity that still leaves me cold and screamed ‘RAPE!’ as loud as she could.
I’ll never forget it. It was THAT easy for her to invoke the natural law of human behaviour, I was trying to help for just a moment and since she was already angry for whatever reason she used it as a weapon.
We both immediately stepped back away and left.
I’ve genuinely thought about it a lot. I have become quite angry at times, but I still don’t know what would have been an appropriate response. It’s the ultimate power play I guess and I was left feeling truly quite upset.
I’ve never forgotten it. In broad daylight, while with my wife and in public she had the audacity to scream rape when I was simply a man and clearly not a threat.
I have subsequently become deeply suspicious of anyone who makes the accusation. If it was completely spurious in my case I wonder how many more are too.
Can confirm this is true and accurate and can personally relate also
This shit is also quite often assisted by Social Services and Womens groups who hate men.
You’ll be called an MRA incel who is taking attention away from the Real Victims™ if you talk about this by the way.
This happened to my mate. He wanted a DNA test on a baby that the mother said was his (they slept together once) and she called the police to tell them that he was trying to hurt the baby.
Group of squaddies over at his house with him in cuffs not long after that
I should be surprised, but I’m not. This is the inevitable outcome when people have spent years demonising men.
The fact that men don’t get the help and support needed in regards to DV speaks volumes and the second somebody brings it up, it gets buried.
I had a friend who, when he was a teacher in his early 20s, was accused by a teenage girl of inappropriate conduct after a class. He was suspended from teaching and rejected from the Special Constabulary.
It turns out she did it in revenge because he was there when her older brother was arrested, but by that time my friend’s name was already dirtied. It was later revealed (and probably known by every legal person involved the case) that she had a history of similar false allegations and behaviours but this wasn’t allowed to be revealed as character evidence in the trial.
Yep, this
Threats to report are a pretty common domestic abise tactic levelled against men.
It’s examples like this which lead white working class men to the far right and into the arms of extremists like Andrew Tate/ Tommy Robinson.
These people feel increasingly ignored and flock to the one group that appears to care about them. Because genuine issues like these are buried by the media and certain parts of feminism.
There are only 20 mens refuges in the entire country. Men are assumed to be guilty, before proven innocent, even if the claim is a form of abuse- society enables it.
A man, legally, can’t be raped by a woman, as it the legal definition involves penetration with a penis. If a women rapes a man, it’s sexual assualt- carrying a lesser sentence (4 years prison vs community order are the minimum sentences for each). When even the law undermines male rape victims, how can male victims be taken seriously? How many will even report it, knowing the law doesn’t take them as seriously?
They’re constantly being told that they are potential abusers, rapists and racists, but that it’s also seen as impossible to abuse, rape or be racist to a white man.
For the record, I’m not a Tory, or right wing. But I do worry about the future of the social justice/ equality movement when it demonises this demographic and champions double standards.
There was a video on publicfreakout that kind of shows this point in a way, like some seriously fucked up shit that if he wasn’t recording would have been impossible to prove.
‘Coercive control’ also known as emotional manipulation.
People are only realising now? Misandry is also dangerous when unchecked, misogyny and Misandry needs to be stopped the believe all women movement is hurting innocent people, take Johnny Depp for example, he was abused for years and she who shall not be named pulled the abuse card
if I had a pound for every girl I’ve met that had some bs “so I phone the police and said he tried to rape me” story, I’d have a new pair of shoes
it’s rare but the take away is – people lie, people exploit, people abuse
My brother’s mate claimed the allegations against him were false, right up until he killed his ex and his (former) step-son and months of his previous psychological abuse of his partner, sexual assault and stalking came out in court, with death threat text messages going back 3 or 4 years (they had only been split about 18 months or so).
His friend group had been incensed on his behalf that his ex wouldn’t let him keep up a paternal relationship with her child, who he had been a father-figure to for most of his life.
Made me very wary about believing anyone’s side of the story without closer knowledge of the facts.
Gets very little attention, unfortunately. Men who have been falsely accused of interactions with women and the fall out affect on their lives could literally be it’s own metoo movement.
I anticipate a savvy person to arrive and attempt to highlight the perspective that men are more likely to be sexually abused than falsely accused of assault or some other snarky twist of facts that some groups like to drum up.
The amount of false accusations in work places and other environments that don’t get reported is very high. In my workplace there have been x2 seperate cases involving male workers, one reported the other not. Another case where a workers brother married to a woman with a child was accused by that child of abuse over a prolonged period of time. Ruined his marriage, case was thrown out. He DIED from the stress and disruption it caused him.
The emotional abuse men in DV situations face is also high, the narrative of it being a one way street is an injustice that denies men fair treatment.
SIMILAR BUT NOT AS SERIOUS:
My wife and I were having an argument/discussion. No abuse, no yelling. But, she didn’t like what I was saying, and she threatened to call the police and claim domestic abuse if I didn’t stop saying it.
This is why we can’t simply believe all women. Enough of them lie for their own benefit. When people have a weapon, they use it. Women have used other men and the law as weapons forever, and they always will. And, many of them will hate me for saying that.
And people want to make it even easier to persecute men.
My close childhood friend is currently being abused by his girlfriend.
He met her a few years ago and she kept on the sniffing drugs (he tried to quit but he failed. It was his failure, but he kicked her out and brought her back because they used together) . They had a child together and that child was taken away before it was even born. He even kicked her out, got clean and went to court to get full custody (that was before he got back on the sniff).
She convinced him that he is the abuser, he told me that she said he abused her child (that she brought with her from her old relationship – she had 4 before she met him but all are in care,.. now THAT child and the child she had with him are in care). It was because he apparently gave the kid a bruise or something… When he told me, he was so ashamed but he would never hurt a child or anything like that. In fact, I remember seeing her slap her own child in the face because the child was crying asking for mummy. She laughed and walked away. I was ready to swing at her, but i didn’t, ofc. I’m a man and it wasn’t my place… In those situations you just dont know what to do…
Recently, she has been given a cancer diagnosis. She doesn’t get all her treatments and would rather sniff drugs. He is going through hell, his grandad (who they live in) is also dying (in and out of hosptial)… So he has his GF dying of cancer, his grandad in and out of hospital and him in the middle with NO support (except me, that’s about it really). He is still on those fucking drugs too….
About 2 weeks ago he quit his job *sigh* she convinced him that she has a rich family member who owns a farm which they could both move to and he could work the farm (my friend always had a dream of owning a farm with crops and animals and all that kind of stuff). The dream she sold him is totally catered to his personality. She told him the grounds are totally untouched so there might be viking artefacts underneath the soil (he is really into viking lately (last year or so) so clearly its another one of her telling him what he wants to hear)
I am trying to tell him that life will get better and that in 5 years, he will still be here but his GF and grandad will likely be dead. I want him to get through it. But the fact she got him to quit his job so now HE is dependant on HER benefits money is a fucking joke.
I genuinely think she might try to kill him with the drugs. She sent a text to my friends mother saying he “overdosed” the other night, (something my mum told me about a few days ago). I need to see him to make sure he’s okay. I genuinely can see her trying to kill him because she is dying anyway.
I hope he makes it out of that situation.
When he broke up with her, he even went through therapy for mental abuse.
When I try to tell people, they just think my friend needs to man up and leave her. People don’t understand what abuse against men looks like. I do, and it’s awful.
I know many will not understand this – but I hope she dies sooner than later. (and i am fucking sorry if someone who has experienced cancer has read this and felt awful I wrote that – cancer is awful and i dont wish it on ANYONE. but she needs to hurry up and die. I have little sympathy for soeone who will slap a child and laugh at that childs face, especially their own child who is literally just crying asking for “mummy”… she can go to hell and stay there).
Again, I genuinely apologise if im a bit strong there, It’s not against anyone expect this one person I know. I hate myself for thinking this way, but I **have** to be honest.
And of course, my friend is to blame… But I hate how when I spend 30 minutes with him, he starts off as this angry, bitter, resentful, awful person – then after that 30 minutes, he becomes his normal, empathetic, caring self again. that acutal human being that he used to be… Im sick of him complaining about “the world is full of hate and evilness” and him saying ” everyone should just get along and be nice to each other” I wanna shake him and say “EVERYONE IS NICE TO OTHER”. I want him to see the real world is full of loving, caring and nice people who DO care about him. It’s just this fucking abuser that makes him think the world is against him.
God I hate her and wish she’d fuck off back to where she came from.
My ex SIL has been abusing my brother for years. From physical to money to isolation etc. He wasn’t even allowed to buy new clothes. She nearly killed him when his appendix burst but she had to be priority. He finally saw her for what she was and split. She kidnapped the kids from school and disappeared with them then went to police and accused him of coercive control abuse. One of the things listed was ‘he deliberately popped champagne corks to scare me’.
She had her brother turn up and block him in the house then brought the kids along to watch him get arrested.
Charges got dropped as she was stupid enough to carry on a campaign of abuse and harassment of both him and our extended family. Well her and her extended family did. They all got warned off and charges got dropped. My brother could easily disprove everything she accused.
Now she is using the kids. They are going to court. He tried mediation , she wouldn’t go. She has moved the kids and he doesn’t know where. And she is still harassing him, in phone and turning up to his house.
It’s a huge ongoing mess and she is as vicious and malicious as you can get. I feel so sorry for the kids.
And also for all the women who are in a coercive control relationship who are much less likely to be believed because of women like her who are happy to lie to destroy someone’s life.
when treated a monster…. may as well act like one :/
My ex-wife would self-harm after we’d had an argument, then go to the doctor and say “look what he did to me”. If I noticed the bruises, she’d wave them away with a breezy “I walked into the table” or suchlike. I only found out after she full-on attacked me and then went to the cops, pulling out her medical history in court. It was maybe the worst moment of my life that far, but it was only the start of my troubles. That was 20 years ago, but I will spend the rest of my life living with the consequences. I could, indeed I *want* to talk about it for hours, but where, and to whom? Therapy? Been there, done that, it only gets you so far, even if you can find a therapist who doesn’t look at you sideways.
They only just figured this out! Some women can be assholes when it comes to this type of thing. I’m talking straight up evil. Don’t believe all women.
so glad this is getting recognized. happened to me, I believe my ex was nudged towards making false abuse allegations, and more than happy to do so as she threatened me. this was like 5 years ago and I had counselling but it is still affecting me. there is a huge bias towards believing and favouriing the woman in divorce cases, I never had the opportunity to defend myself or refute any of these allegations, as I was self representing.
I am still in a very bad place mentally because my ex made up claims of abuse. She stopped our sons from seeing me for nearly 2 years. Cafcass told me I should ‘leave it in the past’.
Her behaviour throughout our time together was controlling but as I have Autism I never noticed anything amiss.
Oh and top it off, she had at least 12 affairs, then ended things when she ran off with a man who has more money. She was pregnant with his daughter six weeks after leaving me.
45 comments
This isn’t exactly a surprise, given the emotion that is generated by abuse claims. On the other hand we cannot let genuine abusers get away with it by invoking this whenever anyone makes a claim of abuse.
I know of one case where a bloke was being mentally abused by their wife and her checkmate move to get rid of him and get him out of the house was to fabricate an abuse story.
Many years ago I knew someone whose ex-partner “did him a favour” by not involving the CSA, she would regularly use that as a threat against him if he did not do what she wanted. Absolutely awful.
I think this happens much more than is recorded, all the domestic abuse charities refer to ‘she’ as the victim and ‘he’ as the perpetrator. There are also no DV shelters for men. All of this leads men to feel ashamed and so they won’t report it and the woman just goes on to do it again and again. The man in my family who is abused had his phone smashed up and his car keys taken, his clothes locked in the car. He couldn’t get to work. This is after years of her threatening that he wouldn’t see the kids.
They should call this “Amber Hearding”
This happened to my uncle. Hes fought in afghanistan bit this has hit him harder
My nephew is in a relationship exactly like this. His wife controls every aspect of his life. Changes the PIN number on his bank card every week and threatens him with taking away his children and calling the police to say he’s abusive. She even locked him in the flat one time after he’d started a new job which was going really well for him. Needless to say he lost the job.
Nobody can get through to him that he’s in a serious abusive relationship. She’s managed to convince him that his parental rights will automatically be removed and she can get him arrested with one phone call.
Clearly I can’t fucking stand her. I really hope he gets the courage to leave her.
As a young guy in my 20s, it seriously worries me. Yet, a lot of women my age still spew on Instagram about the ‘all men are abusers’ angle. Things need to change in order for true equality.
In the UK you can obtain legal aid for divorce if you are a victim of abuse. Desperate women use this card frequently, wasting police time and harming the likelihood of belief for those who actually are abused
I think most people know this but it generally doesnt get much attention
Got a friend that’s going through this at the moment. The sad thing is that she’s taken the kid and only let him speak to her through face time for 30 mins twice a week. His lawyer has told him that it’ll probably 18 month until he gets to see his daughter again.
Also found out from my dad a few months ago that my grandma was very abusive to my grandad. When she died he said he was so relived.
Nothing will be done anyways. The amount of psychological and emotional abuse men are subjected to is underrepresented and will stay this way. It’s basically legal to discriminate against you as long as you’re a man. Additional possibility if you’re white, but that’s not relevant in THIS particular case
Happened to me, thankfully for me nobody believed the accusations – but could have been VERY different
My ex threatened to tell everyone that I raped her. I didn’t and never have, to which she’d say “they won’t believe you though”. This happened when I was trying to dump her. After that stopped working, she moved on to saying she’ll kill herself.
Once, we were in a heated argument outside about her faking a pregnancy (I know…) and as we passed a police station she screamed “RAAAAPPPEEE!!”
God, what a horrible person. Took me years to recover from that relationship.
The Police are conditioned by the media to automatically believe the woman.
Happened to a close friend.
He got with this girl last Christmas time, ended early January, mid March he gets served with a notice saying he needs to appear in court.
The statement she wrote up about him was like she went on Pinterest and typed in ‘things abusers say in movies’ and chose all the most bombastic and cliché stuff she could see.
She went through a charity to do this all, didn’t turn up to court, he had all the receipts he needed to prove it was all bullshit, the case was thrown out in his favour, and the girl actually ended up owing the charity a bunch of money.
Later found out she has a history of doing this, had done it at least 3 times to 3 different dudes before my mate.
I’m not going to read this as it’s the BBC and we all know their angle will be ‘it’s only someone’s say-so, women are always the victims in reality’.
I was in an abusive relationship for ten years. I was punched, kicked, had stuff thrown at me, was threatened with being kicked out if I went to see my family, had to hand over every penny I earned or I was to be kicked out. She’d start a row every time I wanted to see my friends. I became isolated, brainwashed into thinking I was always in the wrong. Not once did I raise a finger against her.
This attitude women = good, men = bad makes me sick to the stomach. I’ve lived though what women can do.
At least in a fight with a bloke the worst that happens is I lose a tooth or something. I’d take that any day over years of emotional abuse at the hands of a fucked up female.
This has been happening for a long time. Before the laws took place. My mum abused these to keep me from my dad to punish him. Ruined mine and my brothers life’s and my dads too.
I had a period of this, and it’s one of those harrowing things that sticks in your mind as you feel absolutely powerless.
Had a stand up argument with an abusive ex, they stormed off – shortly after I went after and apologised to try and diffuse the situation so we came back inside. 15 mins later sirens pulled up outside and she gave me this look I will never forget where she just said I’m really sorry’… we resolved it with the police but I remember them just looking at me like an absolute cunt. I still look back and think what might have happened if I hadn’t chased after her… thank god that chapter of my life is closed!
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I was on holiday in Cyprus. Late afternoon/early evening. I was walking with my wife.
A girl, a young woman I’d guess in her early 20’s came running out of a bar into the street. She was upset but not in a scared way, she was clearly angry about something. She tried to hail a cab and was yelling. She was perhaps 2-3m from us at the time. I asked her if she was ok, if she needed any help and I swear as God made little green apple trees she looked me square in the eyes, with a clarity that still leaves me cold and screamed ‘RAPE!’ as loud as she could.
I’ll never forget it. It was THAT easy for her to invoke the natural law of human behaviour, I was trying to help for just a moment and since she was already angry for whatever reason she used it as a weapon.
We both immediately stepped back away and left.
I’ve genuinely thought about it a lot. I have become quite angry at times, but I still don’t know what would have been an appropriate response. It’s the ultimate power play I guess and I was left feeling truly quite upset.
I’ve never forgotten it. In broad daylight, while with my wife and in public she had the audacity to scream rape when I was simply a man and clearly not a threat.
I have subsequently become deeply suspicious of anyone who makes the accusation. If it was completely spurious in my case I wonder how many more are too.
Can confirm this is true and accurate and can personally relate also
This shit is also quite often assisted by Social Services and Womens groups who hate men.
You’ll be called an MRA incel who is taking attention away from the Real Victims™ if you talk about this by the way.
This happened to my mate. He wanted a DNA test on a baby that the mother said was his (they slept together once) and she called the police to tell them that he was trying to hurt the baby.
Group of squaddies over at his house with him in cuffs not long after that
I should be surprised, but I’m not. This is the inevitable outcome when people have spent years demonising men.
The fact that men don’t get the help and support needed in regards to DV speaks volumes and the second somebody brings it up, it gets buried.
I had a friend who, when he was a teacher in his early 20s, was accused by a teenage girl of inappropriate conduct after a class. He was suspended from teaching and rejected from the Special Constabulary.
It turns out she did it in revenge because he was there when her older brother was arrested, but by that time my friend’s name was already dirtied. It was later revealed (and probably known by every legal person involved the case) that she had a history of similar false allegations and behaviours but this wasn’t allowed to be revealed as character evidence in the trial.
Yep, this
Threats to report are a pretty common domestic abise tactic levelled against men.
It’s examples like this which lead white working class men to the far right and into the arms of extremists like Andrew Tate/ Tommy Robinson.
These people feel increasingly ignored and flock to the one group that appears to care about them. Because genuine issues like these are buried by the media and certain parts of feminism.
There are only 20 mens refuges in the entire country. Men are assumed to be guilty, before proven innocent, even if the claim is a form of abuse- society enables it.
A man, legally, can’t be raped by a woman, as it the legal definition involves penetration with a penis. If a women rapes a man, it’s sexual assualt- carrying a lesser sentence (4 years prison vs community order are the minimum sentences for each). When even the law undermines male rape victims, how can male victims be taken seriously? How many will even report it, knowing the law doesn’t take them as seriously?
They’re constantly being told that they are potential abusers, rapists and racists, but that it’s also seen as impossible to abuse, rape or be racist to a white man.
For the record, I’m not a Tory, or right wing. But I do worry about the future of the social justice/ equality movement when it demonises this demographic and champions double standards.
There was a video on publicfreakout that kind of shows this point in a way, like some seriously fucked up shit that if he wasn’t recording would have been impossible to prove.
https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/zm3wzq/crazy_old_lady_forces_imprisonment_on_worker/
‘Coercive control’ also known as emotional manipulation.
People are only realising now? Misandry is also dangerous when unchecked, misogyny and Misandry needs to be stopped the believe all women movement is hurting innocent people, take Johnny Depp for example, he was abused for years and she who shall not be named pulled the abuse card
if I had a pound for every girl I’ve met that had some bs “so I phone the police and said he tried to rape me” story, I’d have a new pair of shoes
it’s rare but the take away is – people lie, people exploit, people abuse
My brother’s mate claimed the allegations against him were false, right up until he killed his ex and his (former) step-son and months of his previous psychological abuse of his partner, sexual assault and stalking came out in court, with death threat text messages going back 3 or 4 years (they had only been split about 18 months or so).
His friend group had been incensed on his behalf that his ex wouldn’t let him keep up a paternal relationship with her child, who he had been a father-figure to for most of his life.
Made me very wary about believing anyone’s side of the story without closer knowledge of the facts.
Gets very little attention, unfortunately. Men who have been falsely accused of interactions with women and the fall out affect on their lives could literally be it’s own metoo movement.
I anticipate a savvy person to arrive and attempt to highlight the perspective that men are more likely to be sexually abused than falsely accused of assault or some other snarky twist of facts that some groups like to drum up.
The amount of false accusations in work places and other environments that don’t get reported is very high. In my workplace there have been x2 seperate cases involving male workers, one reported the other not. Another case where a workers brother married to a woman with a child was accused by that child of abuse over a prolonged period of time. Ruined his marriage, case was thrown out. He DIED from the stress and disruption it caused him.
The emotional abuse men in DV situations face is also high, the narrative of it being a one way street is an injustice that denies men fair treatment.
SIMILAR BUT NOT AS SERIOUS:
My wife and I were having an argument/discussion. No abuse, no yelling. But, she didn’t like what I was saying, and she threatened to call the police and claim domestic abuse if I didn’t stop saying it.
This is why we can’t simply believe all women. Enough of them lie for their own benefit. When people have a weapon, they use it. Women have used other men and the law as weapons forever, and they always will. And, many of them will hate me for saying that.
And people want to make it even easier to persecute men.
My close childhood friend is currently being abused by his girlfriend.
He met her a few years ago and she kept on the sniffing drugs (he tried to quit but he failed. It was his failure, but he kicked her out and brought her back because they used together) . They had a child together and that child was taken away before it was even born. He even kicked her out, got clean and went to court to get full custody (that was before he got back on the sniff).
She convinced him that he is the abuser, he told me that she said he abused her child (that she brought with her from her old relationship – she had 4 before she met him but all are in care,.. now THAT child and the child she had with him are in care). It was because he apparently gave the kid a bruise or something… When he told me, he was so ashamed but he would never hurt a child or anything like that. In fact, I remember seeing her slap her own child in the face because the child was crying asking for mummy. She laughed and walked away. I was ready to swing at her, but i didn’t, ofc. I’m a man and it wasn’t my place… In those situations you just dont know what to do…
Recently, she has been given a cancer diagnosis. She doesn’t get all her treatments and would rather sniff drugs. He is going through hell, his grandad (who they live in) is also dying (in and out of hosptial)… So he has his GF dying of cancer, his grandad in and out of hospital and him in the middle with NO support (except me, that’s about it really). He is still on those fucking drugs too….
About 2 weeks ago he quit his job *sigh* she convinced him that she has a rich family member who owns a farm which they could both move to and he could work the farm (my friend always had a dream of owning a farm with crops and animals and all that kind of stuff). The dream she sold him is totally catered to his personality. She told him the grounds are totally untouched so there might be viking artefacts underneath the soil (he is really into viking lately (last year or so) so clearly its another one of her telling him what he wants to hear)
I am trying to tell him that life will get better and that in 5 years, he will still be here but his GF and grandad will likely be dead. I want him to get through it. But the fact she got him to quit his job so now HE is dependant on HER benefits money is a fucking joke.
I genuinely think she might try to kill him with the drugs. She sent a text to my friends mother saying he “overdosed” the other night, (something my mum told me about a few days ago). I need to see him to make sure he’s okay. I genuinely can see her trying to kill him because she is dying anyway.
I hope he makes it out of that situation.
When he broke up with her, he even went through therapy for mental abuse.
When I try to tell people, they just think my friend needs to man up and leave her. People don’t understand what abuse against men looks like. I do, and it’s awful.
I know many will not understand this – but I hope she dies sooner than later. (and i am fucking sorry if someone who has experienced cancer has read this and felt awful I wrote that – cancer is awful and i dont wish it on ANYONE. but she needs to hurry up and die. I have little sympathy for soeone who will slap a child and laugh at that childs face, especially their own child who is literally just crying asking for “mummy”… she can go to hell and stay there).
Again, I genuinely apologise if im a bit strong there, It’s not against anyone expect this one person I know. I hate myself for thinking this way, but I **have** to be honest.
And of course, my friend is to blame… But I hate how when I spend 30 minutes with him, he starts off as this angry, bitter, resentful, awful person – then after that 30 minutes, he becomes his normal, empathetic, caring self again. that acutal human being that he used to be… Im sick of him complaining about “the world is full of hate and evilness” and him saying ” everyone should just get along and be nice to each other” I wanna shake him and say “EVERYONE IS NICE TO OTHER”. I want him to see the real world is full of loving, caring and nice people who DO care about him. It’s just this fucking abuser that makes him think the world is against him.
God I hate her and wish she’d fuck off back to where she came from.
My ex SIL has been abusing my brother for years. From physical to money to isolation etc. He wasn’t even allowed to buy new clothes. She nearly killed him when his appendix burst but she had to be priority. He finally saw her for what she was and split. She kidnapped the kids from school and disappeared with them then went to police and accused him of coercive control abuse. One of the things listed was ‘he deliberately popped champagne corks to scare me’.
She had her brother turn up and block him in the house then brought the kids along to watch him get arrested.
Charges got dropped as she was stupid enough to carry on a campaign of abuse and harassment of both him and our extended family. Well her and her extended family did. They all got warned off and charges got dropped. My brother could easily disprove everything she accused.
Now she is using the kids. They are going to court. He tried mediation , she wouldn’t go. She has moved the kids and he doesn’t know where. And she is still harassing him, in phone and turning up to his house.
It’s a huge ongoing mess and she is as vicious and malicious as you can get. I feel so sorry for the kids.
And also for all the women who are in a coercive control relationship who are much less likely to be believed because of women like her who are happy to lie to destroy someone’s life.
when treated a monster…. may as well act like one :/
My ex-wife would self-harm after we’d had an argument, then go to the doctor and say “look what he did to me”. If I noticed the bruises, she’d wave them away with a breezy “I walked into the table” or suchlike. I only found out after she full-on attacked me and then went to the cops, pulling out her medical history in court. It was maybe the worst moment of my life that far, but it was only the start of my troubles. That was 20 years ago, but I will spend the rest of my life living with the consequences. I could, indeed I *want* to talk about it for hours, but where, and to whom? Therapy? Been there, done that, it only gets you so far, even if you can find a therapist who doesn’t look at you sideways.
They only just figured this out! Some women can be assholes when it comes to this type of thing. I’m talking straight up evil. Don’t believe all women.
so glad this is getting recognized. happened to me, I believe my ex was nudged towards making false abuse allegations, and more than happy to do so as she threatened me. this was like 5 years ago and I had counselling but it is still affecting me. there is a huge bias towards believing and favouriing the woman in divorce cases, I never had the opportunity to defend myself or refute any of these allegations, as I was self representing.
I am still in a very bad place mentally because my ex made up claims of abuse. She stopped our sons from seeing me for nearly 2 years. Cafcass told me I should ‘leave it in the past’.
Her behaviour throughout our time together was controlling but as I have Autism I never noticed anything amiss.
Oh and top it off, she had at least 12 affairs, then ended things when she ran off with a man who has more money. She was pregnant with his daughter six weeks after leaving me.
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