School is a nightmare for many. Kids have no rights or a voice in these matters.
There’s a real lack of social supports in secondary school, at least there was in my day. Like you’re expected to basically to just get on with people.
I fell into a sport luckily enough and met people through that but when you’re in college the clubs and societies have an open day to get the new people.
Really need something like that for secondary I think run by the students but organized by the school. Invite in the clubs from the locality.
Nice of the Irish Times to do a piece about r/ireland users.
I clearly remember hiding in the toilets reading a book because I hated been seen as a loser with no friends. Might have been 12 years old. I was a very very odd kid.
Hello. I was bullied all the way through secondary school. I would hide in the toilets at lunchtimes too because being the only person on my own in the canteen felt embarrassing and overwhelming. People would notice I was on my own all the time and start mocking me. The people who would bully me were the most popular people in the class, so nobody else would talk to me either.
I felt embarrassed and ashamed when nobody would sit next to me during any class. When the teacher would ask the class to form groups I would panic because I knew I would be the only one on my own. I tried being nice and kind to everyone but nobody wanted to be around me because I am different. I am autistic.
A group of boys would throw spit balls into my hair during class and people would laugh because I didn’t notice. I tried to sit at the back of the classroom so that nobody would throw things at me and so nobody could see me crying. The worst day was when a group of boys threw stones at me in the yard during break. The teachers never did anything.
As everyone got older and the end of school approached things started changing. The main bully was expelled and suddenly nobody knew how to act around me anymore. People would avoid looking at me. Some people tried being nice to me and pretending that the bullying never happened. I didn’t forget. And I never will. I hope that they are different people now. A lot of my bullies have become teachers. 🙁
I found school tough too, I had few friend but was generally seen as strange. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin for so long. I think school should be more like uni, more social clubs and activities but it would have been really difficult to get me involved at the time. I have kids now all in primary school, I notice my older child has social difficulties but my other 2 find it so easy to make friends and get invited to everything.
My best memories from primary school:
* being ganged up on by the GAA team, beaten and spat on, and abused daily for not playing GAA. Our principal being a former county player saw nothing wrong with this
* wife of a county player at the time humiliating me in front of the class, asking me why I was so stupid, why do I always come telling tales, while others laughed.
* excluded from birthday parties on the behest of one of the bullies.
Secondary school:
* being beaten up every week, usually by some of the same boys from primary. Verbal abuse daily, exclusion from any cliques or groups of lads.
* jumped by a group of lads, pinned to the ground and had cigarettes put out on my back. Still have 7 burn marks from it.
* jumped and beaten with belt buckles. One lad had a glass bottle, who was seen by a teacher just before he was going to hit me across the face with it, and ran. Teacher claimed he couldn’t make out who it was, and nothing was done.
* mockery from the girls school, because the football team told them I was “gay.” No girls spoke to me during my time in secondary, I was some sort of pariah.
* being asked by the principal if I could pretend I had wronged my bully to make him breaking my nose look like retaliation, and therefore he could receive a less severe punishment, which I think was so he wasn’t suspended during football season or before an important match. I told him no. No punishment was handed out instead.
There was 2 main lads who bullied me from primary through to 5th year. Both of them are currently in jail, after being in and out for years.
This did not occur in the last century. I entered primary in 2000.
I have no happy memories from school.
I recently met some of the teachers who enabled this, particularly the county players wife, and asked why they let me be treated that way. She made some excuse about me having a good home life, and them not. She didn’t even deny that what she did was deliberately enable my victimisation.
I’m 28, have a good girlfriend and got a somewhat decent job after college. My girlfriend has had to console me after waking up in the middle of the night, having nightmares of being beaten and spat on as a child.
I’ll never forget my school experience. I’ll never make peace with it.
I never thought the sadness and lonliness of seconday school would continue into adult life, but here we are.
I got PTSD from reading that title
I was badly bullied in school. I do wonder if i wasn’t, what I would be like now, or how different things may have worked out for me in life. That’s the cruelest thing about it imo – wondering what if.
I remember at lunch not going to the lunch area to sit down, I’d just walk around for the entire lunch break because I looked busy and people wouldn’t notice me being alone. Also did the school toilets gig.
I’m 37 now and married, and have a good job and great friends, but I still think back to those days and am very glad I got through them.
Seen that headline earlier.
Left school about 20 years ago.
First time I seen it I thought,hang on that was me. First time in 20 years I thought about my last few years in school and how lonely and horrible they were.
To anyone going through it now : It will pass, things get better and the world is a big place where you’ll find your place.
Was mercilessly bullied in school by bigger cliques that it annihilated my confidence which has never really recovered.
Even some teachers got in on the action and would make a compete fool of me in front of the class.
One teacher randomly said: “Stalloned, did you know someone wrote something about you on one of the tables?”
*Whole class turns to me*
Classmate: “Heh…..what did it say, Miss?”
Teacher: “I’m not going to say…… it’s too rude……….get back to writing.
*10 seconds pass*
Teacher: “But I do hate when people write such and such is gay!”
*Whole class erupts in laughter and I want the ground to swallow me up*
Would go home to get shouted and beaten by a deranged mother over the slightest thing. She once launched my school journal at my head which ripped pages out of it. The next day a teacher saw it and had me leave the class to go to the principal’s office over it, class had a good laugh at that.
Wash, rinse, repeat that kind of shite for 6 years.
Things picked up a little around junior cert when I started going out with a girl but she ended up getting caught in the crossfire because the abuse started going towards her. We ended up breaking up because of it as people were dissing her for being around me.
Made me feel like real shit that my existence was causing others suffering.
A reason I didn’t kill myself was because I know would’ve been completely forgotten about within weeks and everyone would happily go on experiencing life.
I still enjoyed a lot of things in life like art, movies, games, music, etc, so in my stubborn mind I was like “am I fuck going to let them win”.
It’s been 20 years since I finished school and it’s left some lasting damage in me but I worked hard to be where I am today and am happy in life.
Edit: Thanks everyone for the lovely replies, means a lot! 🙂
A former school friend of mine was bullied by her former friends. Over social media and in person. The bullies were the “nice” girls; smart, well-liked, and popular. The teachers questioned them on it by opening with “we know you wouldn’t do anything like that”. They went on to become prefects and school teachers. Bullies are more often than not former friends. Another girl had to transfer schools because her friends bullied her relentlessly. One went on to become Head girl and a nurse.
I was ostracised but tbh school was a lot safer than home for me.
Hiding in the toilets wasn’t enough enough to stop the girls who bullied me. They just bullied me over the door of the toilets.
It only stopped when I turned 16 and had had enough and started standing up for myself, but not everyone would even be capable of doing that, plus there’s no guarantee it would even work.
Two things that really marked an end to the abuse that was thrown at me were the following
A boy in construction threw a chisel at me, without even thinking I picked up the mallet beside me and flung it at him, he never did anything to me again after that, I have very good aim.
Another boy tried to strangle me in construction class up against a wall, in hindsight this was actual assault not just bullying, I tore that fuckers hand open with my nails and he was still bleeding 40 minutes later in our German glass. He also never touched me again after that.
Our teachers were useless, one threw a duster at the boy in front of me one day, missed and hit me. So reporting things that were going on was pointless.
I am 38 now and definitely still carry some trauma from school.
I **hated** school.
However, it wasn’t the teachers fault who were generally very supportive/friendly. Sure, there were a few oddballs but they were either quite gentle, or stayed aloof.
Nope. It was the other students. You can have as many *supports* as you want in a school, but it won’t change how teenage boys/girls behave (went to a mixed school).
In all honesty, in spite of the physical violence/bullying by the boys, it was the girls who were the worst. The emotional manipulation, lies, and other forms of bullying.. and the whole time, the adults looked at the girls as little angels as if they’d never do anything mean or hostile.
It’s such a bizarre world. Glad to have left it behind. There is so much wrong in our society, and little real desire to change it.. to tackle the problems at the source. Meh.
Massive love to anyone who went through a shit time in school, or is still going through it. I’m sorry for your pain, and I hope the future is brighter ❤️
I’m thankful I liked school and never had any trouble with bullies but my heart breaks for those who have been. I’ve tried befriending one or two lads who I seen were getting picked on, but looking back I wish I did more.
There’s mad social pressure in school, as we’re at the mercy of our parents at that age and can’t just pack up and go if we start having trouble with other people.
Reading all these stories has me wondering why we ever allowed a system like this to exist in the first place.
Ye’re all breaking my heart with these stories! Im so sorry to hear how tough school was and I’m hoping you are all doing better and are able to somewhat process the damage done. What can we do to help avoid this? How do we, teachers, parents everyone, get teenagers to be more empathetic and kind and not get dragged down by mob mentality. At the very least we can each start with calling out unkindness and bullying where we see it, try and be better examples for young people…
Yep. Every day. Over a decade later, still never figured out how to make friends lmao. Tutor sitting by and allowing the other students to kick basketballs at my head when I just wanted to be left alone. Fun times.
It never really goes away. I’m 27 and sometimes I’m still that kid.
I had a miserable time for my first few years in secondary school. I was shy, not into sport, had braces, in short I was an easy target. It had a big impact on my self confidence and it was only when I was into my 30s that I realized that the fear and anxiety I was living with wasn’t normal. I went to counseling and since then I’ve done better.
I’m in my 40s now, looking back I can see the impact it had on things like enjoying college. It breaks my heart to think of kids going through it now.
During the pandemic lockdowns there was a lot of noise about suicide and depression in kids from the usual crowd.
It turns out that suicide amoung young people decreased during lockdowns and increased again when schools went back.
Now I’m not saying that the lockdowns were universally a great experience but that the statistics point to things that are not really acknowledged: Social isolation and bullying in schools.
I think Tommy Tiernan said it best –
“Secondary school?? Was there ever a loveless abbatoir like it?”
I use to get terrible anxiety about the first day back every year as I wouldn’t no where to stand or who to talk to, as I had no friends. It was excruciating.
I can empathise. I was a loser with no friends in school but I was lucky enough not to care what other people thought. I was still happy.
Now I’m a grown ass adult with a really nice friend group but I deal with crippling loneliness a huge chunk of the time. I really wanna go back to not caring about trivial shit but I just can’t. Human emotions are fucking weird.
The thing that hurt me the most was some lads I had been friends with since I started school, join the bullies’ cliques and turn on me in secondary school. It’s hard not to be bitter, honestly.
Jesus….. some girls are fucking horrible to other girls…. wtf is wrong with them? Not a parent and gladly so because, amongst other reasons, stuff like this would’ve sent me over the edge if I had a daughter or son that this was happening to. I had a taste of it at school…… still remember how it felt 40 years later.
Over Christmas, was chatting with an old school friend about our secondary school days. We’re in our 40s but still remember how horrible some of our “friends” were. If only we had known then what we know now, we would have told them to fuck off.
At least in our day, there was no record of it. Social media and smartphones has made bullying exponentially worse. I really feel for teenagers nowadays. There seems to be an epidemic of anxiety, which is not surprising really.
30 comments
School is a nightmare for many. Kids have no rights or a voice in these matters.
There’s a real lack of social supports in secondary school, at least there was in my day. Like you’re expected to basically to just get on with people.
I fell into a sport luckily enough and met people through that but when you’re in college the clubs and societies have an open day to get the new people.
Really need something like that for secondary I think run by the students but organized by the school. Invite in the clubs from the locality.
Nice of the Irish Times to do a piece about r/ireland users.
I clearly remember hiding in the toilets reading a book because I hated been seen as a loser with no friends. Might have been 12 years old. I was a very very odd kid.
Hello. I was bullied all the way through secondary school. I would hide in the toilets at lunchtimes too because being the only person on my own in the canteen felt embarrassing and overwhelming. People would notice I was on my own all the time and start mocking me. The people who would bully me were the most popular people in the class, so nobody else would talk to me either.
I felt embarrassed and ashamed when nobody would sit next to me during any class. When the teacher would ask the class to form groups I would panic because I knew I would be the only one on my own. I tried being nice and kind to everyone but nobody wanted to be around me because I am different. I am autistic.
A group of boys would throw spit balls into my hair during class and people would laugh because I didn’t notice. I tried to sit at the back of the classroom so that nobody would throw things at me and so nobody could see me crying. The worst day was when a group of boys threw stones at me in the yard during break. The teachers never did anything.
As everyone got older and the end of school approached things started changing. The main bully was expelled and suddenly nobody knew how to act around me anymore. People would avoid looking at me. Some people tried being nice to me and pretending that the bullying never happened. I didn’t forget. And I never will. I hope that they are different people now. A lot of my bullies have become teachers. 🙁
I found school tough too, I had few friend but was generally seen as strange. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin for so long. I think school should be more like uni, more social clubs and activities but it would have been really difficult to get me involved at the time. I have kids now all in primary school, I notice my older child has social difficulties but my other 2 find it so easy to make friends and get invited to everything.
My best memories from primary school:
* being ganged up on by the GAA team, beaten and spat on, and abused daily for not playing GAA. Our principal being a former county player saw nothing wrong with this
* wife of a county player at the time humiliating me in front of the class, asking me why I was so stupid, why do I always come telling tales, while others laughed.
* excluded from birthday parties on the behest of one of the bullies.
Secondary school:
* being beaten up every week, usually by some of the same boys from primary. Verbal abuse daily, exclusion from any cliques or groups of lads.
* jumped by a group of lads, pinned to the ground and had cigarettes put out on my back. Still have 7 burn marks from it.
* jumped and beaten with belt buckles. One lad had a glass bottle, who was seen by a teacher just before he was going to hit me across the face with it, and ran. Teacher claimed he couldn’t make out who it was, and nothing was done.
* mockery from the girls school, because the football team told them I was “gay.” No girls spoke to me during my time in secondary, I was some sort of pariah.
* being asked by the principal if I could pretend I had wronged my bully to make him breaking my nose look like retaliation, and therefore he could receive a less severe punishment, which I think was so he wasn’t suspended during football season or before an important match. I told him no. No punishment was handed out instead.
There was 2 main lads who bullied me from primary through to 5th year. Both of them are currently in jail, after being in and out for years.
This did not occur in the last century. I entered primary in 2000.
I have no happy memories from school.
I recently met some of the teachers who enabled this, particularly the county players wife, and asked why they let me be treated that way. She made some excuse about me having a good home life, and them not. She didn’t even deny that what she did was deliberately enable my victimisation.
I’m 28, have a good girlfriend and got a somewhat decent job after college. My girlfriend has had to console me after waking up in the middle of the night, having nightmares of being beaten and spat on as a child.
I’ll never forget my school experience. I’ll never make peace with it.
I never thought the sadness and lonliness of seconday school would continue into adult life, but here we are.
I got PTSD from reading that title
I was badly bullied in school. I do wonder if i wasn’t, what I would be like now, or how different things may have worked out for me in life. That’s the cruelest thing about it imo – wondering what if.
I remember at lunch not going to the lunch area to sit down, I’d just walk around for the entire lunch break because I looked busy and people wouldn’t notice me being alone. Also did the school toilets gig.
I’m 37 now and married, and have a good job and great friends, but I still think back to those days and am very glad I got through them.
Seen that headline earlier.
Left school about 20 years ago.
First time I seen it I thought,hang on that was me. First time in 20 years I thought about my last few years in school and how lonely and horrible they were.
To anyone going through it now : It will pass, things get better and the world is a big place where you’ll find your place.
Was mercilessly bullied in school by bigger cliques that it annihilated my confidence which has never really recovered.
Even some teachers got in on the action and would make a compete fool of me in front of the class.
One teacher randomly said: “Stalloned, did you know someone wrote something about you on one of the tables?”
*Whole class turns to me*
Classmate: “Heh…..what did it say, Miss?”
Teacher: “I’m not going to say…… it’s too rude……….get back to writing.
*10 seconds pass*
Teacher: “But I do hate when people write such and such is gay!”
*Whole class erupts in laughter and I want the ground to swallow me up*
Would go home to get shouted and beaten by a deranged mother over the slightest thing. She once launched my school journal at my head which ripped pages out of it. The next day a teacher saw it and had me leave the class to go to the principal’s office over it, class had a good laugh at that.
Wash, rinse, repeat that kind of shite for 6 years.
Things picked up a little around junior cert when I started going out with a girl but she ended up getting caught in the crossfire because the abuse started going towards her. We ended up breaking up because of it as people were dissing her for being around me.
Made me feel like real shit that my existence was causing others suffering.
A reason I didn’t kill myself was because I know would’ve been completely forgotten about within weeks and everyone would happily go on experiencing life.
I still enjoyed a lot of things in life like art, movies, games, music, etc, so in my stubborn mind I was like “am I fuck going to let them win”.
It’s been 20 years since I finished school and it’s left some lasting damage in me but I worked hard to be where I am today and am happy in life.
Edit: Thanks everyone for the lovely replies, means a lot! 🙂
A former school friend of mine was bullied by her former friends. Over social media and in person. The bullies were the “nice” girls; smart, well-liked, and popular. The teachers questioned them on it by opening with “we know you wouldn’t do anything like that”. They went on to become prefects and school teachers. Bullies are more often than not former friends. Another girl had to transfer schools because her friends bullied her relentlessly. One went on to become Head girl and a nurse.
I was ostracised but tbh school was a lot safer than home for me.
Hiding in the toilets wasn’t enough enough to stop the girls who bullied me. They just bullied me over the door of the toilets.
It only stopped when I turned 16 and had had enough and started standing up for myself, but not everyone would even be capable of doing that, plus there’s no guarantee it would even work.
Two things that really marked an end to the abuse that was thrown at me were the following
A boy in construction threw a chisel at me, without even thinking I picked up the mallet beside me and flung it at him, he never did anything to me again after that, I have very good aim.
Another boy tried to strangle me in construction class up against a wall, in hindsight this was actual assault not just bullying, I tore that fuckers hand open with my nails and he was still bleeding 40 minutes later in our German glass. He also never touched me again after that.
Our teachers were useless, one threw a duster at the boy in front of me one day, missed and hit me. So reporting things that were going on was pointless.
I am 38 now and definitely still carry some trauma from school.
I **hated** school.
However, it wasn’t the teachers fault who were generally very supportive/friendly. Sure, there were a few oddballs but they were either quite gentle, or stayed aloof.
Nope. It was the other students. You can have as many *supports* as you want in a school, but it won’t change how teenage boys/girls behave (went to a mixed school).
In all honesty, in spite of the physical violence/bullying by the boys, it was the girls who were the worst. The emotional manipulation, lies, and other forms of bullying.. and the whole time, the adults looked at the girls as little angels as if they’d never do anything mean or hostile.
It’s such a bizarre world. Glad to have left it behind. There is so much wrong in our society, and little real desire to change it.. to tackle the problems at the source. Meh.
Massive love to anyone who went through a shit time in school, or is still going through it. I’m sorry for your pain, and I hope the future is brighter ❤️
I’m thankful I liked school and never had any trouble with bullies but my heart breaks for those who have been. I’ve tried befriending one or two lads who I seen were getting picked on, but looking back I wish I did more.
There’s mad social pressure in school, as we’re at the mercy of our parents at that age and can’t just pack up and go if we start having trouble with other people.
Reading all these stories has me wondering why we ever allowed a system like this to exist in the first place.
Ye’re all breaking my heart with these stories! Im so sorry to hear how tough school was and I’m hoping you are all doing better and are able to somewhat process the damage done. What can we do to help avoid this? How do we, teachers, parents everyone, get teenagers to be more empathetic and kind and not get dragged down by mob mentality. At the very least we can each start with calling out unkindness and bullying where we see it, try and be better examples for young people…
Yep. Every day. Over a decade later, still never figured out how to make friends lmao. Tutor sitting by and allowing the other students to kick basketballs at my head when I just wanted to be left alone. Fun times.
It never really goes away. I’m 27 and sometimes I’m still that kid.
I had a miserable time for my first few years in secondary school. I was shy, not into sport, had braces, in short I was an easy target. It had a big impact on my self confidence and it was only when I was into my 30s that I realized that the fear and anxiety I was living with wasn’t normal. I went to counseling and since then I’ve done better.
I’m in my 40s now, looking back I can see the impact it had on things like enjoying college. It breaks my heart to think of kids going through it now.
During the pandemic lockdowns there was a lot of noise about suicide and depression in kids from the usual crowd.
It turns out that suicide amoung young people decreased during lockdowns and increased again when schools went back.
Now I’m not saying that the lockdowns were universally a great experience but that the statistics point to things that are not really acknowledged: Social isolation and bullying in schools.
I think Tommy Tiernan said it best –
“Secondary school?? Was there ever a loveless abbatoir like it?”
I use to get terrible anxiety about the first day back every year as I wouldn’t no where to stand or who to talk to, as I had no friends. It was excruciating.
I can empathise. I was a loser with no friends in school but I was lucky enough not to care what other people thought. I was still happy.
Now I’m a grown ass adult with a really nice friend group but I deal with crippling loneliness a huge chunk of the time. I really wanna go back to not caring about trivial shit but I just can’t. Human emotions are fucking weird.
The thing that hurt me the most was some lads I had been friends with since I started school, join the bullies’ cliques and turn on me in secondary school. It’s hard not to be bitter, honestly.
Jesus….. some girls are fucking horrible to other girls…. wtf is wrong with them? Not a parent and gladly so because, amongst other reasons, stuff like this would’ve sent me over the edge if I had a daughter or son that this was happening to. I had a taste of it at school…… still remember how it felt 40 years later.
Over Christmas, was chatting with an old school friend about our secondary school days. We’re in our 40s but still remember how horrible some of our “friends” were. If only we had known then what we know now, we would have told them to fuck off.
At least in our day, there was no record of it. Social media and smartphones has made bullying exponentially worse. I really feel for teenagers nowadays. There seems to be an epidemic of anxiety, which is not surprising really.