“I was never bullied as a child, so this was a whole new thing,” Sam testified on “Terzake” on Canvas. “That’s what caused this to drag on for so long.” Daphne also didn’t quite know what was happening to her. “I had never experienced this before. I could never have imagined that this would have such an effect on me. I was in survival mode every day.”
You might have gathered: Sam and Daphne were bullied at work. And they are far from the only ones in our country. About 1 in 17 workers – 5.9 per cent – have experienced serious bullying behaviour every week in the past six months, according to a large-scale survey by the external prevention service Idewe of more than 24,000 people from over 100 organisations. This refers to bullying behaviour that is repeated on a weekly basis.
The figures are down only very slightly from last year, when 6.4 per cent experienced serious bullying behaviour. “But at the same time, the number of reports of unwanted behaviour is rising,” says Idewe CEO Lode Godderis. “So I think in the end there is little evolution in the figures.”
**Verbal bullying**
In her case, Sam saw it start with minor incidents and culminate in gross insults. “That was about not answering emails, about ridiculing me, isolating me.” Out of nowhere, Daphne received negative evaluations from a bullying manager. “I was also isolated: I was not invited to meetings on files over which I had authority. There, it was publicly stated that I was the problem. I was humiliated and insulted.”
This verbal bullying behaviour is the most common, Lode Godderis confirms. “It often starts very small: small problems that are difficult to discuss that grow into big issues. Many people even doubt whether it is bullying behaviour or not. An important tip there: check with a colleague or confidant to see if what you are experiencing is correct and, secondarily, to get some advice on how to make it discussable.”
Sam agrees. “I was very lucky that my supervisor had a very caring side and that they felt it was very important that such behaviour did not occur in the workplace.” An external coaching process was started, but the bully denied everything and even turned the tables. “That was devastating for me. The feeling of not being believed is very tough.”
Fortunately, she was able to prove with some emails she had kept that she was being bullied. “If you have nothing, I think it is impossible to raise that situation,” she said. In the end, Sam was vindicated. “That recognition saved me. When I got that paper, I went home and cried with relief for a very long time. I’m glad I persevered and didn’t change jobs.”
**What should or can you do?**
How can you prevent or address such bullying behaviour at work? An open communication culture in the workplace is crucial, says Godderis. “You have to be able to address each other about what you experience and expect from each other.” In this, the manager plays a very important role, it sounds. “Because if they do not intervene when a problem arises, bullying behaviour is perceived as something that is okay. That may even increase the problem.”
But what if your problem is just that supervisor, as in Daphne’s case? Godderis recommends going to the prevention adviser in that case. “Who can then see how to have that conversation with the manager in a proper way. If that conversation ends in nothing, you can always take further steps and the prevention adviser can also actively mediate.”
That this is not a magic solution to the problem is proven by the story of Daphne, who eventually filed a complaint about her superior’s bullying behaviour. “I thought that this legislation was there to protect me and that that was the job of the prevention adviser. But I was completely left to my own devices. In the end, I was even fired.”
She is the living example of how harsh bullying at work can eventually get to someone. She is still sitting at home sick. “I am really traumatised. I have completely lost my identity. I just walk around aimlessly. I thought I was safe in the workplace and that is not the case.”
Every firm has a “prevention advisor psychosocial aspects” through their external prevention service. You can find their contact details in your work regulations. You don’t have to go through your own firms’ prevention advisor if you don’t want to. If there is a formal complaint to the prevention advisor psychosocial aspects, you’re protected from getting fired during the investigation.
Some companies may have a “trust person” who can also assist for this. But if they do something, it’s an “informal” procedure, which doesn’t give you protection and is more meant for smaller issues.
But 94% of workers have a really good time at work!
Yep, I got bullied on the job. Probably the correct numbers will be a lot higher. Chances are high the victims here are most likely introverted people being overrun by an extroverted manipulating personality type; a narcissist.
In a society where flamboyance, being talkative, look at me-ness and ‘I’m so important’ seems to be highly valued, these people can thrive and camouflage themselves as being the people pleasing, always happy colleague. Reality is often different, obviously I might be generalizing here. Other situation might be a group of colleagues that as a way of safe guarding the status quo, or just out of plain boredom starts to pick on a certain, regarded by them as weak, person.
Examples where;
– Do you know what’s the real problem here, YOU are the real problem.
– You are the worst colleague that I’ve ever worked with
– Verbal aggression, gaslighting and spreading lies
– .. and so forth
Whilst of course themselves being incapable and incompetent in their function, and just projecting these frustrations openly onto me.
After two years I started reacting by immediately after a new insult going towards the team leader to complain, but no one believed me, or if they did the solution was that this would eventually pass on by itself. Or that maybe we could sit together and talk it out. Talk what out exactly? I’m all for negotiation, but behavioural change cannot be forced upon through a simple conversation with a, judged as inferior, colleague.
I have heard stories from friends about literal racism taking place in workplaces. In my experience…at my internship a few years back, I had a co-worker who almost said the n-word referring to the black co-workers that worked in the warehouse.
Let’s make it an even 7
The news speaks about “*6% suffering* ***serious*** *bullying*” but says also that “*at the same time, the number of reports of* ***undesirable behavior is increasing****,*”
IMO, bullying is way under-reported because sometimes people doesn’t even know what is bullying, and they think some toxic behaviors are even “normal”.
Also there is not enough protection for victims.
That is the reason why many bullied employees just take the option of quitting and search another job.
Damn wtf?
The ratrace of middleschool-like gossip and bullying.
Just got accused of being “the worst person to work for in his 35 year career” by a coworker today.
Am I the baddies?
And they claim wisdom and maturity comes with age….
I’ll do you one better, co-worker trying to micro manage anything you do until you cuss him out in front of everyone.
I find that shitting on eachother was very prominent in my youth, so much that I’ve picked it up myself and found it hard not to do it. I have some friend groups that I’ve pretty much stopped seeing because it’s like 80% of their interactions. It’s just a sad/manipulative way to fight your way through the pecking order and it evolves into bullying very easily.
My time abroad maybe isn’t a good reference since I was in a different atmosphere. But I think it’s where/when I learned that you can just have a good time without joking about each other all the time. Sure you can make jokes about someone, but it doesn’t have to become harsh. There’s no need to keep giving someone shit for the same thing over and over again.
Now at work there’s a good vibe of giving eachother shit and everybody knows it’s for jokes. It doesn’t go to far often and if it does, everybody is ready to call it. It suits me, since I have difficulty to stop doing it, but it’s softer and I’m learning.
Something weird I’ve noticed is that it’s actually sad nobody makes jokes about some people and it’s clear that it is because they aren’t liked as much.
Wonder what kind of environment that happens most. Work at a plant with over 100 people, mostly old timers and ‘gloves are for pussies’ kinda gents. But never seen anyone being bullied. Def not 1/17 people.
13 comments
“I was never bullied as a child, so this was a whole new thing,” Sam testified on “Terzake” on Canvas. “That’s what caused this to drag on for so long.” Daphne also didn’t quite know what was happening to her. “I had never experienced this before. I could never have imagined that this would have such an effect on me. I was in survival mode every day.”
You might have gathered: Sam and Daphne were bullied at work. And they are far from the only ones in our country. About 1 in 17 workers – 5.9 per cent – have experienced serious bullying behaviour every week in the past six months, according to a large-scale survey by the external prevention service Idewe of more than 24,000 people from over 100 organisations. This refers to bullying behaviour that is repeated on a weekly basis.
The figures are down only very slightly from last year, when 6.4 per cent experienced serious bullying behaviour. “But at the same time, the number of reports of unwanted behaviour is rising,” says Idewe CEO Lode Godderis. “So I think in the end there is little evolution in the figures.”
**Verbal bullying**
In her case, Sam saw it start with minor incidents and culminate in gross insults. “That was about not answering emails, about ridiculing me, isolating me.” Out of nowhere, Daphne received negative evaluations from a bullying manager. “I was also isolated: I was not invited to meetings on files over which I had authority. There, it was publicly stated that I was the problem. I was humiliated and insulted.”
This verbal bullying behaviour is the most common, Lode Godderis confirms. “It often starts very small: small problems that are difficult to discuss that grow into big issues. Many people even doubt whether it is bullying behaviour or not. An important tip there: check with a colleague or confidant to see if what you are experiencing is correct and, secondarily, to get some advice on how to make it discussable.”
Sam agrees. “I was very lucky that my supervisor had a very caring side and that they felt it was very important that such behaviour did not occur in the workplace.” An external coaching process was started, but the bully denied everything and even turned the tables. “That was devastating for me. The feeling of not being believed is very tough.”
Fortunately, she was able to prove with some emails she had kept that she was being bullied. “If you have nothing, I think it is impossible to raise that situation,” she said. In the end, Sam was vindicated. “That recognition saved me. When I got that paper, I went home and cried with relief for a very long time. I’m glad I persevered and didn’t change jobs.”
**What should or can you do?**
How can you prevent or address such bullying behaviour at work? An open communication culture in the workplace is crucial, says Godderis. “You have to be able to address each other about what you experience and expect from each other.” In this, the manager plays a very important role, it sounds. “Because if they do not intervene when a problem arises, bullying behaviour is perceived as something that is okay. That may even increase the problem.”
But what if your problem is just that supervisor, as in Daphne’s case? Godderis recommends going to the prevention adviser in that case. “Who can then see how to have that conversation with the manager in a proper way. If that conversation ends in nothing, you can always take further steps and the prevention adviser can also actively mediate.”
That this is not a magic solution to the problem is proven by the story of Daphne, who eventually filed a complaint about her superior’s bullying behaviour. “I thought that this legislation was there to protect me and that that was the job of the prevention adviser. But I was completely left to my own devices. In the end, I was even fired.”
She is the living example of how harsh bullying at work can eventually get to someone. She is still sitting at home sick. “I am really traumatised. I have completely lost my identity. I just walk around aimlessly. I thought I was safe in the workplace and that is not the case.”
Translated with http://www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)
——–
Some stuff I didn’t see in the article:
Every firm has a “prevention advisor psychosocial aspects” through their external prevention service. You can find their contact details in your work regulations. You don’t have to go through your own firms’ prevention advisor if you don’t want to. If there is a formal complaint to the prevention advisor psychosocial aspects, you’re protected from getting fired during the investigation.
Some companies may have a “trust person” who can also assist for this. But if they do something, it’s an “informal” procedure, which doesn’t give you protection and is more meant for smaller issues.
But 94% of workers have a really good time at work!
Yep, I got bullied on the job. Probably the correct numbers will be a lot higher. Chances are high the victims here are most likely introverted people being overrun by an extroverted manipulating personality type; a narcissist.
In a society where flamboyance, being talkative, look at me-ness and ‘I’m so important’ seems to be highly valued, these people can thrive and camouflage themselves as being the people pleasing, always happy colleague. Reality is often different, obviously I might be generalizing here. Other situation might be a group of colleagues that as a way of safe guarding the status quo, or just out of plain boredom starts to pick on a certain, regarded by them as weak, person.
Examples where;
– Do you know what’s the real problem here, YOU are the real problem.
– You are the worst colleague that I’ve ever worked with
– Verbal aggression, gaslighting and spreading lies
– .. and so forth
Whilst of course themselves being incapable and incompetent in their function, and just projecting these frustrations openly onto me.
After two years I started reacting by immediately after a new insult going towards the team leader to complain, but no one believed me, or if they did the solution was that this would eventually pass on by itself. Or that maybe we could sit together and talk it out. Talk what out exactly? I’m all for negotiation, but behavioural change cannot be forced upon through a simple conversation with a, judged as inferior, colleague.
I have heard stories from friends about literal racism taking place in workplaces. In my experience…at my internship a few years back, I had a co-worker who almost said the n-word referring to the black co-workers that worked in the warehouse.
Let’s make it an even 7
The news speaks about “*6% suffering* ***serious*** *bullying*” but says also that “*at the same time, the number of reports of* ***undesirable behavior is increasing****,*”
IMO, bullying is way under-reported because sometimes people doesn’t even know what is bullying, and they think some toxic behaviors are even “normal”.
Also there is not enough protection for victims.
That is the reason why many bullied employees just take the option of quitting and search another job.
Damn wtf?
The ratrace of middleschool-like gossip and bullying.
Just got accused of being “the worst person to work for in his 35 year career” by a coworker today.
Am I the baddies?
And they claim wisdom and maturity comes with age….
I’ll do you one better, co-worker trying to micro manage anything you do until you cuss him out in front of everyone.
I find that shitting on eachother was very prominent in my youth, so much that I’ve picked it up myself and found it hard not to do it. I have some friend groups that I’ve pretty much stopped seeing because it’s like 80% of their interactions. It’s just a sad/manipulative way to fight your way through the pecking order and it evolves into bullying very easily.
My time abroad maybe isn’t a good reference since I was in a different atmosphere. But I think it’s where/when I learned that you can just have a good time without joking about each other all the time. Sure you can make jokes about someone, but it doesn’t have to become harsh. There’s no need to keep giving someone shit for the same thing over and over again.
Now at work there’s a good vibe of giving eachother shit and everybody knows it’s for jokes. It doesn’t go to far often and if it does, everybody is ready to call it. It suits me, since I have difficulty to stop doing it, but it’s softer and I’m learning.
Something weird I’ve noticed is that it’s actually sad nobody makes jokes about some people and it’s clear that it is because they aren’t liked as much.
Wonder what kind of environment that happens most. Work at a plant with over 100 people, mostly old timers and ‘gloves are for pussies’ kinda gents. But never seen anyone being bullied. Def not 1/17 people.