So, of you’re in Malta you’ve probably realised we have a pigeon problem. Now here’s the thing, pigeons are super intelligent beings so putting up some lame owl statue or trying to feed them contraceptives is obviously going to wear off pretty quick since they are gonna learn what not to eat or that the owl statues are actually, well, statues.
Enter the random exploding pigeon! So what we do is this, we strap explosives onto random pigeons and they can explode at any moment, in front of all of their peers. Now, the pigeons know this is a random occurrence, but the randomness of it is what is so threatening to them. Who’s to say they won’t be tomorrow’s exploding pigeon?
Having witnessed the horror of one of their homing homies blowing up one too many times, they usually emigrate somewhere like Catania, where they can shit on statues in peace.
Petards. A type of pointless firework called “bombi” in Maltese. They are literally noise pollution. There will be some amazing fireworks shows this week though as there’s the fireworks festival happening. At least those are at night and actually look great
Cloud
Celebration of hamrun Malta club qualifications for European club
It’s a firework designed to make a massive boom sound, at night they shoot the colored ones.
It’s just a retarded way how small dick men measure their power. Each town competes who has the biggest blast and when they go home, they satisfy their wife by saying ‘look darling we created the biggest boom’… All while look at their 4 incher (hard).
It’s fireworks, this is a common accurance throughout the whole of late spring till end of summer as that period is when localities start celebrating their local feasts.
UFO
It’s your sanity… Slowly… Eroding.
Malta is also shooting down weather balloons now. Either that, or that spotted some endangered bird!
As a result of this threat to our hard earned democracy, we now fire warning shots to
A) ensure the penguins don’t approach
B) should they have the audacity to even come close we fire shots to show them we are ready.
The defence methods have been successfully deployed to defend the island against more nifty humans circa the 1500s and due to lack of serious investment since then we keep using similar methods. The locals complain about our defences not being up to date, however the government insists the proof is in the pudding – so far no official sightings of penguins have been spotted in Malta; the defences work. Conspiracy theories insist the penguins must be planning some sort of tunnels, but people like me check the seas around the islands regularly; apart from a few occasional dolphins & whales, nothing to report.
If you want to see an exposed part of the defence system, the cannons are clearly on display in Valletta, and every day around noon a shot is fired. This is to ensure the locally produced daily artillery batch is safe for use and long term storage. In my opinion having them in such public display might exposes us, but others insist this is a show of strength.
Our secret services assure us that the penguins are not yet connected to the internet. Webs and nets are not their thing! Therefore, we also publish where and when these warning shots will be fired (https://www.maltainfoguide.com/malta-village-feasts.html). Many call this a sign of being too cocky in our outdated defences.
However, the common folk will enjoy the sights, and gather for the show. They will celebrate that for another weekend/day/week/month we managed to keep the penguins at bay.
Hence we ask you dear tourists, when sunbathing or swimming, do your part to keep the 🐧 at bay, and if you see any: do not engage, run for your lives and when safe to do so call +356 249200 to trigger the national warning/alarm system.
In the meantime stay safe, and be vigilant!
fireworks 😭
The Maltese way of ensuring more people suffer from anxiety and PTSD
If thats in malta and it is 8am or noon it is probably fireworks
Maltese TRADITIONAL fireworks, which rather than being criticised because of being loud, should be celebrated as a part of the small amount of culture we have left.
26 comments
Fireworks
Russia attack. you dont watch news?
are you living under a rock ? Russia has started it’s invasion.
Hunting. We prefer to use artillery to [ensure maximum damage](https://media.tenor.com/jNRUeA1t5b0AAAAC/alien-sigourney-weaver.gif).
Fireworks. You will have to get used to this for the next 5 months. Probably the feast of St Publius in Floriana.
Mentally ill people setting off fireworks in broad daylight. Typically Sunday morning around 9am. Bloody idiotic country
Nope
And so it begins…
Cloud?
Ha, if like me before my first visit to Malta during a July, you thought fireworks were exclusively a nighttime thing, you’re in for a treat… [102 Village Festas 2023](https://www.maltainfoguide.com/malta-village-feasts.html?utm_content=cmp-true)
The Russians have found us
Don’t pay attention to these guys.
So, of you’re in Malta you’ve probably realised we have a pigeon problem. Now here’s the thing, pigeons are super intelligent beings so putting up some lame owl statue or trying to feed them contraceptives is obviously going to wear off pretty quick since they are gonna learn what not to eat or that the owl statues are actually, well, statues.
Enter the random exploding pigeon! So what we do is this, we strap explosives onto random pigeons and they can explode at any moment, in front of all of their peers. Now, the pigeons know this is a random occurrence, but the randomness of it is what is so threatening to them. Who’s to say they won’t be tomorrow’s exploding pigeon?
Having witnessed the horror of one of their homing homies blowing up one too many times, they usually emigrate somewhere like Catania, where they can shit on statues in peace.
Petards. A type of pointless firework called “bombi” in Maltese. They are literally noise pollution. There will be some amazing fireworks shows this week though as there’s the fireworks festival happening. At least those are at night and actually look great
Cloud
Celebration of hamrun Malta club qualifications for European club
It’s a firework designed to make a massive boom sound, at night they shoot the colored ones.
It’s just a retarded way how small dick men measure their power. Each town competes who has the biggest blast and when they go home, they satisfy their wife by saying ‘look darling we created the biggest boom’… All while look at their 4 incher (hard).
It’s fireworks, this is a common accurance throughout the whole of late spring till end of summer as that period is when localities start celebrating their local feasts.
UFO
It’s your sanity… Slowly… Eroding.
Malta is also shooting down weather balloons now. Either that, or that spotted some endangered bird!
I don’t know why all the above have been lying to you. It is a well known fact that the penguins of Antarctica had their eye on our little island for a while. This is well documented on the reliable Reddit forums, which of course you have come to trust and request the truth from! (https://www.reddit.com/r/whowouldwin/comments/mjpqf2/every_penguin_in_antarctica_decides_to_invade)
As a result of this threat to our hard earned democracy, we now fire warning shots to
A) ensure the penguins don’t approach
B) should they have the audacity to even come close we fire shots to show them we are ready.
The defence methods have been successfully deployed to defend the island against more nifty humans circa the 1500s and due to lack of serious investment since then we keep using similar methods. The locals complain about our defences not being up to date, however the government insists the proof is in the pudding – so far no official sightings of penguins have been spotted in Malta; the defences work. Conspiracy theories insist the penguins must be planning some sort of tunnels, but people like me check the seas around the islands regularly; apart from a few occasional dolphins & whales, nothing to report.
If you want to see an exposed part of the defence system, the cannons are clearly on display in Valletta, and every day around noon a shot is fired. This is to ensure the locally produced daily artillery batch is safe for use and long term storage. In my opinion having them in such public display might exposes us, but others insist this is a show of strength.
Our secret services assure us that the penguins are not yet connected to the internet. Webs and nets are not their thing! Therefore, we also publish where and when these warning shots will be fired (https://www.maltainfoguide.com/malta-village-feasts.html). Many call this a sign of being too cocky in our outdated defences.
However, the common folk will enjoy the sights, and gather for the show. They will celebrate that for another weekend/day/week/month we managed to keep the penguins at bay.
Hence we ask you dear tourists, when sunbathing or swimming, do your part to keep the 🐧 at bay, and if you see any: do not engage, run for your lives and when safe to do so call +356 249200 to trigger the national warning/alarm system.
In the meantime stay safe, and be vigilant!
fireworks 😭
The Maltese way of ensuring more people suffer from anxiety and PTSD
If thats in malta and it is 8am or noon it is probably fireworks
Maltese TRADITIONAL fireworks, which rather than being criticised because of being loud, should be celebrated as a part of the small amount of culture we have left.