Doctor ‘sexually assaulted woman by putting his semen into her cups of coffee’

33 comments
  1. >Chapman later claimed that due to a condition, he has managed since a teen, he lets out semen while defecating and that some “residue” might have remained on his hands.

    Thats was his defence… Fucking grim!

  2. “Ladies and gentleman of the jury the only crime my client is guilty of is spaffing when he has a shit and he doesn’t wash his hands” – slams briefcase shut

  3. Did he not stir it or would the semen always stay un emulsified? I feel like coffee is a kind of pure enough substance that you’d always be able to tell the change in texture. Sorry I guess I don’t know enough about semen physics.

    Also I wonder if the police came to her or if she took it to the station. Walk in and tell the receptionist(?) you need this cup of coffee analysed.

    Anyway, don’t put semen in people’s things without their consent.

  4. Whenever I read about an absurd defence like this I’m always reminded of that excellent Fast Show sketch with the unbelievably naive husband catching the neighbour banging his wife

    Edit whoops not the fast show, Armstrong and miller

  5. “The prosecution case is he did not have a reasonable explanation for his semen being in her drinks.”

    I am trying really hard to think what explanation could possibly count as *reasonable* . . .

  6. His defence is such a fucking mess…

    “I didn’t make her coffee that day, but I may have neglected to wash my hands after I had a wank in the toilet. Not over her though, I’m not attracted to her. She’s not the only person I made coffee for, but I didn’t make coffee that day. Someone must have put my jizz in there as a prank. I certainly didn’t tamper with her coffee”

    “also, I cum when I shit”

  7. Mucilaginous consistency of coffee and semen would be absolutely repellent. If he derived sexual gratification from this, I’m sure there is a person somewhere who would consent to…imbibing his secretions.

    Why sexually assault an innocent woman? Despicable man.

  8. Do you ever just open Reddit, read the first headline, think “what the actual fuck is wrong with people” and then leave. I do. Bye.

  9. The most shocking thing about this is a doctor making a patient cups of coffee. Most of us can’t even get an appointment, never mind a cuppa with extras. When I do get an appointment the doctor is writing on the computer as I sit down then hands me a prescription and tells me to get out after about 30 seconds with a script for 2 paracetomol a day I could get cheaper at Aldi. Any cuppa making would be immediately suspicious, seeing as I live near Hyde where Shipman practised, nobody round here would accept drinks off doctors.

  10. Sexual assault isn’t quite right – that requires touching.

    He is being charged with “Causing a person to engage in sexual activity without consent” ([s4 of Sexual Offences Act 2003](https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/section/4)). Although not legally rape, it is colloquially referred to as rape (along with actual rape and assault by penetration), and is the offence a woman will be charged with if they rape (in the colloquial sense) a man or woman.

    The maximum sentence in this case is 10 years.

  11. That’s absolutely revolting. Literally my worst nightmare is people messing with my food and drink. Some people are just utterly disgusting.

  12. He’ll get away with it, doctors always do. He’ll get a slap on the wrist maybe change hospital and carry on with his life

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