I’ve always liked graveyards. I like reading the headstones. Lots of them have Bob Dylan’s line ‘Forever Young’ written on them. Pish. We’re not forever young. We’re forever decomposing. ‘Forever Dead’ would be more fitting. There’s a lot of hogwash: ‘Asleep’. I don’t think so. Dead, methinks. And some are funny and savage. ‘Stick your nose here and I’ll set about you’. I was thinking I’d like: ‘Jesus Christ, is that the time already?’ on mine, but my wife Pamela was shaky about it, so we settled on ‘You’re standing on my balls!’ in tiny wee writing.
My favourite graveyard in the world is in Egypt. The Necropolis in Glasgow is another beauty. It’s a Victorian cemetery that’s the resting place for many of the old Glasgow worthies, and there are some lovely tombstones and monuments. It’s a picture of how Glasgow used to be.
I’ve never been scared of graveyards. In fact, I always felt kind of welcome there. I used to walk around in graveyards when I was a kid, but I haven’t the foggiest idea why. It just felt lovely in there. I wanted to walk alone there and be at peace. It was a bad time in my life.
I couldn’t get on with my teachers. I couldn’t get on with the adults at home – my father and his two sisters Mona and Margaret. They all found me a dead loss. As far as they were concerned, I was a complete waste of space.
Once I volunteered to go to the funeral of a bishop that was to be held at Glasgow Cathedral. I had known him because he had been a priest at a parish near my school. There were all sorts of priests there, from the lowliest to the highest. I went with two other guys. But I had a hole in my jacket, and the teacher in charge of us said, ‘Connolly! Why are you wearing that jacket?’ I said, ‘It’s the only jacket I’ve got.’ He said, ‘You were warned about this before you volunteered – that your uniform had to be in very good shape.’ And he sent me home.
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***Billy Connolly writes in The Telegraph***
I’ve always liked graveyards. I like reading the headstones. Lots of them have Bob Dylan’s line ‘Forever Young’ written on them. Pish. We’re not forever young. We’re forever decomposing. ‘Forever Dead’ would be more fitting. There’s a lot of hogwash: ‘Asleep’. I don’t think so. Dead, methinks. And some are funny and savage. ‘Stick your nose here and I’ll set about you’. I was thinking I’d like: ‘Jesus Christ, is that the time already?’ on mine, but my wife Pamela was shaky about it, so we settled on ‘You’re standing on my balls!’ in tiny wee writing.
My favourite graveyard in the world is in Egypt. The Necropolis in Glasgow is another beauty. It’s a Victorian cemetery that’s the resting place for many of the old Glasgow worthies, and there are some lovely tombstones and monuments. It’s a picture of how Glasgow used to be.
I’ve never been scared of graveyards. In fact, I always felt kind of welcome there. I used to walk around in graveyards when I was a kid, but I haven’t the foggiest idea why. It just felt lovely in there. I wanted to walk alone there and be at peace. It was a bad time in my life.
I couldn’t get on with my teachers. I couldn’t get on with the adults at home – my father and his two sisters Mona and Margaret. They all found me a dead loss. As far as they were concerned, I was a complete waste of space.
Once I volunteered to go to the funeral of a bishop that was to be held at Glasgow Cathedral. I had known him because he had been a priest at a parish near my school. There were all sorts of priests there, from the lowliest to the highest. I went with two other guys. But I had a hole in my jacket, and the teacher in charge of us said, ‘Connolly! Why are you wearing that jacket?’ I said, ‘It’s the only jacket I’ve got.’ He said, ‘You were warned about this before you volunteered – that your uniform had to be in very good shape.’ And he sent me home.
**Read more:** [**https://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/life/billy-connolly-book-rambling-man-parkinsons-health-wife/**](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/life/billy-connolly-book-rambling-man-parkinsons-health-wife/)