Living with a sex offender: ‘Why I stayed with my husband after he was caught with child abuse images’
by burnttoast03
Living with a sex offender: ‘Why I stayed with my husband after he was caught with child abuse images’
by burnttoast03
41 comments
Living with a convicted child sex offender with young kids and their young friends is totally the right thing to do. Fuck me.
Ye gods. Words fail.Would feel dirty breathing the same air.
Why would you stay? Especially if you have children?
I really don’t understand.
How on earth could you bare to be near someone you knew kept and used CSAM? And to also have your kids around them?
My brother who sexually abused me as a child got a psychologist, therapy, increased benefits, a social worker and a flat. No prison sentence in sight. I’m left picking up the pieces while my mum and dad still maintain contact with him. I am unemployed, struggle to fit in and have breakdowns all the time. My own GP doubts my issues. It seems people trip over themselves to defend and look after the feelings of abusers and create all sort of nonsense to justify it (the children, the family, the home). These people sicken me.
Jesus. Something’s off here because I’m struggling to understand why these pieces of shit haven’t had their children taken off them.
How is the day the warrant was executed more traumatizing than knowing your husband repeatedly got off to kids?
Sounds harsh but she’s just as bad as he is. She was willing to potentially expose her children to abuse, the worst kinds of abuse at that. You just wouldn’t do that if you actually gave a shit about anyone other than yourself.
It’s not easy to find a man that always does the dishes
This entire article is horrifying. What is wrong with this woman? How could anyone ever stay with their partner if they’ve been arrested for harbouring child porn? There’s no forgiving that, there’s no moving on from that. “The Children were a big factor in my decision” to stay with him and keep him living with them where they’re at risk of sexual abuse??? I’m baffled.
I hope when these kids grow up and have the ability to truly understand what he’s done, that they cut all contact with both parents.
Also the fact that she was clearly more worried about what the neighbours would think than the welfare of her children. Fucking hell.
>Months of agonising followed but in the end Sarah decided to support her husband and keep the family together. While she would “never defend” what he did, she says, her children were a “huge factor” in her decision.
I really would like to hear more about this. What would make you think it was better for the children to remain with him? Was it economic? A belief that ‘broken homes’ are automatically the worst kind? A lack of actual belief in his guilt?
I wouldn’t stay with my husband in this scenario and I would do all I could to ensure he never got contact with our children again. I wish this article lived up to the headline, because understanding *why* is really hard.
I’m calling bullshit on this. There is no way social services/police would allow children in the home if he has cat A pictures. He would not have been bailed and allowed to return to the family home. A strategy discussion between the Police and social services would have taken place and this would have been expressly ruled out.
“Months of agonising followed but in the end Sarah decided to support her husband and keep the family together. While she would “never defend” what he did, she says, her children were a “huge factor” in her decision.”
What? I mean, even if he doesn’t end up doing anything to them (and he is sexually attracted to children, clearly, so the risk is there), imagine what it’s going to be like when those children grow up and find out about all of this. This and an earlier part of the article where she says she didn’t really focus on the children when the police were there is extremely telling of the kind of mother she is. It’s always going to be men before her kids.
How anyone can look at their own children and then choose to stay with someone who has contributed to someone hurting other people’s children is utterly beyond me.
I cannot think of a single thing that would convince me to stay in that situation
For anyone proclaiming that if she left him he wouldn’t be able to see their kids… [don’t you remember this article from a few months back?](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-66531409)
If he went to court and cried “parental alienation” a judge could likely swallow it.
TLDR:
She acts like she is the victim of the police catching her husband downloading (and probably redistributing) hundreds of child sex abuse images.
The way she describes it in this article, she’s so devoid of the feelings and emotions you would expect a caring mother to have.
She didn’t comfort her distressed kids during the raid?!
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If I were her, I’d want to KILL him.
I would feel disgusted and ashamed and incredibly angry.
Frightened for my kids, did he do anything? Might he come back and do something?
Frightened for kids in his vicinity – has he done something more?
I wouldn’t want to live in the same country as that man.
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But she seems to be looking for excuses to let him back around her kids.
Yes…
He is now a convicted child sex offender and she wants him to live with her 2 young children.
Social services had to step in and make him leave. But she overruled that and has him living with/visiting her kids.
Those poor kids, hers and the ones in the images.
>Her children say they love their father and have forgiven him but she is worried about what happens when they grow up.
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>”If they have children and tell their partners what happened, will they then decide that my husband and I aren’t appropriate to get involved with their children?” she says, sounding fearful.
**Her kids don’t understand what’s happened.**
When they do, they will hate him.
They will fear him.
And I hope very much that they will keep any grandchildren away from their paedophile father.
Some people really don’t deserve children. She should be on the register along with husband.
Her children should be removed. There is no way a child can safely live with a child sex offender. There are no excuses. You don’t know, you can’t know, that your children aren’t being abused. You can’t know their friends aren’t being abused.
“Why I stayed with my husband” never explains why she stayed in the article…
I had a neighbor (Lady) whose boyfriend that she lived with was a convicted pedophile, she got pregnant by him. Within 24hrs of getting the baby home social services came and took the child (For obvious reasons)
This happened two more times, three instances of her being consoled by the child rapist while screaming and crying at social services.
Three babies put into the system because she chose a pedophile over them.
Some people, you can’t get into the head of.
“So when can we meet our new grandchild?”
Literally never.
It’s all very ‘poor me’. She says the school, doctors, paediatrician will know- yes, because your children are a serious safeguarding risk because you have put them in the home of a child sex offender.
I read the article but I still don’t understand her reasoning other than it’s harder being a single mother and she cares more about her husband than her children’s safety. If that was my husband I wouldn’t be able to look at him and he certainly wouldn’t be around my children.
Having read this, I think she hasn’t really justified the decision to social services and herself beyond ‘I’ve asked others if he would harm the children, it would upend mine and their lives if I left him’.
Your husband has demonstrated that rather than get help (and there is voluntary help out there for people such as him), he’s willing to exploit children for his own sexual satisfaction.
There’s no guarantee your children are safe, no reason for him not to do it again more cautiously, even escalate his behaviour and start making those images. No unjustified reason for future spouses of your children to kick off about it and deny you and your husband unsupervised, if you even get that, access to your children. Your own children might even look back one day and realise how messed up this was. Or God forbid, they normalise it to the point they’re comfortable with their children around him unsupervised.
In the end, all we’re left with is our decisions and the consequences of them. But how much do you really need to justify this to get it to work?
The poor children – hope they are able to get some support in the future as it must of been (and potentially still is) really traumatic for them.
[deleted]
Here’s some reality, being abused is horrendous but decades later it actually becomes a side note to the horror of the day to day where you’re ostracised by family for speaking up, ignored or gaslit by institutions, treated as subhuman by health services, try to survive mental health crisis, no self esteem, prison, psych wards, have to try each day to live, watch the world descend into rampant abuse and child abuse online, watch institutions and adults cover up never face up to responsibility, endure years of media on abuse after operation yewtree etc yet still have to go thru life as the black sheep
Fuck the world and these people who protect abusers
This is why I hate the idea I’m seeing online a lot lately that because a pedophile or abuser seeks out help and refuses their urges they should be supported. I know it’s unrealistic but I honestly only believe in getting rid of them or chemical castration.
I literally seen a post once that was a AMA from a pedophile and a few people in the comments were saying it was ableist to be rude to him regarding his urges because he couldn’t control them. Felt like a slap in the face to me and all the others who are victims of people like that.
“In England and Wales, police forces make more than 850 arrests a month for online child sex offences”
WTF.
Work with a sex offender (client). Gets the full shabang, accommodation, free food from food bank, PIP and does nothing but Fucking complain about how little he gets.
I don’t even wanna read this article I’m just gonna say loudly NO EXCUSES, and she’s as BAD as HIM
Fortunately for her kids, the law says he can’t be anywhere near children, even his own.
I read this article (or one very like it) today, and found the headline to be 100% misleading.
I didn’t see the tiniest indication as to why the woman stayed with him. On the contrary, she didn’t seem to herself know.
A friend of a friend is still with her convicted paedophile baby daddy. She’s lost her entire family because of it. I’ll never understand it
Imagine staying with a pedo when you’ve got young kids in the house. Fucking disgusting.
Women like this sicken me. If my husband was in the possession of child abuse images, he’d better hope the police find out before I do.
If you enable a nonce, you’re also a nonce in my eyes.
This woman is insane. He had A category images (which are apparently the very worst CSA images) of 11-18 year olds. And she’s keeping him around their children but worried that in future when grandkids come the partners won’t want her or her husband to see the grandkids if they find out what he did. They both need to be locked up.
Yup a guy I used to work with got convicted, he had kids and his wife stayed with him – I don’t get it, she should have run for the hills
No wonder there’s so many nonces about if they know 50% of the time their partner will just turn a blind eye and let them have access to small children.
Such an infuriating article. It’s all about her, even her own children are the third thought in her mind. She’s more worried about what the neighbours think than the safety of her children and their friends. Her husband shouldn’t be allowed to go to the pediatricians or the school, he should be isolated from children. She’s blaming society, the police and the legal system more for the trauma the children are suffering than her husband.