Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, review: ‘The most numbingly moronic film of 2023… Clumps of my brain were giving up in disgust’

by TheTelegraph

14 comments

  1. **From The Telegraph’s Robbie Collin:**

    Some films are so stupid you can swear individual brain cells are dying as you watch them. Then there is Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, during which it felt like entire clumps of grey matter were giving up the gig in disgust and abseiling out of my ears.

    With mere days to go until the turn of the calendar, here arrives the most numbingly moronic film of 2023: a second solo outing for Jason Momoa’s beefy merman, of the now-disbanded 2010s screen incarnation of DC’s Justice League.

    The previous Aquaman wasn’t good either, but it was made with the sort of sunny brainlessness that travelled well. Of its $1.1 billion global takings in 2018, almost a third came from China, while it was Romania’s favourite film of the entire 2010s.

    Presumably in an effort to match this success, the sequel is essentially the CG equivalent of having an air horn blown in your face for two hours.

    Its plot ostensibly concerns a magical substance called orichalcum – which, unless you happen to be a classicist, is the latest movie-franchise word you will hear 500 times in the space of 120 minutes and then never again for the rest of your life.

    But all it really involves is Jason Momoa’s Aquaman hurtling through a string of unreadably messy computer-generated battle scenes, rendered in some of the ugliest colour combinations allowed by the visible spectrum.

    In the same way that some films leave you with a lingering dislike of a certain actor or director, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom sends you from the cinema with a profound and furious hatred of green.

    **Read the full review here:** [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/films/0/aquaman-and-the-lost-kingdom-review/](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/films/0/aquaman-and-the-lost-kingdom-review/)

  2. Thanks, no thanks – purging my superhero movie intake till 2025, Deadpool 3 aside.

  3. “Clumps of my brain were giving up in disgust”

    Much like reading the Telegraph.

  4. I’m old enough to remember orichalcum from the Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis videogame

  5. Obviously have not seen the movie myself and don’t plan on it, at least not in theaters, but this is just another example of how DC is continually clawing as hard as it can to climb out of the abyss of failure and just falling all the way back down again. I don’t know if the movies and content themselves are so universally mishandled and bad or if people just don’t care. DC has had such a hard time trying to replicate the success of Marvel’s cinematic universe, that I don’t think people expect anything to come out of it that actually works. So no one shows up.

    Not sure if this film is a part of James Gunn’s official, rebranding turn at the wheel or not, but this along with Blue Beetle have apparently already astronomically bombed. I liked his take on The Suicide Squad, so I’m hoping he can turn this whole mess with DC around, but I do wonder if it’s perpetually doomed to be a sinking ship no matter what and no matter who is at the helm. The heads at DC were so intent and confident with tightening the reigns and purging everything and starting over, but it still hasn’t piqued any renewed interest. Also makes me wonder: Does DC even need its own Marvel universe? Everything so far says that it’s a waste of time and resources because nothing is landing. I myself am a DC fan, but they cannot seem to get anything right outside of the comics and animation.

  6. I mean, the movie does look dumb and ugly from the trailers, but the condescension, classism, and borderline racism (“Romania’s favorite film”) is a bit much…

  7. The first movie was fine. What I find stupid is that in this movie Arthur has to team up with his brother that he spent the entire first movie taking down. It’s a movie troupe that has been overused. Gotta team up with the bad guy in order to take down this other bad guy. Shenanigans ensue! Also,does it seem like DC is more interested in counting their dwindling billions than to make content their fans enjoy?

  8. In still baffled by how the first movie crossed the billion dollar mark

  9. Honestly, I’m just going to take a bunch of edibles and go for a ride with this movie. I just need to turn my brain off for a few hours.

  11. Good, I’m here to watch a comic book about fucking aquaman play out on screen. Aquaman 1 had Pitbull playing when they got out of the ocean, it knows what it’s doing.

    I’ll take cheese over more of the same

  14. This year has been pretty hilarious in regards to movie reviews.

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