Band here – as we sound checked at a wedding in Tyrone last week a drunk female guest walked up to our singer and started saying some flirty things. Mild ish at first – ‘you’re a ride and I’d ride you’

  • 10 mins later she’s still there, now getting very graphic. Singer and the rest of the band are all doing the Simpsons awkward shudder thing, half laughing and telling her we need to get back to work. ‘I would absolutely ruin you in bed’ ’You wouldn’t be able to handle what I would do to you’.

  • And then suddenly this: ‘I want your IRA dick to ruin me’ ‘I would destroy you and your Ra penis’. Everyone was a bit taken aback at that.

  • Halfway through the gig we all turn to each other in shock when we see her slow dancing with a man who is clearly her husband.

  • As we finished our set, our female violinist decided the husband should know what his wife was up to. She approached him, explained everything (including the IRA penis) and he reacted in a way that would suggest this has happened before. The coats went on and away the couple went.

  • This week the bride contacted us to say thank you for the night, but also to say she was mortified to hear about this famous female guest (apparently she had made some other advances that day, though our singer was the only one with an IRA penis).

  • Weddings in NI are mad.

by reillysband

13 comments

  1. My penis has never been in the IRA and has not taken part in any IRA Activity.

  4. So, there are penises in the IRA, is this why they say “Up the RA”?

  5. Worked at weddings around the border for 17 years, this is very mild compared to some of the stuff I’ve seen over the years. Special menstion to the Strabane woman taking it from both ends in the back fire exit surrounded by about 8 fellas, then after the wedding comes up to the resident bar door with another man, Mr & Ms McDonald who are checked in for the night.

  7. No kink shaming.

    But also. No kink dumping on people. Unreal she was doing that.

  8. The “ruin me” comment honestly would have caused my soul to temporarily leave my body for, like, a hot second. That’s the wildest shit I have heard in a long time.

  10. You should have played “Grace” and watched the “IRA penies” swaying in time.

  12. My penis hasn’t gone away you know!

    Nah, waiting on someone with the comeback post “I was at a wedding in Tyrone and this singer…”

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