Everyone says making friends as an adult is hard, but is that true? I determined yes, it is true.

Posted by SparkingSomething

39 comments

  1. TL; DR I need to meet 935 people to meet one friend I talk with regularly.

    I had a very loose definition of “friends” for “friends made” (i.e. we have eachother on insta but never talk, or we only hang out in group settings), and a tighter definition of “friends” for “friends I talk with regularly” (i.e. we talk more than once a week). The number for “Friends I talk with regularly” was really hard to decide because it makes it sound like I made 2 best friends I talk with often but that’s not the case. I’m still pretty isolated tbh. But I still met a lot of cool people and the data was interesting to see.

    Edit: For reference, this is Vancouver, BC. DM me if you want to be a Reddit friend 🙂

  3. time spent tracking this data you could have made like 10 more friends

  4. This dataviz is the story of my past 12 years. Ever since I bought a smartphone, coincidentally. Hmm.

  5. 35 friends in a year? That’s pretty good. Yes you need to go out and be social to make friends. As the other guy said could have made more if you weren’t so busy counting lol

  6. More than 10% of the people you talk to is a pretty good number! So it’s not that hard when you go to different places

  7. That’s 34 friends, which is 34 more than the number of friends I have.

  8. How to define “friend” though – among the 34, I mean? And how many MeetUps did you go to?

  9. I’m with you on this, it really is difficult. I also went to meetups and random other social events and honestly I don’t think I made any real friends. Or meet anyone that I am vaguely speaking to on occasion.

  10. Honestly if you have 3-4 close friends that’s all you need. Quality over quantity. The fact that you made 2 extra friends is a huge win.

  11. 2 you talk to regularly is pretty damn good dude, and 34 regular friends is fantastic

  12. MAKING friends as an adult isn’t hard, just talk to someone and they’re likely willing to give you their number. KEEPING friends is hard. We’re all busy, and without a shared, involuntary activity to keep us connected… You end up alone again.

  13. To be fair- I find that a big part of the challenge is simply the followup. It helps to have common interests.

    For example- I befriended my car mechanic when I brought my steamdeck into their shop and played on it while I waited for my car to get fixed. The place is ran by him and his wife (plus a couple extra worker)- and when his wife saw that I had a steamdeck they both came running over to have a look.

    From there they sent me friend requests on steam- and we started regularly playing games together. We legitimately have a lot of fun together. It kind of happened subtlety- but I think we are actually all friends now- they even give me car services at a discount sometimes. It’s my first time making friends in adulthood. All my other friends were met at school.

  14. I stepped away outside my comfort zone and did something very unusual last year. And I met tons of great people while doing it. I’m still in touch with quite a few of them. Even though they scattered around the world. I think the key to meeting and making friends is doing things. You really enjoy for the sake of doing things you enjoy. Then, while doing those things, you will meet people to be friend.

    I think doing things to meet friends tends to fail in itself .

  15. Take up rock climbing. It’s rather hard to do alone (not impossible, I do it).

    But climbing has always been the most reliable way to make new friends in my life, ha.

  16. A few dozen acquaintances and two legit friends in a year is pretty good man.

  17. Good job getting out there and  meeting people 

  21. I moved to LA a year ago from the Midwest and I haven’t been able to make a single friend yet. I’ll talk to people and make genuine connections and great conversation. We’ll exchange numbers and talk about what to do next time we hang out.

    Then I never hear from them again.

  22. What constitutes a friend? At what point do they cross from casual acquaintance to friend to best friend?

    It can be difficult to connect with people, but it doesn’t seem you have that issue. Do you have trouble moving to a next step? Planning a game night, dinners etc

  24. 2 friends you talk with regularly? Sounds like 1 too many, to me.

  25. I’ve only talked to a one digit amount of new people in recent weeks and all of the ones I tried to make friends with it seems was successful. It’s really not that hard, but it depends on your likability. I don’t really even think I’m that likable tbh

  27. i might be weird here but i never had any desire to make new friends after my college years. any friends i had till that time are now it. do people actually try to get new friends after 35 or later years? i dont mean someone you know about.. i mean really good friends.

  28. Statistics don’t really illuminate this question. My experience is that there are a number of settings in which making friends tend to occur: college/grad school or vocational training, military or similar service, work-related, new relationships, having school-age children, involvement in personal interests (religion, hobbies, sports, volunteering etc.), travel, participation in online communities, recovery communities, neighbors, among others. Shared experiences, in other words, particularly when there are common goals or challenges.

    It is not “hard” but it does take effort, a willingness to listen and authenticity. Maintaining friendships requires effort too but is even more rewarding.

  31. I have made 2 lasting friends since I left school.

    1 was through work. He left to work in another country. We still used to hang out when he came back home to visit every few months. Our contact on whatsapp has became more and more sporadic and I doubt he would think to hang out now.

    1 was through a message board, we had a shared friendship group but he was our linked mutual friend and we would meet up for gigs, play games online etc. He died.

    Any friend from school that I would care to hang out with have moved away, except a couple of acquaintances who just clearly don’t like me enough to want to hang out outside of when we meet our mutual friend.

    I am just barely able to do the basics at the moment so I doubt I’ll be making any new friends anytime soon despite the huge benefits it would have for my mental health to do so.

  32. Honestly, this looks fairly realistic, especially considering the modern world.

  33. The intersection between people who have precise and visualised data about how many people they’ve met this year and people who think it’s hard to make new friends might be quite large.

    Anyways, having 34 people you consider as newly made friends is massive. Even if all of those people only have time for you once a month, you could meetup with friends every single day of the year (which is impossible). And that doesn’t even include all the other friends you’ve made in all the other years of your life. Realistically how many friendships can a regular person maintain at the same time? The day is just 24 hours

    Edit: also what is a meetup? Is just random people from the internet meeting up and trying to make friends? Sounds like a party, but extra awkward. Do the people at each meetup share a common interest or similar lifestyle? Otherwise your chances of making a friend wouldn’t be higher than random

  34. As an adult male with children, I find it nearly impossible to make actual friends. This seems to be a combination of most people only being ‘casual friendly’ but not wanting to commit to anything real, or trying to work around time schedules between work, school, and kids’ activities.

    I picked up 3 new hobbies in the last couple years and only made 1 actual friend, who I barely see after he quit the hobby we had in common. I feel like unless you grew up with someone, or had a super close experience/encounter with them, no one actually wants you at their house.

  36. Which starting point did your two regular talking friends come from?

  37. I think maybe the fact that you’re the type of person that would view human interaction as data to input in to a chart or graph is maybe why you’re having trouble making friends but hey, you do you

  39. It kinda is. When we’re older, we have more responsibility. Spouse, kids, job, home, chores etc. So more time is focused there than time looking for friends

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