What other British insults are there?

29 comments

1. You absolute pillowcase
   You absolute plant pot
   You absolute kettle

   There’s a few mate

2. The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain has long since departed.

3. You plonker

4. It’s not quite what I had in mind, I have to say

5. Any sentence that starts “With the greatest respect …”

6. “He’s a modest man, with plenty to be modest about”

7. Mug.

8. Who left the gate open on the cunt farm

9. Your dad works for Avon.

10. Nothing stings quite like a good old “No shit, Sherlock”

11. He’s tuppence short of a shilling that lad.

12. The lights are on but nobodys home

13. “absolute bellend” is a classic

14. Who put 50p in the dickhead

15. He’s as thick as 2 short planks.

    Go take a long walk along a short pier.

    Or, keeping it short and sweet, “silly bollocks”.

16. Not rowing with all their oars in the water.

    That was very average.

    I’d rather set my hair on fire and put it out with a hammer.

    I wouldn’t trust you with a knife and fork.

    You fucking prick.

    Arsewipe.

    You utter cretin.

17. I see the fuck-up fairy has arrived again.

18. Being called a melt for some reason or “toss pot”

19. Put his brain in a cat and he’d bark.

20. “Did you, yeah?”

21. I think it was on an Army report somewhere: “Sets himself extremely low targets which he then singularly fails to achieve”…

    Syntax may not be exact as memory isn’t that good, but you get the gist!

22. What have you come as?

23. What a nonce

24. “silly sausage”

25. “You absolute bungalow.”

    “What d’you mean ‘bungalow’?”

    “Nothing upstairs.”

26. The wheel’s still running but the hamster’s dead.

27. Some village is missing its idiot.

28. Signing off an email with Regards, not Kind Regards, just Regards.

29. The James May classic when describing shoddy workmanship:

    “Looks like it was done with a knife and fork, by the council”

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