“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of those depths.” — Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Some months ago, I read an editorial about a certain national crisis line and its needed place in our world and made a quick pledge to volunteer. As with most of my decisions, I jumped in. I began training the next day. This kind of thing will sound painfully rash — irresponsible, really — to those of you who make decisions in a more considered way, with pro-con lists, research and some allotted time to let it all settle. I admire your process, I’ll just say that up front.
But in my experience, decision-making style is mysterious and almost bred in the bone. We can’t always help ourselves. In this case, as in the case of many other decisions I’ve made, I really had no idea what I was getting into. And I’m so glad that didn’t stop me.
The backstory here is that during COVID, I studied to be a health coach and passed the national certification test. Despite popular notions, health coaching is not so much about knowledge of health topics (though that’s required) but more about communication and understanding the motivation and coaching necessary for sustainable change. Despite my efforts at self-promotion and thinking outside the box, I was not able to work it into a paying job. It’s all fine.
But, a couple of years later, as I was reading about this crisis text line and the need for volunteers, I was also thinking to myself that I did learn some of the necessary skills as a health coach, so why not put them to use, hone them,and see what happens. The texting was all being done via their online platform; and though I’m a seriously bad texter on a phone, my typing speed on a keyboard is still around 90 words per minute. So the notion appealed.
I committed to three weeks of training and 200 hours of volunteer work given within a year’s time. And, basically, I have had my mind blown ever since. This is a service that uses volunteers and qualified shift supervisors to bring people from heated places of dysregulation and potential danger to calmer and safer states of being. The texting helps with privacy and appeals to a younger generation simply more inclined to reach out this way.
Mind blower number one was the vast scope of crises people text in from: from suicide and self-harm, to agoraphobia, eating disorders, bullying, perfectionism, relationship dysfunction, unemployment, anxiety about catastrophe and politics, loneliness, loss, and on and on.
However aware I was of these problems, I was not necessarily keyed in to their constant magnitude, or to the fact that very young people (pre-teen) are sometimes dealing with very big problems and are able to articulate them, something both admirable and crushing.
Another beautiful mind-blowing discovery was the regular confirmation, like the sweet chime of a bell, of the efficacy of good communication and listening. This has been nothing less than a crash course in so-called “non-violent communication” (Marshall Rosenberg’s term and life’s work). It is about supporting without judging and supporting without giving advice. It is about validation of feelings and building trust — which all has to be done very quickly.
In learning how to support and give the person in crisis “unconditional positive regard,” (psychologist Carl Rogers’ work) we are in a privileged position to see the powerful and immediate effects this can have. People may then be able to calm down and possibly start seeing things differently on their own. Eventually, they might be able to opt in for resources or coping skills.
And we the volunteer counselors might then be able, if we are diligent or smarter than average, to apply these principles to the relationships in our regular lives — and even to ourselves. My experience is that anonymous strangers are far easier to treat with equanimity than ourselves or people close to us in our day to day lives.
But the validity of the process is no longer in question. One statistic given in the original article I read was that 90% of the 15,000 volunteer counselors at crisistextline.org felt the volunteer work assisting others improved their mental wellbeing as well. I would wholeheartedly agree that it grows compassion for the other as well as for ourselves. It helps us appreciate our own lives and the tenuousness of the human condition. It teaches us to care for our own emotions and how we process them, and shows us how important community is to lean on for support.
In spite of some of my two to four hour shifts being, for any number of reasons, extremely difficult, I do feel that, at least some of the time, I have actually made a difference in someone’s life. And also, that kindness is something pretty much every person on Earth needs.
Michelle Curry Wright has written personal essays in this space for many years. Dandelion Reflection is her health column about trends in mind-body health. For more information, email Michelle.Curry.Wright@gmail.com.