From the sliding scale of liquid hand soaps (Baylis and Harding are well poor you smelly tramp – paraphrasing) to wall mounted TVs, via buying oil painting of people you don't know from a charity shop (oi National Gallery – hang your head not your renaissance artwork of some unknown tosser) The Telegraph can help you work out how people know you're a "chav" (a word they used un-ironically in their article this side of the 2012 Olympics).
Confession time: The only time I put a t in wa'er is when I've got a chocolate digestive to go along with it.
So come on, what's your poverty tell tale…
by Ben0ut
39 comments
The paywall got in the way.
I assume they wrote about grape scissors? If not, clearly the author was a plebeian.
The guy in the picture is fucking insufferable. I see him on a bunch of YouTube shorts and he makes me turn inside out with both cringe and class rage.
I recently bought Tesco brand tomato sauce.
Kryten looks like he’s attending court.
Common as fuck👍
The most ‘common’ thing in the world is following rules you don’t understand to not appear ‘common’ and appear ‘posh’
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He looks like the first Kryten
How tf do you hold a knife like a pen?
What if i hold a knive like a pen in a hottub?
I saw a video yesterday where he gave us instructions on how to properly enter a room and close the door behind you.
As others have said, insufferable. If anything, it makes me want to do the opposite of everything he says.
I’m so common I tried to swipe the image. A regular fuckin pleb so I am.
This bloke clearly refused to emerge from the birth canal until they found a midwife he approved of. And came out wearing a stiffly starched cravatte, much to the wailing and gnashing of teeth of his poor mother.
He looks like an older version of “dales” son in stepbrothers movie
The most common thing of all is becoming an etiquette expert on social media.
Everyone’s raging at the bloke, I personally would quite like to live in a society in which we all adhere to a strict set of rules, we all know what the rules are, and don’t have to rely on pointless “social cues”.
I’ve no particular aspiration to be upper class or even middle class, but I do like the idea of a universal set of rules.
Going to the out house and using the Telegraph as loo roll.
Ding-Dong, Barry homeowner here!
No, and no. Phew!
>5. Mounted televisions
actually true. Even worse if it’s so high it’s touching the ceiling
Haha you can eat as eloquent as you but we all shit the same!
I lolled at Salted Caramel! Can’t stand it now I’m vindicated
Journalism is at its absolute peak in the UK right now. So brave.
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Sometimes I hold my pen like a knife, to see what the etiquette police make of it.
Makes it difficult to write though.
My biggest telltale sign that I’m common is I have a single £2 coin hidden somewhere in my living room that I purposely put somewhere I’ll forget so when I’m so skint I can’t even afford milk for my tea I’ll rip the room apart to find it which causes one of two things to happen
1) I find it and go get milk I couldn’t have gotten otherwise
Or
2) I don’t find it and I’ve inadvertently spent so long tearing the room apart and clearing it up again that it’s now nighttime and I no longer need tea which is called a “rollover” a.k.a I’ll be checking the nooks and crannys such as the bookcase the following day which means I end up organising those as well
9/10 I forget to replace the £2 on a payday when I use it which fucks me up even more though 😂
Knife-pen enrages me
I think the ur-snob Nancy Mitford would see him as a social climbing interloper. We are all common to someone
I’m assuming he won’t be joining me in my inflatable hot tub to watch the football on a 100″ projector screen then?
More fool him, cracking way to spend a Saturday
I’ll always do the exact opposite of anything the Torygraph tells me too
For anyone wondering, the 16 “signs” are:
1. Tie clips
2. Liquid soap
3. Eating on the street
4. Holding a knife like a pen
5. Mounted televisions
6. Applying make-up in public
7. Gin and tonic
8. Prosecco in lieu of champagne
9. Eating on the Tube
10. Personalised number plates
11. Zoopla and Rightmove
12. Hot tubs
13. The Great British Bake Off
14. Trainers (in particular, Adidas)
15. Buying portraits
16. Salted caramel
I eat beans out of the tins. I’m fancy cause I buy the ones with the little sausages.
Apparently I am too low class to be common. Why would I own a fish knife? It comes with a wooden fork to eat it with.
Not sure about this Max Headroom reboot.
Fucking hate that cunt. Watched one of his videos on Instagram once and I couldn’t get rid of the prick for weeks afterwards
Get a real fucking job, William.
I always suspected that I was a raging posho. It’s just a shame that I am also a dirty poor. I am truly the personification of the duality of man.
The man is a tit. Peddling nonsense to the nouveaux riche for cash
Im worse than common, ive eaten steaks with my hands.
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