DOJ Erases Epstein & Netanyahu Kisses Trump’s Ass With Peace Prize Nom | The Daily Show

DOJ Erases Epstein & Netanyahu Kisses Trump’s Ass With Peace Prize Nom | The Daily Show

Welcome to The Daily Show. I’m Ronny Chieng. We’ve got so much to
talk about tonight. The TSA ends its foot fetish,
the trade war gets semi-erect, and great news, pedophiles,
the Epstein list doesn’t exist! Party tonight at
Chuck E. Cheese! So let’s get into
the headlines. [MUSIC PLAYING] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] Let’s kick things off
with today’s biggest news. Because I know a lot of people
out here are always like, oh, the news is so awful. Everything is terrible. I hate fascism. Do something! Wah, wah, wah! Well, stop whining, OK,
because finally there’s some great news for America. NEWSCASTER: A senior
government official says the TSA will
no longer require travelers to take off their
shoes at security checkpoints. All right! TSA! TSA! TSA! TSA!
AUDIENCE: TSA! TSA!
TSA! TSA!
TSA! All right, people
will cheer anything. Yes, the TSA finally got fed
up with yelling at people to take their shoes off– just like Asians when
white people visit. Just take your shoes
off, you barbarians, OK? There is no argument
for shoes in the house. There’s feces on the sidewalk. Anyway, ending this
policy is long overdue. It’s 2025. Terrorists don’t crash
airplanes anymore, OK? Boeing crashes airplanes. Now, the only people
this is not good for is elites like me who, and
I don’t want to brag here, have PreCheck. What benefits do I still
have over you plebs? Because I pay to
keep my shoes on. And now, what, everyone
else is just keeping their shoes on for free? So what the [BLEEP]
am I paying for? I should be allowed to
wear two pairs of shoes, and have a loaded gun or
four ounces of liquid. OK? Give me something. OK, that’s enough good news. Let’s move on to Donald Trump. Yesterday, he had a
dinner with Benjamin Netanyahu, Israeli Prime
Minister and kosher Thanos. And you know how whenever a
world leader visits Trump, and they have to butter him
up with a special surprise? Well, Bibi went all out. NEWSCASTER: At the
White House last night, the President hosted a
dinner for Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. The Prime Minister gave him
a letter nominating Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize. I want to present
to you, Mr. President, the letter I sent to the
Nobel Prize Committee. Oh, wow. It’s nominating
you for the Peace Prize, which is well deserved. And you should get it. Thank you very much. This I didn’t know. Wow. Thank you very much. Coming from you, in particular,
this is very meaningful. Yes, a Peace Prize
nomination from Netanyahu is very meaningful. Right up there with
Husband of the Year nomination for OJ Simpson. But Mr. Netanyahu, let
me tell you something. If you think you can get
Trump to keep sending military aid to Israel
by sucking up to him, well, guess what? You can expect that money
in your bank account by close of business. Let’s move on to the last
bipartisan issue in America. What happened to
Jeffrey Epstein? We’ve all been waiting
for years for more details to come out about his crimes
and his mysterious death. And now that Trump’s in
office, he said he’ll release that information. We can finally
get some answers. The DOJ says its case closed
on Jeffrey Epstein’s alleged client list and his death. After months of promising the
public release of the Jeffrey Epstein client list, the
Justice Department and the FBI are now saying the client
list doesn’t exist. The DOJ says it will
not be releasing any more material from the case files. What? That– that’s it? You’re just– you’re just
not going to release– release any more information? I’ve– I’ve never been ghosted
by a conspiracy before. I mean, this is crazy. I could have sworn
that someone said there was an Epstein client list. Who was that? The DOJ may be
releasing the list of Jeffrey Epstein’s clients. Will that really happen? It’s sitting on my
desk right now to review. Oh, yeah. The [BLEEP] Attorney
General of the United States said the client list
was on her desk. Let me guess. Your desk also hung itself? Pam Bondi was supposed to
release the pedophile list. If we wanted an attorney
general to cover up sex crimes, we would have stuck
with Matt Gaetz, OK? At this point, it’s like the
only way we can learn about who is a certified
pedophile is if Kendrick Lamar makes a song about them. Look, I don’t know what
to believe anymore. OK? Can you– can you just
declassify something? [MUSIC PLAYING] The Justice Department also
releasing more than 10 hours of purported footage,
which they say supports the medical examiner’s
finding Epstein died by suicide while in custody in 2019. The video allegedly shows the
view from across Epstein’s cell door in a Manhattan prison,
indicating no one entered the area the night he died. Is that background
music to that? Finally, some transparency
from this administration. Conclusive evidence that
leaves no room for debate. Their release of
that surveillance video has fueled some
conspiracies itself. There appears to be a
missing minute at midnight. It’s very interesting that at
the 11:58 mark and 58th second, the video jumps to 12
o’clock and it’s missing a full 61 seconds. What is going on here? Why would they edit
out 61 seconds? Was Epstein listening to a
Beatles song and the government couldn’t get the rights to it? And if that wasn’t
suspicious enough, when Trump was asked about it
in his cabinet meeting today, he was over it. Are you still talking
about Jeffrey Epstein? This guy’s been talked
about for years. Are people still talking
about this guy, this creep? That is unbelievable. Yeah, why are
you guys obsessed with the suspicious death of my
best friend in a federal prison when I was president right
before he was going to be on trial for sex trafficking? It’s so boring. But yeah, Epstein is old news. Trump is not going to use
up his precious cabinet meeting time talking about
somebody from years and years ago. That’s a gentleman named, and
we call him, President Polk. He was sort of a
real estate guy. –too late. Like “Too Tall” Jones
for the Dallas Cowboys. Over there is
Honest Abe Lincoln. Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Remember when Bill
Clinton had it and he rented it out to
Teddy Roosevelt, went out? And then you have Dwight
Eisenhower, who was a very underrated president. He built the interstate system. Quincy Adams, Mrs. Adams,
they were the first– Have you ever see
Jon Lovitz, the liar, where he goes “yeah, yeah?” I– I guess I can see why
you didn’t have any time to talk about Jeffrey Epstein. For more on this sudden
ending to the Epstein case, let’s go live to the Justice
Department with Michael Kosta. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] Michael. Michael, there are so many
questions left to answer. Not at all, Ronny. I spoke to a top Justice
Department officials, and trust me when I say
that there’s no story here. Jeffrey Epstein did
not have a client list. He did not get
murdered in prison. He actually never even existed. I’ll be at the Dave and
Buster’s down the street. See you later, Ronny. Thanks, buddy. Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, Kosta, hold on. What– can you elaborate? I’d be happy to elaborate. I own the high score
on Buck Hunter. That– that’s a game at Dave
and Buster’s, which is an adult arcade that I go to
after work every day. No, no, no, not that. I mean, can’t–
they can’t just say Jeffrey Epstein didn’t exist. We all saw photos of him. We think we did. But it was just one of those
collective false memories. It’s like how many
Americans believe there was a movie starring
Shaquille O’Neal called Shazam. But guess what? There never was a
Shaquille O’Neal. And there’s no Jeffrey Epstein. See you at Busters.
– Wait. Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait. Then whose client list did Pam
Bondi have out on her desk? That was all a
misunderstanding. It looked like a client list. But you know what it was? It was actually just a list
of an old BuzzFeed list of the top 10 Pokemon
most likely to help you jump start your car. You want to talk scandal? They only have Squirtle
at number seven. What? Michael, how can
you believe all this? Ronny, Ronny,
Ronny, Ronny, Ronny. Let me– let me– let
me ask you a question. Do you really think there’s a
cabal of millionaires out there who have the power to kill
Jeffrey Epstein in prison and force the President of the
United States to cover it up? What? Well, when you say it out
loud like that, yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK? And I do, too. All right? And I want that cabal
to know that I’m just a guy with a high
score in Buck Hunter who’s happy with
whatever explanation they want me to believe.
I’m good. I’m good.
I’m good. So that’s it then? We’re– we’re just
going to move on? Ronny, Ronny, there’s so many
other juicy scandals out there. Have you seen this newly
released Diddy client list? Woo! Let’s check out the names on– oh! Holy shit. You know what? Turns out this list
actually never existed, so. Uh, God damn it. Michael Kosta, everyone.

The Department of Justice (and Michael Kosta) try to gaslight Ronny Chieng about a suddenly “nonexistent” Jeffrey Epstein client list, Trump lists Benjamin Netanyahu as a reference on his Nobel Peace Prize application, and the TSA ends their foot fetish. #DailyShow #RonnyChieng #Epstein

0:00 – Ronny Chieng’s TDS Welcome
0:39 – TSA Ends Shoes-Off Policy
2:05 – Netanyahu Nominates Trump for Nobel Peace Prize
3:20 – The DOJ Closes Epstein Case
6:29 – Trump Holds Cabinet Meeting
7:19 – Michael Kosta Weighs in on the Close of Epstein Case

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