Trump Dodges Epstein by Attacking Obama, Dropping MLK Files & Trying to Change Coke | The Daily Show

Trump Dodges Epstein by Attacking Obama, Dropping MLK Files & Trying to Change Coke | The Daily Show

Welcome to The Daily Show. I’m Josh Johnson. We’ve got so much to
talk about tonight. Donald Trump is losing
his mind and his hands. He’s inventing new ways
to do makeup wrong. And he has a dream
that one day, he will not be judged by the
content of the Epstein files. So let’s get into
the headlines. [UPBEAT MUSIC] # # Let’s kick things off with
distractions– what it looks like when they’re
fed to the media and what it looks like
when they don’t work. Because right now, Donald
Trump is desperate to move on from the Epstein files. But the story is only building. A major development just in–
the Department of Justice says it is trying to set up
a meeting with longtime Jeffrey Epstein associate,
Ghislaine Maxwell, who is in prison. The Justice Department now
putting out a new statement and saying, “If Ghislaine
Maxwell has information about anyone who has committed
crimes against victims, the FBI and the DOJ will
hear what she has to say.” Wait. [LAUGHTER] You haven’t talked
to Ghislaine Maxwell? [LAUGHTER] Epstein’s accomplice? The woman he’s in the
most pictures with? Wouldn’t she be
your first witness? Also, also– stick
with me here– how funny would it be
if the FBI gets there and she’s like, I’m
finally ready to talk. I’m finally ready to
tell you everything. But then at the last second,
she grabs one of the agents guns and takes herself out. [LAUGHTER] The FBI would have
to come out like, OK. [LAUGHTER] OK, I know how this looks. [LAUGHTER] But I swear, I
swear– here’s how much I want you to believe me. We did do the first one, OK? [LAUGHTER] [CHEERING] We– we did run up on Epstein
and, like, held him down, shook him a little bit. We– we didn’t do this one. But while we wait to see
if Ghislaine survives this interview, Trump– [LAUGHTER] –Trump has been doing
everything he can to keep those files under wraps. He’s even got his friends
in Congress trying to help. Mike Johnson shut down the
House just to avoid a vote on the release of the files. [BOOING] Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Do you understand
that they clear Congress out for
the summer like they found a dookie in the pool? [LAUGHTER] But trying to shut down the
release of the files only makes them more interesting. So over the last
week, Trump has been throwing every
distraction he can at us. And I want to go
through some of them to show you how
desperate he’s getting. Let’s start with his
go-to distraction. (YELLING) Obama! The witch hunt that you
should be talking about is they caught President
Obama absolutely cold. They tried to
steal the election. They tried to obfuscate the
election– irrefutable proof that Obama was “se-day-tious.” [BOOING] No. Boos aside, “Se-day-tious”? [LAUGHTER] It feels like he’s
mispronouncing a new Black friend’s name. [LAUGHTER] [CHEERING] I want you to meet my
friend, “Se-day-tious.” [LAUGHTER] Thanks. It’s Sean. [LAUGHTER] The problem with
this distraction is that it’s so
old, Jeffrey Epstein wouldn’t date it, all right? Trump has been going
after Obama for decades. He’s not– he’s going
to need something else, something juicy. The White House offering
an unexpected health update on President Trump, revealing
that he recently underwent a battery of tests
and has now been diagnosed with chronic
venous insufficiency. REPORTER: Doctors
tell us it means there isn’t adequate blood
flow to the veins in the legs, which can cause swelling. Oh, no. Look at that ankle. When I said something
juicy, I didn’t mean– [LAUGHTER] A shoe should not
give you a muffin top. [LAUGHTER] [CHEERING] And I cannot stress how
big of a deal this is because they never admit
that Trump has anything but impeccable health. Usually, they bring out
a doctor to be like, Donald Trump has big muscles
and a girthy-ass dick. Medically speaking,
he makes Hercules look like a pig with cancer. Like, I’m not exaggerating. His doctors once said
that his blood pressure was astonishingly excellent. That’s not even how
blood pressure works. [LAUGHTER] Blood pressure is numbers. If you want to impress
us, say 120/80. They made it sound
like Trump could control his blood pressure like
the settings on a fancy hose. [LAUGHTER] His blood pressure is on mist,
but he can turn up to cone or jet if he so chooses. But I get why
they put this out. One, it’s a good distraction. And, two, people
have been starting to notice that Trump looks,
medically speaking, like shit. REPORTER: After these
images of President Trump started to draw attention–
apparent bruises on his hands, covered with makeup,
seen in February. And this week, the White House
physician says it’s “consistent with minor soft
tissue irritation from frequent hand shaking
and the use of aspirin.” Well, problem solved. No one’s going to shake
hands that look like that. Even that hand right
there, you could tell that the thumb is
like, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. [LAUGHTER] But OK, Trump violating
his own HIPAA rights didn’t get people to
move on from Epstein. So now he’s getting
snacks involved. President Trump says
he’s convinced Coca-Cola to change its recipe. The president claims
that the company has agreed to start using real
cane sugar in Coke products. This is so insulting. Trump’s treating
Americans like a kid you can bribe with a treat. Allow me to demonstrate what
Donald Trump is going for here. Mm, I don’t care about
pedophilia anymore. [LAUGHTER] [CHEERING] Delicious. [LAUGHTER] And if all that
doesn’t work for you, if you don’t care about Coke
or Trump’s health, don’t worry. He’s got some true
crime for you. REPORTER: This morning, the
Trump administration releasing more than 230,000 pages
of records related to the assassination
of civil rights icon, Martin Luther King, Jr. That’s how bad
things are for Trump. His back is against
the wall so hard, he’s releasing
more Black history. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] But this might be the worst
distraction, because all he did was remind us that
he can declassify thousands of secret files. And people noticed. REPORTER: Bernice King,
the daughter of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, posted
this picture on social media with the caption
that simply reads, “Now, do the Epstein files.” [CHEERING] Damn, that is cold. Do you know how much
you have to screw up for Dr. King’s family to
go, no, no, we choose violence? [LAUGHTER] If Trump wants to distract
us, all he has to do is keep his promises. If you ended the wars
in Gaza and Ukraine, that would be
extremely distracting. If you put up
affordable housing, Americans would be like,
what Epstein files? [CHEERING] What Epstein files? I’m too distracted memorizing
my new home address. [LAUGHTER] If you want to think of it
in terms you can understand, think of it like a
bribe, Mr. President. You’re the deal guy. Make us a deal. We want to know what’s
in the Epstein files. But if you put some universal
health care in your palm and hand it over, Epstein who? I ain’t seen nothing. [CHEERING] For more on Trump trying to
get away from Epstein files, let’s go live to the
Department of Justice with Grace Kuhlenschmidt. [CHEERING] Grace, these MLK files
are such a waste of time. Yeah. Nothing I do on this show
is a waste of time, Josh. Because I actually went
through all of the MLK files, and there
are some bombshells. Let me stop you right there. Because last week,
you said Pam Bondi gave you new Epstein files. And they were clearly doctored
to make Trump look good. So are you sure these
MLK files are real? 100%, absolutely. They gave me real
files this time, like this secret
audio recording of MLK on a vintage iPod
Mini from 1963. [LAUGHTER] I don’t feel good about
the way this is starting. Just wait until you hear it. This is the first time it’s
ever been played publicly. And it will shock you. MAN AS MARTIN
LUTHER KING, JR: Are all the plans set for
tomorrow’s march on Washington? MAN: Yes, Reverend Dr.
Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Do you want me to invite
Jeffrey Epstein to speak at it? MAN AS MARTIN
LUTHER KING, JR: No. My good friend,
Donald Trump, told me Epstein is a bad person. And I always listen
to Donald Trump. President Trump is
an inspiration to me, and there’s nothing
wrong with the way his hands and ankles look. [LAUGHTER] I mean, wow. Thank you, FBI. Sunlight truly is the
best disinfectant. [LAUGHS] Grace, there’s so many things
wrong with that recording. Name six. [LAUGHTER] The timeline makes no sense. They didn’t have
iPods back then. That sounded like
somebody doing an impression of Dr. King. He called Trump
President Trump. And the other guy called him
Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Sounds to me like you
don’t really respect Dr. Day. But fine. If you don’t believe that,
take a look at this document. Tulsi Gabbard gave me. It’s a secret letter MLK
wrote from a Birmingham Jail. No, no, MLK’s letter
from a Birmingham Jail was never secret. We all read it in school. Yeah, the front of it. But only Tulsi Gabbard had
the brains to flip it over. And on the back,
Dr. King wrote, PS, fun fact about jail– lots of pedophiles
kill themselves here. It’s a totally normal thing
that shouldn’t be investigated. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] That was clearly made up. MLK never said the
words “fun fact.” Well, the FBI file says it
was his signature catchphrase. So, fun fact,
you’re wrong again. It’s not suspicious
to you that all these secret files exonerate
Trump from knowing Epstein? That’s why they’re
secret, Josh. Because the deep state has
been out to get Trump, and MLK was trying to
expose their scheme. He said it in a
secret video I found in the MLK files in a folder
labeled “Grace, look at this.” Check it out. Free at last. Free at last. Thank God almighty. MAN (VOICEOVER): Donald Trump
has never met Jeffrey Epstein. [CHEERING] Grace, that’s the most
famous speech in the world. We all know he didn’t say that. Then why is the speech called
Fun Fact, I Have a Dream? We’re never trusting
you with documents again. Grace Kuhlenschmidt, everyone. [CHEERING]

Josh Johnson kicks off his first day behind the host desk with possible new intel from Ghislaine Maxwell and Trump’s latest batch of Epstein distractions: a 2016 Obama conspiracy, releasing the MLK files, and even admitting that he’s not a medical marvel. Plus, you won’t believe the 100% real Epstein bombshells that Grace Kuhlenschmidt found in the MLK files. #DailyShow #Trump #JoshJohnson

0:00 – Josh Johnson’s TDS Welcome
0:24 – DOJ Looks To Set Up Meeting With Ghislaine Maxwell
2:47 – Trump’s Latest Distraction is a 2016 Obama Conspiracy
4:00 – Trump Diagnosed with Common Chronic Illness
6:19 – Coca Cola to Change Recipe by Recommendation of Trump
7:11 – Trump Administration Releases MLK Files
9:06 – Grace Kuhlenschmidt Weighs in on Trump’s Epstein Distractions

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