Asking for my mother, they've been there three days apparently…

by Portas30k

41 comments

  1. Work out what the nearest farm is and find a way to talk to them. It’s probably theirs.

  3. As a person who lives in the city (London) this looks like such a countryside problem 😭 Worst we find in our gardens, is a dead fox or smth 😭

  6. well if it’s been more than three days then i guess your mum can call herself a farmer now…best get the buckets out and get milking…..but really the best idea is to see if you can work out which farm is closest…the cattle have probably wondering from there

  8. If you checked the weather forecast last night you would have known that it would be Friesian in your garden this morning.

  10. Thankfully it’s a mild day, and not friesian out there..

  14. Who you gonna call? Cow busters!

    Maybe the non-emergency police number after that.

  16. The Cow Distribution system works better than the Cat Distribution system it would seem

  17. Had this happen to me when I was a teenager.

    I phoned the nearest farm (which was literally next door), and asked them about it. They said the tags on the cows ears have a number and they could look up who the cows belonged to. 

    Cows tend to be skittish or curious, rarely aggressive, so if/when you/your mum approaches them, do so slowly and calmly and talk gently to them. They’re likely scared! 

  18. 101. Police will have a method for contacting local team who are likely to know who is missing 4 cows.

    Facebook, as mentioned.

    I assume, if you get close enough to see the ear tag number, Defra will have contact with owner. Don’t intentionally approach if you aren’t comfortable. Cows are big dogs and some think they’re lap dogs.

  19. Cow busters?

    The RSPCA cow udderly confused line?

    The cow collection company?

    Udders R Us?

    Uncle Dave so you can go cow tipping?

  20. Just ask them to moove along to your neighbour and be shocked when he asks you what to do about 4 cows in his garden

  21. i don’t know who you should call but i do hope you update us on her new moomates 🙂

  25. All these jokes. You lot are milking this topic.

  26. If not a local farm, I’d get the number off one of the tags (if you can get close enough) and contact a local vet. There seems to be some DEFRA system that can look up the owner. Meanwhile, use the cow pats as free fertilizer.

  29. How has she had them in her garden for 3 days unless she’s got a massive garden.

    My mates a farmer and this happens to them sometimes. Normally the house will know the local farmer and ring them up or go round if not posting it on Facebook or ringing 101 normally gets them contacted quite quickly.

  34. Hello! Lots of joke answers here, but this is my area of work so I’ll give you a real one!

    If there are farms adjacent to the property or an obvious logical way or field that the cows have got in from, give the associated house a knock on the door first. Or pop it on the local Facebook group to see if that helps.

    If not, give APHA a call. If the cows were stray in the road or public land it would be the non emergency police line on 101, but APHA are best for dealing with straying farm animals that end up on private land.

    They’ll ask how many animals there are, how long they’ve been there, and whether they seem injured or distressed. If they are injured it’s treated as urgent, but they will also help track the owner and get them mooooved (sorry) on safely.

  38. Happened to us a few years ago. Knew where the farm was so knocked on the door. Really nice and apologetic about it. Helped shoo them on and made brews as they repaired the fence. And a few days later received a box of… Well let’s just say breakfast and dinner was sorted for weeks!!!

  39. Call 101 the non emergency police and tell them they’re unsecured and they could get onto the road and they’ll genuinely find the farmer

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