To my fellow pigeon wrangler at South Kensington station today… my souvenir.

Odds are you will never see this, but I felt a status update was in order regarding the distressed pigeon you were attempting to free from the string (see picture) which had become tangled around it’s neck and wing. After a couple attempts you seemed to make progress, before I intruded on your rescue attempt. My well intentioned plan to subdue the bird by blanketing it with a spare t-shirt caused the poor frightened creature to flop and flail its way into traffic.

Being not much brighter than our feathered friend, I blindly pursued the helpless creature into traffic. Rightfully so, you disengaged. Since rescuing an impulsive nitwit in addition to the pigeon was more than you likely bargained for. Having escalated the situation, I accepted that ownership of the pigeon scenario had transferred to me. I followed Mr. Pigeon across Cromwell Pl and up Harrington Rd, where I isolated him beneath a black cab in the centre lane. In this process I’m pretty sure I startled a few drivers and had a near miss with a Lime bike.

Not being from here, it took a while before I realized that this was where cabs idle awaiting passengers. Once I deduced that, I flushed him out and chased him onto the sidewalk before tackling him with the t-shirt. Sprawled on top of the poor thing I peeled back the t-shirt until I could access the pink string and remove it. At this point I looked up to see a very startled Chinese lady staring down at me as I released the pigeon. He stumbled and flailed at first, but then soared majestically upward and away. Probably to tell his pigeon buddies about how he narrowly escaped being eaten by a fat bald man. In my excitement with the mission accomplished, I leapt to my feet, raising my hands in victory while giving a loud “Woo-hoo!!”. The Chinese lady having just witnessed all of this, excitedly returned my gesture, making my efforts completely worthwhile.

Later, after visiting the Natural History Museum, while waiting in line for cookies near the same station, my wife scolded a young boy for chasing a pigeon. The bizarre hypocrisy of it all was delightful.

And that was my first day ever in the UK, my fellow pigeon wrangler. While I think the CCTV footage would be magnificent, it would not be nearly as magnificent as London itself.

(I’m keeping this stupid string as a trophy and reminder that you drive on the other side of the road over here)