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<\/p>\nDating in Nigeria today feels like a high-stakes game; everyone is seeking connection while trying to appear as nonchalant and cool as possible. Between mixed signals, unspoken expectations and relationships that feel increasingly transactional, the streets have become exhausting to navigate.\u00a0<\/p>\n
We spoke to Nigerians about what they dislike most about the current dating culture, why dating now feels harder than it should, and what they think can be done to improve it.<\/p>\n
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\u201cThe mental gymnastics are\u00a0 exhausting\u201d \u2014 Janet*, 23, F<\/p>\n
Janet can\u2019t stand how everyone\u2019s now trying to be the \u201chard guy\u201d. She recounts how a former entanglement left her overanalysing every interaction.<\/p>\n
\u201c No one wants to be vulnerable anymore. Instead, people try to take advantage of other people\u2019s openness. I wish love were so much simpler. Sometimes it feels like I need to take a whole course to understand the opposite gender and what they want out of relationships.<\/p>\n
In a past fling, confusing mixed signals turned me into an overthinker. I didn\u2019t know where I stood with him, and I drove myself up the wall trying to interpret the meaning of every touch and every text. I eventually called the whole thing off.<\/p>\n
I think decentralising social media is a great first step to fixing this vulnerability issue. The internet sets and upholds unrealistic standards for love, dating and relationships. We should instead prioritise intentionality and honesty. It almost feels like romance and effort are becoming lost arts. We need to bring them back.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cEverything now feels transactional\u201d \u2014 Inioluwa*, 29, M<\/p>\n
Inioluwa doesn\u2019t appreciate how transactional modern Nigerian relationships have become.<\/p>\n
\u201cEverything has become transactional and shallow. Many women seem focused on what a man can provide in the moment, in terms of lifestyle and material things. As a result, people sideline real connections, communication, consistency and shared values.<\/p>\n
I think the only way to improve the situation is through more honesty and maturity on every front. Strong relationships are built on alignment and intention, not just attraction and flashy things. If we all stop playing these games, get clear about our intentions and respect the boundaries of others, dating would be less stressful and more meaningful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cQueer relationships aren\u2019t taken seriously\u201d \u2014 Gbenro*, 29, M<\/p>\n
Gbenro\u2019s least favourite aspect of dating is being treated like a placeholder because potential queer partners want to end up marrying women.<\/p>\n
\u201cThese days, guys don\u2019t take queer dating as seriously. Most of the time, they only see themselves ending up with women.<\/p>\n
I understand that homophobia is everywhere in Nigeria, but being treated like a placeholder instead of a partner hurts, even if the relationship is temporary. If you\u2019re lucky, they\u2019ll tell you about the marriage in advance and ask you to be the best man. If you\u2019re not, you\u2019ll wake up one day blocked everywhere and later see their wedding photos on a stranger\u2019s Instagram story.<\/p>\n
I think more queer men need to be honest with themselves. In my experience, many seek validation from their mothers and will do anything to please them, even marrying a woman at the expense of their happiness. I want more of them to shake off that need for validation and stop doing the \u2018expected thing\u2019. I want queer people to choose themselves more. This pattern only creates more problems for the mothers they\u2019re trying to impress and the unknowing wives they marry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEffort and intentionality are scarce commodities these days\u201d \u2014 Bolu*, 24, F<\/p>\n
For Bolu, the dating scene feels overrun with dishonesty and a noticeable lack of effort from suitors.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cEveryone wants a new emotional connection without labels, which means they\u2019re looking for the least possible amount of emotional responsibility. Despite this tepid approach to love, people still want all the perks that come with being in a committed relationship, which is wild to me.<\/p>\n
I once asked someone the \u2018What are we?\u2019 question, and he said, \u2018I enjoy your company and attention, but I\u2019m not ready for commitment.\u2019 That response threw me off, and we parted ways shortly after.<\/p>\n
I think things will only get better when people enter the dating scene genuinely interested in building emotional connections, willing to act intentionally and stay committed. We shouldn\u2019t use other people\u2019s emotions so freely or treat them like dumping grounds for past relationship traumas.\u201d<\/p>\n