{"id":134640,"date":"2026-08-10T06:42:09","date_gmt":"2026-08-10T06:42:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ai\/134640\/"},"modified":"2026-08-10T06:42:09","modified_gmt":"2026-08-10T06:42:09","slug":"advice-he-told-chatgpt-hes-not-proposing-because-of-my-weight-gain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ai\/134640\/","title":{"rendered":"Advice: He told ChatGPT he\u2019s not proposing because of my weight gain"},"content":{"rendered":"

– Broken and Paranoid<\/p>\n

Broken and Paranoid: Oh, love. You\u2019re asking the wrong question. I know weight gain can sometimes trigger shame, but I urge you to find a way to banish the idea that you let him (or anyone) down by gaining it (more on that in a moment).<\/p>\n

You\u2019ll need to contend with two hard truths: you snooped \u2013 sounds as though ChatGPT is his diary or therapist \u2013 and you cannot unsee what you\u2019ve seen. If you want to stick with your boyfriend, even if this was insecurity-fuelled invasion of privacy, you\u2019ll need to disclose and resolve the breach of trust, because there\u2019s no going back to a time you didn\u2019t see this.<\/p>\n

He asked ChatGPT. You\u2019re asking me (thanks, by the way!). Now is the time for real conversations with each other. You could invite him to open up to you instead of a robot. Maybe he was blowing off steam to AI. Or telling the truth when you asked about your sex life. Or offering excuses to avoid saying hurtful things to you. Whelp, hurtful things are now out. Here\u2019s his chance to be fully honest about how he feels about himself, his needs, his values and whether he still wants to be with you. (Questions you should earnestly ask of yourself, too). Each person has their own hierarchy of needs within a relationship, and you\u2019re only in charge of your own. For example, you\u2019re allowed to have a need to feel desired. Is this important to you? Given his chat log \u2013 and maybe it\u2019s just part of the story \u2013 he sounds conflicted. He may need to sort himself out. You may, too.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not uncommon for relationships to get disrupted when one partner undergoes a dramatic physical transformation. Married people who\u2019ve had bariatric surgery have higher divorce rates \u2013 one study found they\u2019re more than twice as likely to split \u2013 in part because that kind of major weight loss can have ripple effects on shared habits, rituals and sex lives. The established equilibrium is upended. Perhaps yours has, too. You could enlist professional resources or experts (of which I am not, but neither is ChatGPT) individually or as a couple for support. But it\u2019s helpful to know this is a broader societal dynamic that isn\u2019t just about you two.<\/p>\n

For your part, if you wish to make lifestyle changes, I pray you find a way to be motivated by a desire to be happy and healthy \u2013 mentally, emotionally, physically \u2013 for your own sake, not to alter your appearance to persuade someone to stay with you. You\u2019re deserving of love, and if someone loves you, your well-being should be their top concern. Is your well-being also your top concern? If not, what actions can you take to prioritise it?<\/p>\n

Now, I say this with all the kindness in the world: if your boyfriend doesn\u2019t want to marry you because of your weight gain, or your difficulty dealing with it, this is what it is. We cannot always control our attraction. But consider what this would tell you about him, your dynamic and whether you\u2019d even feel safe being tied together for life. For instance, if you drop the weight now, what happens if it comes back? The commitment you\u2019re contemplating is serious business. You enter into a marriage with a particular body, and then life will life. Accidents. Unexpected illnesses. Hormone roller coasters. We all age (well, unless you\u2019re Kris Jenner\/have Kris Jenner money and time, but that\u2019s another matter). The bodies we start with inevitably change, and sometimes we, and our desires, change, too.<\/p>\n

Ideally, you and your person can navigate it all together. Not everyone can. But I assure you life only gets more complicated from here. How you treat each other and yourselves during the complications is far more revealing than any number on a scale. If you can\u2019t weather this particular season together, you\u2019ll probably be saving yourself so much more heartbreak down the line.<\/p>\n

The Washington Post\u2019s new advice column, Say More, tackles relationship conflicts of all types: romantic, familial, platonic, etc. Elahe Izadi is a staff writer covering media and also co-hosts the daily podcast Post Reports.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"– Broken and Paranoid Broken and Paranoid: Oh, love. You\u2019re asking the wrong question. I know weight gain…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":134641,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[16638,66882,55194,580,66878,610,23164,66880,32900,66875,66876,29646,6445,14782,66881,29855,66883,12351,1182,157,29475,66877,66879,18025,31393,125],"class_list":["post-134640","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-openai","tag-advice","tag-along","tag-because","tag-chatgpt","tag-dear","tag-from","tag-gain","tag-gained","tag-gone","tag-he","tag-hes","tag-ive","tag-life","tag-more","tag-much","tag-my","tag-nonexistent","tag-not","tag-of","tag-openai","tag-pandemic","tag-proposing","tag-since","tag-told","tag-weight","tag-with"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ai\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134640","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ai\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ai\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ai\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ai\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=134640"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ai\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134640\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ai\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/134641"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ai\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=134640"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ai\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=134640"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ai\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=134640"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}