a third of U.S. adults using tools like ChatGPT<\/a>, they\u2019re inevitably starting to impact romantic relationships. For some couples, AI could offer a low-stakes way to talk through feelings they might otherwise keep bottled up. But unlike a therapist or trusted friend, what emerges is less a neutral adviser than an invisible participant in the relationship itself \u2014 one capable of reinforcing doubts and reshaping how people feel about their significant others.<\/p>\nIt Fast-Tracked The Breakup<\/p>\n
Claire*, 21, and John* had been long distance, with her in Canada and him in England, for the entirety of their three-year relationship. On her last visit to see him, Claire noticed that he turned to the platform for just about everything. He admitted he wanted to better organize his life, but it quickly became more than an organization tool: \u201cAny minor detail in his life, like maybe his chicken was undercooked, he would narrate an entire paragraph for ChatGPT about why he was panicked about it,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
When she tried to express her apprehension about how John was outsourcing everything to AI instead of figuring things out himself or talking to his friends, he insisted that she was just \u201cfearmongering\u201d him. As she watched his ChatGPT use increase, she noticed him pulling away from her too. He stopped texting. He rarely called. When Claire would reach out, his responses were littered with AI buzzwords.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2018Why does he sound like a chatbot?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
In one instance, after getting caught driving through a blizzard and nearly getting into an accident, she turned to him for emotional support. He refused, texting back, \u201c\u2018When my system is telling me there\u2019s too much input and it\u2019s reached its capacity, I have to listen to it,\u2019\u201d Claire says. \u201cI sent it to my younger sister, and she said, \u2018Why does he sound like a chatbot?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
She began to genuinely worry about his abrupt shift in personality. Since she couldn\u2019t get any info about why he was behaving like this out of him, Claire decided to go straight to the source. She logged into his ChatGPT using the same email and password that he\u2019d once shared with her when she helped organize his inbox.<\/p>\n
Justin Sullivan\/Getty Images News\/Getty Images<\/p>\n
She didn\u2019t think it was an overt invasion of privacy since she wouldn\u2019t care if someone went into her chatbot, where she mostly asks questions about homework. \u201cChatGPT is not like a diary, where you\u2019re like, \u2018Oh, I\u2019m snooping into it, because I know there\u2019s gonna be emotional lore,\u2019\u201d she says. But his most recent query stunned her: \u201cHow do I explain the breakup?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI went into shock,\u201d Claire says. \u201cThere were threads and threads of messages about me, things I\u2019d done that overstimulated him and how he didn\u2019t know when to draw the line.\u201d He had even been sending screenshots of their messages, asking how to respond.<\/p>\n
She felt blindsided.<\/p>\n
That night, she called him and said, \u201cI heard you want to break up with me.\u201d When he asked who told her that she said, \u201cyour ChatGPT.\u201d He got angry, calling it a violation of privacy, and said that her snooping had fast-tracked his decision to break up, which he claimed was mostly due to distance.<\/p>\n
Claire isn\u2019t sure it was ever John\u2019s own decision to begin with. \u201cTo him, ChatGPT made it seem like our relationship was worse than it was,\u201d she theorizes. She recalls seeing threads where he framed ordinary moments of conflict \u2014 like her wanting more regular calls \u2014 as signs that the relationship was overwhelming him. \u201cHe would only tell it the bad things, and then it became that he would go to ChatGPT to work things out instead of coming to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
It Validated Her Cheating<\/p>\n
AI can become a third party people lean on not just for clarity, but for validation. When Mya*, a 26-year-old New Yorker, met Nat* (who was in an open relationship at the time), she saw Nat using ChatGPT quite regularly, whether it was to do schoolwork, write an email, or get advice.<\/p>\n
Mya also saw her use ChatGPT to draft text messages to her boyfriend. \u201cWhen she and I would be discussing her other relationship, she would constantly reference \u2018Chat said I should do this; Chat said I should do that,\u2019\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
Daniel Balakov\/E+\/Getty Images<\/p>\n
After a short period of overlap, Nat and her boyfriend broke up, and she and Mya became exclusive. Within months, they were living together.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, when they went on vacation to Croatia, Mya learned through mutual friends that Nat had been cheating on her. She booked a $1,200 flight home and went no contact \u2014 that is, until Nat reached out with not an authentic apology, but something that seemed to be copied and pasted straight from the LLM.<\/p>\n
\u201cEven if we f*ck up, AI can be very biased towards taking our side.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe em dashes. The certain vocabulary. The analogies,\u201d Mya says. \u201cThere\u2019s a style that ChatGPT uses that\u2019s just very easy to spot.\u201d She hadn\u2019t realized Nat was processing their relationship with AI, too. To boot, it was very focused around Natalie\u2019s narrative versus the hurt she caused.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe never apologized for the cheating, and she was very centered on herself,\u201d Mya says. She believes that ChatGPT\u2019s self-affirming ways probably validated Nat\u2019s actions. \u201cEven if we f*ck up, AI can be very biased towards taking our side.\u201d<\/p>\n
Mya found it hard to get closure from their final conversation since she was pretty sure a third voice was involved.<\/p>\n
Going forward, she\u2019s hesitant to date another chronic AI user. \u201cIt\u2019s an ick,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
*Names have been changed<\/p>\n
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