{"id":26174,"date":"2026-06-06T23:15:21","date_gmt":"2026-06-06T23:15:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/australia\/26174\/"},"modified":"2026-06-06T23:15:21","modified_gmt":"2026-06-06T23:15:21","slug":"more-funerals-than-birthdays-how-grief-taught-this-teenager-about-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/australia\/26174\/","title":{"rendered":"More funerals than birthdays: How grief taught this teenager about life"},"content":{"rendered":"

WARNING: Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people are advised that this article contains images and names of people who have died.<\/p>\n

At 12, Marilyn had a devastating thought.<\/p>\n

The Yol\u014bu teen had just lost her nanna.<\/p>\n

Before that, all four aunties.<\/p>\n

Her mum.<\/p>\n

“Wow, I really have to keep saying goodbye to all these people,” she remembers realising.<\/p>\n

“[It] made me feel like ‘what is my worth if all these people keep leaving my life?'”<\/p>\n

Marilyn, now 18, estimates she has attended more funerals than birthday parties.<\/p>\n

Often, she is in the front row for sorry business, the seats reserved for close family.<\/p>\n

If you or anyone you know needs support or help:<\/p>\n

It is an unfathomable scale of grief for most, and one Marilyn has endured mostly before adulthood.<\/p>\n

But the teenager is refusing to shy away from its weight.<\/p>\n

Her mourning journey has also brought her strength \u2014 and family.<\/p>\n

“Grief has shaped me so much, shaped me in ways that I could never imagine,” she says.<\/p>\n

Growing up with grief<\/p>\n

Marilyn holds onto the stories she hears about her mother.<\/p>\n

Her own memories are rarer.<\/p>\n

\"A<\/p>\n

Marilyn as a young child with her mum. (Supplied)<\/p>\n

She was only five the day her mother died in their Darwin apartment.<\/p>\n

“I just wish I was old enough to actually get to know her personality,” she says.<\/p>\n

“But I can tell that she was a very beautiful person, a beautiful human, and I’m so glad that she brought me into this world.”<\/p>\n

There are moments from that day Marilyn does remember.<\/p>\n

Ringing Triple Zero to tell them what happened, speaking in English even though she mainly spoke Yol\u014bu Mata.<\/p>\n

“I remember my mum on a stretcher going down the stairs, them holding her,” she says.<\/p>\n

“That was the last time I ever saw her.”<\/p>\n

It was her first experience with loss, but grieving didn’t make sense yet.<\/p>\n

“I never really understood what grief was like and what it really meant until I had lost a lot of more people around me,” she says.<\/p>\n

\"A<\/p>\n

At only a young age, Marilyn was forced to confront grief over and over. (Supplied)<\/p>\n

Like her aunties.<\/p>\n

Her mother’s four older sisters \u2014 Grace, Cheryl, Miriam, and Emily \u2014 all took Marilyn in.<\/p>\n

“They made a promise to my mum that they would all have some sort of part to look after me, and that’s what they all did,” she says.<\/p>\n

“And I’m so glad that they all had such an impact on me before they all left.”<\/p>\n

Not long after, her nanna and pop also passed away.<\/p>\n

“[My nanna] had a lot of impact on me,” Marilyn says.<\/p>\n

“It was like I just hit another rock.”<\/p>\n

\"A<\/p>\n

Marilyn’s nanna had a huge impact on her life before she passed away. (Supplied)<\/p>\n

‘Brothers by blood’<\/p>\n

Grief stung Marilyn hard, robbing her of self worth.<\/p>\n

But, amid the pain, also came unexpected joy.<\/p>\n

When one of her remaining aunts started getting sick she arranged for Marilyn to go to a foster family.<\/p>\n

The move from the home she knew was confusing at first.<\/p>\n

Marilyn remembers the day the foster care worker buckled her into the car, promising a McDonald’s trip.<\/p>\n

“I sat there and I said to her, as we were driving out, ‘where are you taking me?,'” she says.<\/p>\n

“And she said ‘to your new home’.”<\/p>\n

She nervously gripped onto the Happy Meal box as the car pulled into a new driveway.<\/p>\n

\"Two<\/p>\n

Jill (left) has been Marilyn’s foster mum for more than 11 years now. (Supplied)<\/p>\n

There she met her foster mother, Jill, who called out for three boys: Jacob, Kayden and Thomas.<\/p>\n

“I don’t know what I’m doing here, but I’ll give it a go,” she says.<\/p>\n

“Anyway, I walked in and it felt like home.”<\/p>\n

The three boys immediately took Marilyn under their wing.<\/p>\n

“I usually refer to them as my brothers because they are,” she says.<\/p>\n

“I don’t see difference within us.<\/p>\n

“To me, they’re my brothers by blood.”<\/p>\n

\"A<\/p>\n

Marilyn joking around with her brothers Thomas (far left) and Kayden (centre). (Supplied)<\/p>\n

Her eldest brother Jacob, in particular, became her “best friend” and “protector”.<\/p>\n

“Jacob, man, he was the type of person that he could walk into a room and everyone would feel his presence,” she says.<\/p>\n

“His smile, it just made you smile.<\/p>\n

“When you met him you would definitely be like, ‘yeah he’s my new friend.'”<\/p>\n

Eleven years older than Marilyn, it was Jacob who took Marilyn and her brothers on fishing trips and outdoor adventures.<\/p>\n

She became better known as ‘Aunty Moo’ to his kids.<\/p>\n

“He loved just hanging out with us,” she says.<\/p>\n

“I loved having him as my oldest brother.”<\/p>\n

\"A<\/p>\n

Jacob (right) relaxes with Marilyn. (Supplied)<\/p>\n

The Snapchat that shattered it all<\/p>\n

At 14, Marilyn was in boarding school in Perth \u2014 and at one of the rare birthdays she was invited to.<\/p>\n

She grabbed her phone in the few seconds spare between games.<\/p>\n

Her brother Thomas had posted a new Snapchat story.<\/p>\n

She tapped on it.<\/p>\n

“It was a little passage saying: ‘I’m going to miss you so much my brother’,” she says.<\/p>\n

\u00a0“And it was a picture of my oldest brother.”<\/p>\n

In disbelief, she called Jill.<\/p>\n

“Is this a joke? Is this for real?” she asked.<\/p>\n

“And we both broke down crying.”<\/p>\n

Marilyn’s foster mother told her Jacob had died following a motorcycle accident.<\/p>\n

“That was the moment I felt like my whole life fell apart,” she says.<\/p>\n

\"Three<\/p>\n

Marilyn and her brothers at the site of Jacob’s memorial. (Supplied)<\/p>\n

Mourning had been Marilyn’s near-constant companion, but Jacob’s death was different.<\/p>\n

She was old enough to understand.<\/p>\n

“The feeling of losing a brother is something that I really don’t wish upon my enemy or anyone,” she says.<\/p>\n

“I really felt the feeling of grief losing him.”\"A<\/p>\n

Marilyn remembers Jacob as an outgoing, kind, and an open-hearted man. (ABC News: Leah White)<\/p>\n

‘I miss your dad too’<\/p>\n

A distraught Marilyn returned to her family in Darwin, even though everything had changed.<\/p>\n

But in time, stories helped.<\/p>\n

She found writing things down expressed how she felt when speaking couldn’t.<\/p>\n

Thomas and Kayden also shared their memories with her.<\/p>\n

“After losing Jacob we have definitely come closer as siblings because we all get what it’s like to lose someone that close to you,” she says.<\/p>\n

\"A<\/p>\n

Marilyn and her family have used the memories and stories of Jacob to heal. (Supplied)<\/p>\n

Memories she now passes onto his six children.<\/p>\n

“I remember my niece came into my room and said ‘Moo, can I tell you something?,'” she says.<\/p>\n

“And I said, ‘Yeah, what’s up?’ And she said: ‘I miss dad.’<\/p>\n

“And I said: ‘Yeah, I miss your dad too.’<\/p>\n

“I really connected with her in that moment because I could tell her stories about Jacob.”<\/p>\n

Why Geraldine Brooks went to Flinders Island to mourn her husband<\/a><\/p>\n

Three years after the sudden death of her husband, author Geraldine Brooks retreated to Flinders Island to do the work of grief.<\/p>\n

Marilyn says that niece is now eight.<\/p>\n

She was not much younger when she lost her own mother.<\/p>\n

“That feeling of not having your parent with you every night to give you a kiss before bed is really heartbreaking,” she acknowledges.<\/p>\n

“But I think they will grow up with many stories from me and my brothers.<\/p>\n

“That love will always carry on from Jacob as well, so we can give that to them.”\"Marilyn<\/p>\n

Marilyn says she loves Jacob’s children and wants them to hear all about their father. (Supplied)<\/p>\n

‘I’m stronger now’<\/p>\n

Four years have passed since the loss of Jacob, almost 14 years since her mother’s death.<\/p>\n

Marilyn’s grief has not disappeared. She doesn’t think it ever will.<\/p>\n

Grieving is more complex than ‘moving on’ and ‘getting over it’<\/a><\/p>\n

Grief is raw, complex, often fraught\u00a0\u2014 and “moving on” from a loss is rarely straightforward or linear.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But she is learning to find comfort in that.<\/p>\n

“It’s always going to be in the back of your mind, but you have to remember that they would want you to keep going,” she says.<\/p>\n

“I feel my brother and my mum, I feel that they’re with me.<\/p>\n

“If I can have their presence in my heart I know that I can keep going.”<\/p>\n

One day, Marilyn wants to write a book about her experience, or work somewhere where she can help others accept their own grief.<\/p>\n

Accept, not overcome.<\/p>\n

\"A<\/p>\n

“I love sharing what I’ve been through and the grief that has made me who I am.” Marilyn says. (ABC News: Leah White)<\/p>\n

“It’s a part of who I am now,” she says now, of grief.<\/p>\n

“And I wouldn’t be who I am if I didn’t lose all those people.<\/p>\n

“This is all because I’ve lost these people.<\/p>\n

“This is all because I’ve felt this grief that I’m stronger now.”\"Banner<\/a><\/p>\n

The ABC’s Heywire competition<\/a> is open to all regional Australians aged between 16 and 22.<\/p>\n

The annual competition provides a platform for the younger generation, in pockets of Australia that rarely see the spotlight, to “tell it like it is”.<\/p>\n

If you are aged between 16 and 22 and would like to find out more about the ABC Heywire Competition, go to the ABC Heywire website<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"WARNING: Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people are advised that this article contains images and names of people…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":26175,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[24377,22,21,24376,24379,24375,3593,24378],"class_list":["post-26174","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-australia","tag-abc-heywire","tag-au","tag-austrlia","tag-family-grief","tag-foster-family","tag-grief","tag-loss","tag-marilyn"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/australia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26174","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/australia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/australia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/australia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/australia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26174"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/australia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26174\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/australia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/26175"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/australia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26174"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/australia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26174"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/australia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26174"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}