Move over, Pitbull. The real Mr Worldwides are the people out here keeping romance alive across borders.
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@issabrowngirl/TikTok
Imagine a situationship. But without the emotional whiplash, the overthinking, and the dreaded “so what are we?” conversation.
The international bae is basically your person who isn’t quite your person. Two people who maybe don’t have the capacity for a conventional relationship right now, but somehow fit perfectly into each other’s lives despite being in different time zones.
In other words, a flirty form of pen pal. Usually newly single, craving a bit of excitement, or simply wanting to have fun without the pressure and emotional admin that can come with some traditional relationships. Basically, the perfect set-up for anyone whose life is already chaotic enough – whether that’s because of work, travel, or just not having the capacity to add a full-blown relationship into the mix.
And before the morality police chime in, the intentions (or lack of) are very clear and transparent.
You know where you stand. They know where they stand. And conveniently, that place is usually several hundred (or thousands) miles away.
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Turns out, the international bae might not just be a very niche internet phenomenon fuelled by TikTok and people romanticising airport departures. The numbers suggest we might actually be onto something.
Bumble told BuzzFeed that one in three people (33%) are now more open to dating or having relationships with someone outside their current city – showing that our idea of the “perfect match” is becoming a little less tied to whoever happens to live nearby.
And perhaps it’s no surprise that holidays are where some of these connections begin, with three in four people saying they tend to be more spontaneous when they’re away.
Add in the fact that more than half (52%) agree that dating abroad is a fun way to learn about a new culture, while one in five (21%) say they’re more attracted to people from different places, and suddenly the international bae starts to make a lot more sense.
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But while we’re all enjoying the excitement of it all, is there also something slightly more complicated about why these connections feel so appealing? The very thing that makes an international bae seem so fun might also be the thing that makes it so easy to romanticise: the distance.
When someone isn’t part of your everyday life, there’s more room to fill in the blanks. You’re often getting the highlights, the best version of each other, and a relationship that exists outside the mundane realities of day-to-day life.
Clarissa Silva, Behavioural Scientist, Relationship Expert, and Founder of C Silva Solutions, says this links to a wider shift in modern dating, where our online connections can sometimes create the illusion of intimacy without always requiring the same level of vulnerability.
“Increasingly, our digital dating world keeps coming up with new terms for avoidant behaviour,” she explains. “It is creating the paradox effect in dating: the illusion of having more social engagement, social capital, and popularity; but masking one’s true persona and intent.”
And while that might sound a little intense for anyone who has simply been enjoying a flirty FaceTime, Silva believes there can be an appeal in connections that keep a little distance from the bigger relationship questions.
“An international bae can feel ideal because it creates distance from the deeper questions your self-doubt is asking you to confront. Ultimately, it becomes a relationship that does not resolve those core issues. Instead, it will nurture your anxieties and keep you fighting within yourself,” she says.
Of course, not every international bae is a case study in avoidance. Sometimes it really is just two people from different places enjoying a connection, learning about each other’s worlds, and having a bit of fun.
But maybe that’s what makes the international bae so fascinating: it sits somewhere between genuine connection and a curated fantasy.
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Of course, while the international bae might feel like the ultimate low-pressure dating arrangement, the same rules apply as with any connection: have fun, but keep yourself safe.
So before you go changing your location, checking flight prices, and convincing yourself this is finally your international love story after three voice notes, Bumble has shared a few simple safety tips to keep in mind:
– Before meeting someone, ask them to get verified using Bumble’s photo verification feature.
– If you want to get a better feel for someone before taking things offline, use Bumble’s Video Chat or Voice Call features within the app, rather than sharing your personal contact details straight away.
– If you do decide to meet in person, choose a public place, like a coffee shop or busy restaurant.
– Let someone you trust know who you’re meeting, where you’re going and when you expect to be home.
– Avoid sharing private information, such as your home or workplace address, too early.
– And remember: you never owe anyone your time. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s always okay to leave.
Additional photo credit: RDNE Stock project
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