{"id":101961,"date":"2026-08-12T11:36:09","date_gmt":"2026-08-12T11:36:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/britain\/101961\/"},"modified":"2026-08-12T11:36:09","modified_gmt":"2026-08-12T11:36:09","slug":"im-discovering-how-hard-it-is-for-my-immigrant-parents-to-grow-old-in-britain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/britain\/101961\/","title":{"rendered":"I’m discovering how hard it is for my immigrant parents to grow old in Britain"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s Eid<\/a> and I\u2019m sitting at the dinner table. My parents<\/a> have rustled up a feast and I\u2019m in complete denial about how much ghee has gone into the pilau because I\u2019m already eyeing up seconds.<\/p>\n

I look over at my dad. His glass of water is untouched. I kiss my teeth. \u201cDad, why aren\u2019t you drinking your water?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI have.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, you haven\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow many glasses do you drink a day?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOne.\u201d<\/p>\n

Shocking. I move on to fruit.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo\u2026 have you eaten any today?\u201d<\/p>\n

Before he can answer, my mum snitches. \u201cHe\u2019ll have a pear every now and then.\u201d<\/p>\n

I launch into a lecture about hydration, fibre and type 2 diabetes<\/a> as my dad\u2019s eyes slowly glaze over. He\u2019d completely checked out. This was the fourth lecture I\u2019d given him about his health, bowels and smoking habits in the space of two months<\/a>. And I\u2019d seen that expression before. It was a carbon copy of the one I would make at 15, sitting opposite my parents while they lectured me about looking after myself.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s when it hit me. We\u2019d done a complete role reversal. I was parenting<\/a> my parents.<\/p>\n

This blows my mind because there was a time when I thought mum and dad were the most powerful people on the planet. More powerful than the US president or my primary school headteacher. They knew everything. They decided everything. Their word wasn\u2019t just law, it was the only law.<\/p>\n

Every immigrant child has had the \u201cimmigrant speech\u201d monologued to them from an irate parent: \u201cI came to this country with nothing. I know what\u2019s best for you.\u201d Blah, blah, blah. Immigrant parents were unquestionable. Immovable. My parents experienced racism like our generation never did<\/a>. None of this covert racist stuff and microaggressions we talk about today. No, it was good, old-fashioned-in-your-face racism<\/a>. I am talking about National Front marches on your doorstep, horrific violence and intimidation, access to housing and education denied. We were raised on the classic \u201cthey crawled so we could run\u201d mantra so, of course, you were forever indebted, forever grateful and more importantly forever obedient.<\/p>\n

I never dreamt that we would have an equal relationship, let alone one where they asked for my advice and actually took me seriously. But somewhere along the way, without any of us noticing, my siblings and I somehow became the family board of directors.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s the strange thing about growing up with immigrant parents<\/a>. In one sense, you\u2019ve been helping them navigate Britain since you were a child. I grew up translating letters, speaking to banks, pretending I understood mortgage rates and filling in forms that were far above my pay grade. But that wasn\u2019t parenting. That was just cosplaying an interpreter and a very bad mortgage broker. The emotional power never shifted. They were the adults. We were the children. They were always right and we were always wrong.<\/p>\n

They told us what to eat, what to wear, who we could go out with and when to come home. They looked after us when we were ill. They were our carers. Now, the tables have turned. My siblings and I have to constantly remind them to check their blood sugar, hydrate and eat more healthily<\/a>. My dad gets endless colds. I\u2019ve lost count of how many times I\u2019ve begged him to drink more lemon and ginger tea. Does he listen? Of course not.<\/p>\n

The strangest consequence of parenting my parents is that it has brought us closer. They\u2019re starting to let us in now in ways they never did before. They ask for our advice. They tell us when something hurts. They admit when they\u2019re worried and, most extraordinarily of all, they admit when they\u2019re wrong. I honestly thought hell would freeze over before I heard an apology come out of either of their mouths.<\/p>\n

For years they protected us from their vulnerability. Now they trust us with it. Our relationship feels more honest than it ever has. I just wish we\u2019d got here sooner before their health started declining. I spent so many years wishing my parents would chill out. I just never imagined it would happen because age got there first.<\/p>\n

Caring<\/a> for them is funny sometimes, frustrating most of the time and, every now and then, heartbreaking. Not because they\u2019ve become different people, but because you suddenly realise they\u2019re no longer the invincible people you always believed they were. Growing old is hard enough, growing old in a country where the language, the systems and the bureaucracy is alien adds another layer of vulnerability.<\/p>\n

When I was a child, helping my parents navigate Britain was easy because we all lived under one roof. Now I can\u2019t be at every GP appointment, every hospital scan or every confusing phone call. I can\u2019t translate every conversation or catch every misunderstanding. That\u2019s the hardest part. You spend your childhood helping your parents navigate a country that wasn\u2019t built for them. Then, before you realise it, you\u2019re helping them navigate old age too.<\/p>\n

Next time I visit my parents, I\u2019ll probably ask my dad if he\u2019s drunk enough water. He\u2019ll probably say he has, even though he hasn\u2019t. He\u2019ll roll his eyes in exactly the same way I used to. In my culture, looking after your parents in later life isn\u2019t unusual. My parents have six children and we\u2019ll all do our bit, just as they did for us.<\/p>\n

Perhaps that\u2019s the deal we make with our parents<\/a>. They spend the first half of their lives fighting to build us a life they never got and we spend the second half trying to return the favour.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"It\u2019s Eid and I\u2019m sitting at the dinner table. My parents have rustled up a feast and I\u2019m…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":101962,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_share_on_mastodon":"0"},"categories":[2],"tags":[42896,13,3677,2447,3709,2914,34434],"class_list":["post-101961","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-britain","tag-ageing","tag-britain","tag-carers","tag-family","tag-migrants","tag-parenting","tag-parents"],"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@UnitedKingdom\/117082337027361231","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/britain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101961","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/britain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/britain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/britain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/britain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=101961"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/britain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/101961\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/britain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/101962"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/britain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=101961"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/britain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=101961"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/britain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=101961"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}