What to know<\/p>\n
Many in Toronto\u2019s dating scene, both Gen X and younger generations, feel romance and chivalry are disappearing, making it hard to find a genuine connection.<\/p>\n
Dating apps and mixers offer opportunities, but finding genuine, intentional connections remains tough.<\/p>\n
An expert says baggage and changing social norms make dating later in life more challenging, but not impossible.<\/p>\n
If you think dating is hard in Toronto as a Gen Z, you\u2019re not alone \u2014 Gen X faces the same challenges too.<\/p>\n
Situationships and one-night stands are now common experiences, no matter the generation, sometimes making it seem as if romance has faded.<\/p>\n
For this edition of This Is Dating Now, Now Toronto asked a Gen X woman if she believes courtship is still alive, based on her dating experience.<\/p>\n
Read More<\/p>\n
Danielle Beitz<\/a> is a 53-year-old real estate agent looking for love.<\/p>\n She was once married, but he wasn\u2019t her forever partner. Now, she has two kids: a 21-year-old daughter and a 30-year-old son, and she\u2019s looking for someone to settle down with.<\/p>\n Beitz has been single for four years now and has been taking more initiative to find a partner by going to mixers, bars, and parks, or simply saying hello to someone in an elevator.<\/p>\n Has modern dating lost its sense of romance?<\/p>\n From those experiences, she\u2019s realized that modern-day dating has lost chivalry and courtship. She started out by using dating apps, but realized that they might make it easier to meet someone, but not always better.<\/p>\n \u201cRight now, it\u2019s about hanging out, and hanging out means having sex, right? And I mean, when I hear, \u2018Hey, wanna hang out?\u2019 I just immediately delete, like I\u2019m exhausted from that, and I don\u2019t think the generation now even really knows what romance is,\u201d Beitz told Now Toronto.<\/p>\n She believes that many people on the apps find Tinder to be for finding sex, and it ruins the app\u2019s purpose for those who want something genuine, like herself.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve got a group of 10 people, they\u2019ve already probably all slept together, dated each other, or you know, Tinder and Bumble, it\u2019s the same people, they\u2019re just rotating,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n She added that her generation is also unserious about love.<\/p>\n \u201cThey\u2019re sleeping around too. It\u2019s like a cold. They caught it,\u201d Beitz said. \u201cThey have the grass is greener syndrome. It doesn\u2019t matter what age you are, it\u2019s like, why don\u2019t you just focus on one person and see if that works?\u201d<\/p>\n Read More<\/p>\n Given her struggles with apps, she also tried going to the mixers, but it wasn\u2019t any better.<\/p>\n \u201c[The men] weren\u2019t stepping forward\u2026 Walking in was like the public school first dance, the boys on one side and the girls on the other side,\u201d she said. \u201cThe guys were very shy\u2026 didn\u2019t seem like anyone had any confidence going in\u2026 It just wasn\u2019t mixing.\u201d<\/p>\n Given these frustrations, Beitz says just getting to a first date can feel hard enough.<\/p>\n \u201cI expect the guy to pay. I have my own song, and I\u2019m like, don\u2019t make the girl pay\u2026 Chivalry is missing, romance is missing, just saying you look pretty. That\u2019s what\u2019s missing,\u201d she said. \u201cThey don\u2019t know how to talk; they want to hang out.\u201d<\/p>\n Can communication help you meet a romantic partner?<\/p>\n With age, Beitz says she\u2019s learned to take people at face value and focus on those whose intentions align with her own.\u00a0<\/p>\n While she believes many people genuinely want a relationship, she no longer tries to change the minds of those who say they\u2019re only looking for something casual. Instead, she makes her intentions clear on her dating profile, dates one person at a time and moves on if the connection isn\u2019t right. That approach may be paying off \u2014 she\u2019s currently preparing for a second date with someone she describes as equally intentional.<\/p>\n \u200bWhat red flags should you look out for at any age?<\/p>\n Beitz gave a list of red flags to watch out for.<\/p>\n \u2018I just got out of a relationship, but I\u2019m ready.\u2019<\/p>\n Talking about sex in the first conversation.<\/p>\n Not willing to video chat (safety risk because the other person might be a catfish.)<\/p>\n Only following women, \u201cit\u2019s like porn,\u201d she joked.<\/p>\n Is there still hope to find \u201cthe one\u201d?<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m still single because I just haven\u2019t found the other me,\u201d she said. \u201cIf I\u2019m here on Tinder and I\u2019m doing all this stuff, there\u2019s got to be that guy out there\u2026 I believe that someone for me is out there.\u201d<\/p>\n A Toronto dating expert weighs in<\/p>\n Toronto Dating Hub<\/a> Founder and Dating Coach Andrea Lo organizes many mixers to help Torontonians find love. As someone working in the industry, she has received a lot of interest from people over 45 in mixers (and is still accepting responses to her form<\/a>).<\/p>\n So, why is it still so hard to find a partner? Lo explained that there\u2019s a shortage of men at these events, while women are more \u201ceager to find love.\u201d<\/p>\n But with age comes \u201cbaggage,\u201d making it harder to find a match.<\/p>\n \u201cPeople in that age group, I\u2019d say a lot of them are either widowed, divorced, separated people with kids, so they\u2019re on their like second or maybe even third time finding like a long-term relationship\u2026 they\u2019re gonna find it a lot tougher, but they\u2019re put in the same pool as everyone else, to other people, they\u2019re like, they\u2019re the ones with baggage,\u201d she told Now Toronto.<\/p>\n Modern dating also seems to have a hard time catching up with some older individuals, making it harder to understand dating rules.<\/p>\n \u201cThey come from a culture where you gotta be more formal about things, and that\u2019s like, so lost nowadays, right?\u201d she said. \u201cI think it\u2019s caused people to be like I don\u2019t want to be the odd one to do those things, but I think hopefully, like people are still like holding the doors out, paying for things, but it\u2019s just slowly starting to be like a lost, almost like an art form that very traditional people are doing.\u201d<\/p>\n That leads women to feel they\u2019re missing the romanticism and pursuit from men. But there are also older individuals who lose themselves with age<\/p>\n So, to find someone, Lo recommends still using dating apps, attending events, and choosing the areas you frequent wisely. If you\u2019re looking for someone older, go to Yorkville versus someone younger in King West.<\/p>\n But her biggest advice: attend events that align with your hobbies or passions.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s say you\u2019re into, like, for museums and art, so maybe look for an event at the AGO in what you really like, but find those activities, because there are a lot of events that you know,\u201d Lo said.<\/p>\n