“She’s moving where!?” my younger sister and I gasped when we first found out that our older sister officially decided to pack her bags and move from Frederick, Maryland, to Hannover, Germany.
Tatyannah King
Sure, the three of us weren’t living in the same city at that point either, but people always referred to us as “The King sisters” because we did everything together, so the thought of one of us living an entire ocean away didn’t feel right.Our oldest sister is De’Anna, but everyone calls her “Candy,” a nickname she earned as a kid after emptying the church candy jar one too many times. I’m the middle sister, and Zahria is the youngest. There’s a 10-13-year age gap between Candy and the two of us, so growing up, she wasn’t just our sister. She was our built-in babysitter, mentor, and role model. Zahria and I even followed in her footsteps and went to the same college she attended.
Tatyannah King
We always trusted Candy’s judgment on major life decisions. Even though we had mixed emotions about her move from the United States to Germany, the more she told us about her reasons for moving, the more we knew she was making the right choice for her and her family.The main reason for her move is that she got a job as a mechanical engineer for one of the world’s leading automotive supplier companies. However, politics played a big role in her final decision too. Many of us vividly remember as if it were yesterday how high tensions were among Americans in 2020 (and the few years following its aftermath).The World Health Organization (WHO) had declared COVID-19 a pandemic. Candy explained to us that, as a Scientist, it disappointed her how irresponsibly our own government was regarding its citizens. Then, only a little more than two months after that, the murder of George Floyd sparked a months-long wave of nationwide protests against police brutality and related injustices against Black Americans.The final straw for Candy happened when her husband was stopped and questioned by a police officer for walking into a bank while wearing a mask. Everyone else in the bank was masked, including the offer himself. But suddenly, my brother-in-law’s presence needed explaining, despite mask mandates being standard at the time.
Tatyannah King
“We finally decided we needed to move on as the home we loved no longer felt like home and was no longer safe,” she said. “We do not thrive by living in bubbles. Our children deserve a life in a world that protects them. They deserve to thrive and flourish.” And indeed they did. On average, I’ve visited them two or three times a year since they moved, and I’m in awe at how much happier they seem and, quite frankly, a little envious of the quality of life that they live now.
For starters, my oldest niece was able to attend University with her tuition paid in full. With affordable education, my sister and her husband could cover the costs and not pass the burden onto their child. In the United States, education is notoriously expensive, with average total costs for a 4-year institution around $38,270 per year, including tuition, fees, and room/board, whereas in Germany, as an undergraduate, public universities are way more affordable, only charging semester fees that cost between €100 to €400 per semester. Though, it varies by university.And don’t even get me started on the quality of food. My sister and her family’s health improved drastically because of it. They also discovered that some things they were allergic to back home are things that didn’t negatively affect them in Germany. Apparently, the EU operates on what they call a “better safe than sorry” approach. If there’s real doubt about whether something is harmful, they just don’t allow it. That means thousands of additives and dyes that are still legal in the U.S. (including things like titanium dioxide) are banned there. Growth hormones are illegal, and GMOs have to be clearly labeled. Not only is that good news, and sorry to be TMI, but every time I visit my sister in Germany, I actually poop every day. Clearly, the more balanced your diet is, the more regular your bowel movements become.Also, the time we spend as a family feels more meaningful and intentional. When I visit my sister, we cook together. When I bond with my nieces and nephews, we don’t run out of activities to do outside of the house because there are more “third spaces” in public that are suited for all age ranges. They even make more time for vacations as a family of seven. “We vacationed in 14 countries in the first 3 years. Imagine what Americans would do with six weeks of vacation a year that didn’t include sick leave,” Candy says.
Tatyannah King
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The more I visit my sister, the more her and her family’s quality of life stands out to me, especially during my most recent time traveling to Europe, which was a few months ago for my 30th birthday. Of course, I got more of the invasive “When are you going to have kids?” question from other family members and some friends. I usually laughed and said, “Slow down. I want to get married first!” Sometimes I told people that I’m not even thinking about having kids anytime soon.But, I remember flying back to the U.S. after my time abroad and carrying this uncomfortable realization with me… the realization that my hesitation to even start thinking about having kids had less to do with me not wanting them anytime soon and more to do with me not wanting to have/raise them in the U.S.
Tatyannah King
Between my frustration with politicians who are deliberately keeping housing prices high and uneasiness due to political unrest and safety concerns, raising a family in this country feels increasingly out of reach. When I consider those factors, plus the inaccessibility of healthcare and childcare, my hesitation about having kids feels both personal and political.Does this mean that I hate living in the United States? No. No matter how far away I move from this country, there’s a part of me that will always consider it home.But living in this country is starting to feel like a relationship that’s run its course. It feels like the kind of breakup where you’re appreciative of the relationship, but you realize you’ve outgrown it. It feels like the moment you notice that you and your partner don’t align anymore, and instead of dragging it out until resentment replaces the good memories, you choose to leave while you can still appreciate what it was.
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Therefore, I’m making plans to move internationally (most likely Germany, but I’ll keep my options open, just in case another country, like Spain, is calling my name). I don’t necessarily believe that Germany (or any country in the world) is a perfect utopia, so I’ll manage my expectations realistically. After all, I’m a firm believer that the grass isn’t automatically greener on the other side, but it certainly grows differently depending on the soil. And after tending to my roots in America, I’m ready to plant myself somewhere that feels more aligned with the kind of life and future family I want to cultivate.When I told my sister how serious I was about leaving, she didn’t hesitate. She said, “Life is short. Everyone deserves a peaceful life, so go where you can find it.”So I am.
Tatyannah King is a New York-based clinical sexologist and writer covering anything related to ***, dating, and relationships. She is also a *** educator for the Center for Positive Sexuality. She has spoken on panels both in the United States and internationally, helping both singles and couples throughout the world navigate issues surrounding relationship satisfaction and ****** dysfunction. Her insights as a *** and relationship expert have been featured in various print and digital publications, including Forbes, Cosmopolitan, VICE, HuffPost, and more.
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