Are you in a relationship in which your partner is using money as a weapon for control? Do you have to ask for money for basic necessities, yet you contribute financially?
Has your partner lied about debt and their assets? If so, you are being financially abused.
Momentum Financial Planning adviser Ralene Grobler says this form of “unseen abuse often serves as the groundwork for deeper control”.
Watch out for a partner who discourages you from talking to friends, family or professional advisers about your finances.
— Ralene Grobler, financial adviser
As SA marks 16 Days of Activism for No Violence Against Women and Children, Grobler says: “Our focus tends to be on the physical and emotional scars of abuse”, but “financial control and infidelity are devious and underhand tools used to strip an individual of their independence, dignity, and ability to leave a harmful situation”.
“Recognising the signs of financial abuse is the first step to empowering yourself to escape this trap. It’s important to distinguish between normal disagreements about budgeting and deliberate, manipulative secrecy or control.
“Financial abuse, which can start with financial infidelity (when one partner in a relationship hides or lies about money, assets, or debts), aims to create dependency and powerlessness.”
Grobler says there are a number of signs that show when financial secrecy has turned into abuse.
“These include the information lockdown [which] includes instances where your partner refuses to share account passwords, PINs, basic income information or locks away financial documents.
“The impact of this is that the other partner has no visibility into the couple’s overall financial health, creating vulnerability. Another sign of financial abuse is where one partner dictates how every cent earned is spent or requires you to ask for funds for basic necessities, even if you contribute financially. This removes your personal agency and sees you being treated as a dependent, not an equal.
“Hidden debt occurs when you discover that significant, unauthorised debt, such as loans, credit cards or mortgages, has been taken out in your name or the partnership’s name without your knowledge. The problem with this is that you can be legally liable for this debt, which can destroy your credit score and future security.”
Grobler says career sabotage —when your partner tells you to stop working and stay at home — is a major red flag.
You may know someone who was denied an opportunity to work, and this led to a lack of their own money, leading to reliance on their partner.
“A partner who actively discourages you from working, forces you to resign from your job or makes it impossible for you to obtain further education [is a red flag]. This ensures you don’t have an independent income, trapping you financially,” Grobler warns.
“Watch out for a partner who forbids you from having a separate, personal bank account or drains any savings account you manage to establish. The effect of this is that it removes your safety net, preventing you from accessing funds in an emergency. Documents that are signed in your name without your consent — or that you are forced to co-sign under duress — are also signs of financial abuse.
“Not only is this illegal, but it binds you to financial obligations that you did not agree to. Watch out for a partner who discourages you from talking to friends, family or professional advisers about your finances. This prevents you from getting the advice, perspective, and support needed to recognise and escape the abuse.”
Grobler says if you recognise these patterns, “know that you are not alone, and this behaviour is never your fault”.
“The silver lining is that there is a way to escape this form of abuse.”
Sowetan