Should you give your teenager alcohol at Christmas?

Should you give your 15- or 16-year-old an alcoholic drink with their Christmas dinner? After all, many parents do.

“There’s quite a high level of parental alcohol supply in Ireland,” says Emmet Major, co-ordinator with the Planet Youth Project (planetyouth.ie), which every two years surveys approximately 5,000 15- to 16-year-olds in the Galway, Mayo, and Roscommon region. In November 2024, the survey found that 31% reported being drunk in the previous month.

“And 25% of all students said they regularly got alcohol from a parent, while 27% regularly drink at a friend’s house,” she says.

Major says parents give alcohol because they believe they can somehow make their child a more responsible drinker. 

“They think it provides an opportunity to talk about the risks and dangers of alcohol — that’s the rationale. And that if you give them a glass of beer at Christmas when they’re 15 or 17, it’s just the one time.

“Parents say, ‘Don’t they do it in France, and they don’t have the same problems with abusing alcohol as we do — maybe that’s the way to go’.”

However, the “follow what the French do” stance does not hold up, says Paula Leonard, CEO of Alcohol Forum Ireland, who says it’s a “persistent” myth. “Yet France has a very high rate of alcoholic liver disease, and the government there is working very hard to reduce alcohol consumption and harm.”

In fact, says Leonard, France ranks higher than Ireland in terms of total alcohol consumed per person per year. Alcohol kills 134 French people every day, and one in four deaths among young men (15-34) in France is due to alcohol.

As well as wanting to teach their children about sensible alcohol use, psychologist, neuroscientist and author Dr Sabina Brennan says parents give the Christmas drink at home to avoid alcohol becoming a tempting “forbidden fruit”, and they also feel they’re being inclusive. “They don’t want their teenager to be left out of adult celebrations.”

Brennan warns, however, that the parental aim of giving alcohol to teach responsible drinking does not line up with what we know from neuroscience or from population-level data. “Giving alcohol at home doesn’t teach moderation — it teaches familiarity.”

The Planet Youth survey bears this out. “That data tells us that teens who get alcohol from their parents are getting drunk at two and a half times the rate of those whose parents don’t give alcohol,” says Major.

We need societal change

The idea that “they’re better off and safer drinking in front of me than out with friends and in the community” does not stand up, says Leonard. “Where they’ve been given a drink at home, the research tells us these teenagers will drink in higher volumes when they’re outside of home.”

Brennan says the big data picture is very consistent: The earlier you start, the higher your risk of later problems.

“Large studies have shown people who start drinking before 15 are around four to five times more likely to develop alcohol dependence or abuse compared with those who wait until their 20s,” she says. 

“And more recent work shows that starting before 15 is also linked to an earlier onset of hazardous drinking patterns in later adolescence and young adulthood.”

Why does Irish society tolerate giving an addictive, psychoactive substance — “neurotoxic to the developing teenage brain” — to our teens? asks Leonard. “We need a mature, informed, national conversation about it that empowers and informs parents about the impact of alcohol on a teen’s developing brain.”

Brennan explains that the teenage brain is still under construction, and will be right through to the mid-20s — and alcohol interferes with the very systems teens need for judgement, learning, and self-control.

The reward system — the part of the brain that says ‘that feels good, do it again’ — is highly active. And the prefrontal cortex — the area that helps with judgement and self-control — is still maturing. Alcohol plugs straight into that reward circuitry.”

She points to brain imaging studies showing alcohol use in adolescence is associated with faster loss of grey matter in the frontal lobes (involved in planning, impulse control and decision-making), as well as changes in the hippocampus (memory) and white-matter connections the brain uses to learn efficiently. 

“Put simply: starting earlier doesn’t teach moderation — it increases the odds of heavier drinking and of alcohol becoming a long-term problem.”

Dr Sabina Brennan: ‘Starting to drink before the age of 15 is also linked to earlier onset of hazardous drinking problems in later adolescence and young adulthood.’ Picture: Lorraine Teevan

Not only that, but adolescent drinking is associated with higher rates of anxiety, depression, risky sexual behaviour, accidents and injuries, points out Brennan. “Alcohol lowers inhibitions in a brain that already leans towards risk. Alcohol also disrupts sleep architecture, and poor sleep affects mood, school performance, and emotional regulation.”

Another issue is that teenagers tend not to get the same early warning signs that they’ve had enough, as adults too — an adult stands up, the room spins, they feel a bit shaky, they think “I’ve had enough”. The teen brain doesn’t get this message, says Brennan. 

“That’s why so many teens end up with alcohol poisoning. And teens will compete with each other — ‘I can drink more than you’ — not realising their brain isn’t going to say ‘you’ve had enough’.”

Brennan calls it “a risky combination” — teens feeling the rewards of alcohol more strongly and the warning signs less.

While your teen may be at a developmental stage where it seems all they want to do is push you away, Leonard says it is important for parents to understand they are a powerful positive influence on their child, even at the teen stage. 

“And what we’re doing by giving our teen their first alcoholic drink at the table is actually giving them permission to drink, saying we approve of them drinking alcohol. There’s a psychological and unspoken approval.”

Brennan agrees that offering our teens alcohol teaches three powerful messages — whether we mean to or not:

• “Alcohol is how grown-ups celebrate”: “Linking alcohol to Christmas and special occasions tells the brain that drink is part of joy and connection.”
• “This is your ticket into adulthood”: “A first drink is often framed as a rite of passage — ‘you’re old enough now’ – so alcohol becomes tied to status and identity.”
• “We expect you to drink”: “Even if you say ‘only with us’, many teens will hear this as a green light.

Frame it differently

So how do you handle it when your 16-year-old is telling you her friend will be having a small glass of wine with Christmas dinner this year, so why can’t she? Brennan advises:

• Be clear and calm about your rule: “We love celebrating with you, but because your brain and body are still developing, we’re keeping Christmas alcohol-free for you. That’s our job — to protect your health now so you have more choices later.”
• Offer something special instead: A favourite mocktail, fancy glassware, or a “grown- up” non-alcoholic drink can help them feel included without sending the message that alcohol is essential to celebration.
• Name the peer pressure: “I know some of your friends may be allowed to drink. Different families have different rules. We’re basing ours on what we know about the teenage brain and long-term health.”
• Model your own relationship with alcohol: If adults are drinking heavily at the table while telling teens “not for you”, the message won’t land. Showing that you can celebrate without overdoing it — or better still, without alcohol at all — is incredibly powerful.

And, says Brennan, “if feeling wobbly about saying no, it may help to remember that every year you delay your child’s drinking, you’re nudging the odds in favour of better brain health, better mental health, and a lower risk of addiction in adulthood. Imagine giving a 14-year-old a cigar after Christmas dinner or a cigarette.”

In many ways, it comes down to biology, says Brennan. “Teen brains aren’t built for alcohol. Saying no to alcohol at Christmas isn’t being strict — it’s being protective of a vulnerable, developing brain.

“And you can say no with warmth: ‘Your brain is still growing — my job is to protect it’.”

*To support parents in delaying teenage drinking:

 exa.mn/alcohol-developing-brain