Former Xpose star Michelle Doherty has revealed she has ‘quietly split’ from her husband, Mark.
Michelle and Mark, who both still live in Australia and who got together when they were both living in London, quietly separated two years ago, having been a couple for 12 years.
In an interview with the Sunday Independent, Michelle said: ‘Better for the child to grow up in two happy homes than one unhappy home.
‘It’s an amicable split. The toll of years of trying to conceive was “a battering”.
‘Our backstory, the miscarriages, the IVF, the egg donor transfers… our relationship didn’t have a hope in hell to try and withstand that,’ she said.
Over the years after Max was born, Michelle and Mark experienced four miscarriages and three unsuccessful IVF cycles. An egg donor attempt also failed.
‘You know, it became an unhappy home for Max. And someone said to me, I think it’s better for the child to grow up in two happy homes than one unhappy home. That line will stay with me forever.
VIP Style Awards 2014 at The Marker Hotel, Dublin, Ireland – 25.04.14. Pictures: Cathal Burke / VIPIRELAND.COM *** Michelle Doherty
‘Thankfully there was no infidelity or anything like that. So the respect was still there and we just decided we can’t go on the way we are, so let’s prioritise Max and make sure that he’s a happy child.’
Michelle said they remain great pals after the split.
They decided they would split custody 50-50 – a difficult decision, but she wanted Max to have the kind of ‘special’ relationship she had with her own father.
‘Mark is a really great dad and they have a beautiful relationship. We live five minutes from each other,’ she says of co-parenting. ‘We’re always bumping into each other on the promenade down the beach or… ‘I forgot something…’ ‘Yeah, pop up, you can get it’.’
Every Sunday they do lunch together and Mark was ‘incredibly supportive’ when her father, Sean, passed away.
Michelle Doherty
‘We still have the highest regard for each other, which is lovely. And the most important thing is that Max is happy.’
Michelle admits she would rather ‘be on her own’ than be with the wrong person.
‘I would rather be on my own than be with the wrong person.’
She did weigh up her options about how it was affect their son.
‘Am I going to ruin their life, first of all? It is the most terrifying decision. How am I going to survive? I live so far away from my family. But I just kept thinking, this is not a relationship, this is not how I want my life to be.
‘I would rather be on my own than be with the wrong person. I want to be an example to Max. I don’t want Max to think it’s OK for his mum and dad to speak to each other like that. I don’t want him growing up feeling that – we were never married – this is how parents should behave to each other.
‘And we’ve spoken about that as well since. Like, “Max, it wasn’t OK for me to be talking to your dad like that, or vice versa. You’re not supposed to treat people like that. We want you to know that you are loved so much, that you’re our priority and you will always be number one for us no matter what happens. Me and your dad will always stand by you, and be there for you 100pc.”
‘He’s an only child so he doesn’t have siblings to lean on. So that’s another side of it that you’re like, how could you do this to him?’
But Michelle said she feels like a ‘new person’ and has got her spark back since her split.
‘Oh, I’m like a new person. I’ve got my spark back. I’m not saying that Mark took that from me. It’s more, you know, you sort of… adapt to life with somebody… it doesn’t often feel like that’s being authentic to yourself.
‘And then when you get your life back and you just have to, you think about Max and prioritise yourself, it’s kind of, oh, I forgot that I used to be confident like this, or look at the bright side of life.
‘When you separate from someone, you have to dig deep. You’ve to put the work in, it doesn’t just happen. It’s going to be uncomfortable, but you have to sit with it.’
Being in a relationship that has gone ‘wrong’ is ‘exhausting’ and Michelle describes losing herself in it.
‘You kind of block yourself out. “I don’t even exist. I don’t deserve to be loved here, I’m just going through the motions, and I’m making sure you guys are OK, but I’m not making sure I’m OK.” For a long, long time I put everybody else first,’ she added.