Randy Liu and his girlfriend Elena Demeester. Courtesy Randy Liu/Handout via REUTERS
Randy Liu, 29, tracks all of his spending — from meals out to clothes — in a spreadsheet. When he started dating his girlfriend, 27-year-old Elena Demeester, she asked him to track hers too. Now, three years into their relationship, the San Diego-based couple who live together has found a budgeting system that works for them — one that, unlike many couples, doesn’t involve splitting everything 50/50.
The reason is simple: While both Liu and Demeester earn six-figure salaries, Liu earns somewhat more in private equity than Demeester does in the pharmaceutical industry. How they split expenses mirrors that reality: Demeester says Liu is the more frugal of the pair, while she is the one who spends a bit more in the relationship.
“Maybe the money is (split) 60/40, but I think we still feel like we are contributing to the relationship 50/50,” Demeester says.
Only two payments are split equally: their mortgage ($5,600 per month) and utilities. Everything else, from groceries to subscriptions, is split proportionally. An Excel spreadsheet helps them make monthly adjustments. For example, if they overspend one month, they declare a “supersaver month,” which involves not eating out to get back on track.
Although the couple tracks expenses together, they do not have a joint account, a popular option for unmarried couples. “I don’t think we plan to ever merge accounts,” Demeester says. “It still gives us ownership, at least … of our own money.”
Randy Liu and his girlfriend Elena Demeester. Courtesy Randy Liu/Handout via REUTERS
As their careers change and progress, Liu and Demeester see proportional spending as a long-term financial strategy. “While right now it might be 60/40, I anticipate it’s probably going to be larger in the future,” Demeester says.
THE WIDER TREND While studies in the U.S. and the U.K. show that many young couples continue to split shared bills 50/50, it’s no longer the only model: proportional, income-based splits are widely seen by personal finance experts as a fairer solution, especially when partners are earning different amounts.
Scott Bishop, the managing director and partner of Presidio Wealth Partners in Houston, Texas, says fair doesn’t always mean equal when it comes to finances. “I see couples run into trouble when expenses are split informally — one pays rent; the other covers groceries — because those costs fluctuate and resentment builds quietly,” he tells Reuters. “Over time, one person inevitably feels like they’re carrying more, even if that was never the intent. For many couples, especially early on, a clean structure works best.”
TAKEAWAYS
Fair doesn’t always mean equal. If one partner earns more than the other, it makes sense to divide the bills proportionally. Otherwise, the person earning less will carry a greater financial burden.
Be transparent about spending. “Young couples aren’t trying to be transactional — they’re trying to be fair,” Bishop says. “And the most successful ones are the ones who treat money as a shared system to manage together, not something to quietly compare in the background.” For Demeester and Liu, their Excel spreadsheet provides this transparency.
Revisit your budget regularly. “If it’s too much or too little, you adjust together,” Bishop says. “What matters more than the formula is the conversation behind it. Money exposes values — spender versus saver, security versus flexibility — and those differences don’t disappear just because two people love each other.” Take time to revisit bills and make sure one partner is not carrying a disproportionate share of the financial burden.
Have a money lesson or story to share? Tell us what worked for you — or what didn’t — by emailing hani.richter@tr.com.
Editing by Yasmeen Serhan and Lisa Shumaker
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