Sarah Kiely Lavelle speaks with five Irish brides about the key lessons they learned at their weddings.
There’s a particular kind of pressure reserved only for weddings; it’s your big day, rife with anticipation to make it the most special day of your lives. The mammoth self-imposed task to distil the very essence of your love and relationship into an event that pleases everyone is quite an undertaking, even for the most laser-focused bride.
For some, the idea of a big white wedding is something they have been planning long before they’ve even met their significant other. For others, the idea of such makes them want to elope or run to their nearest registry office.
No matter how you decide to say I do, there is the universal expectation to get hitched without a hitch, which can overwhelm even the most low-key of couples. You may have spent months agonising over guest lists, seating plans and aesthetics, only to realise, somewhere after exchanging vows and having your first sip of champagne at the reception, none of it really matters.
Hindsight is a powerful thing, especially when it comes to wedding planning. It’s often only in retrospect that we see clearly, long after the high of the big day passes. There will always be lessons learned from your special day, and who better to heed wisdom from than brides who have walked the walk down the aisle.
We chat to women who reflect on what they would do differently if they could plan their wedding again.
The bride: Dearbhla, Wicklow
The lesson: People pleasing
‘’Oh, I would in a heartbeat go back and stop explaining myself to people for wanting to have a small wedding. I look back at the version of myself frantically trying to make sure everyone understood our wishes, only to unnecessarily expose myself to comments I could have done without, especially from my in-laws.
“We had an amazing day, and a big wedding was never something either of us wanted. People often get married abroad and expect others to travel and take time off. Therefore, having a small wedding that doesn’t pressure people should be welcomed and respected too.
“So, to anyone planning a small, family-only event, I would say don’t explain yourself to people who don’t want to understand you anyway. Be confident and firm in your vision, and you’ll avoid any negative or backhanded comments about your guest list. Protect your peace’’.
The bride: Ciara, Dublin.
The lesson: Bridesmaids boundaries
‘’I had eight bridesmaids. Eight. I didn’t want eight bridesmaids, but as the last of my group of girlfriends to get married, I felt so pressured to ask those who had asked me in the past. The expense and stress of trying to dress eight very different women, physically and personality-wise, was something that really detracted from my own planning and made me very anxious. I did give them choices, but that almost made it worse, as nobody could agree.
“My husband is from a sporting background, and he had eight groomsmen, so I also got in my head about balancing out the wedding parties for photos and dances, etc.
“In the end, I’m not sure I really made anyone happy, and my hen was a bit tense, which I resented. If I could do it over again, I would have kept it at a maximum of four and saved myself a lot of worry and money.’’
The bride: Rachael, Kildare
The lesson: Hire a planner
‘’My husband and I got married a few years ago abroad, and we naively thought we could save money by doing some of the planning and tablescaping ourselves. While the day itself was so joyful and everyone had a great time, I do regret having spent so many of the days in the run-up completely overwhelmed in arranging the florals and tablescaping elements.
“Our wedding was outdoors, and we could have benefited from having a person outside of just the normal wedding staff at the venue manage the running order tighter to save our guests from sitting in the heat for as long as they did.
“The morning felt a little rushed as I was tending to design aspects of the wedding, not to mention having to gather everything up the next day, as it technically belonged to us, not the venue. We should have delegated over to someone else – it can still be your vision, just executed in more capable hands.
“You really want to soak in the run-up to your wedding, and the morning should be as peaceful and happy as possible. It all worked out, and everyone forgot about almost getting sunstroke (I hope).”
The bride: Orla, Dublin
The lesson: Eat more
‘’I barely tasted the menu we pored over for weeks ahead of our wedding. You’re so busy making the rounds, chatting with all your guests, that your food goes untouched. I was also on such an adrenaline high that I had little to no appetite and ended up getting drunk really quickly, and had to disappear for an hour during the dancing to eat something in our room and pull myself together.
“My advice would be to pace yourself with the champers, and if you have a good maid of honour, ask them ahead of time to remind you to eat throughout the day. I still wish I had enjoyed some of the amazing food we paid a small fortune for.’’
The bride: Denise, Cork.
The lesson: Do a first look
“We cannot recommend doing a first look more. It’s when you and your partner can see each other the morning of your wedding before you walk down the aisle, and meet with your photographer to take the majority of your couple’s photographs that morning.
“It’s such a special and sacred couple of hours you get to steal away just the two of you, and it frees up so much time to actually spend with your guests at the reception.
“I’ve been to so many weddings as part of the bridal party where the couple is shuffled around most of the day and has very little time just to relax and actually soak it all in with their loved ones. I feel like we didn’t miss our wedding day, if that makes sense, and it just made everything feel far more relaxed and happy when we did our photos with family and friends.”