There are 8584 ways that Queen Catherine will make history (first Queen to have thrown a roller disco, nipped into Zara, used the self-checkout, made a Book Week costume) but my new favourite: She will be the first person to have ever sat on a throne AND who owns a chainsaw.
No other Queen (or King) has ever known what it’s like to wear a towering crown and be able to take down a conifer at whim.
It might not be part of the grander master plan but if ever you want greater proof of the “reset” of the monarchy that she and Prince William are quietly masterminding then look no further.
Grriiinng grrrr GRINNNNGG!
This week Kate and William will mark 15 years since they pitched up in front of the Archbishop of Canterbury and pledged their troth while Posh Spice and the Prime Minister looked on. As they get ready to mark the day with a two-for-one mains voucher down the pub, the couple are putting into place all the pieces for a palace shake up.
What followed after that glorious day in 2011 was suitably storybook – marriage, babies, a starter 10-bedroom country house – until 2024 when the story skittered off course with Kate’s cancer diagnosis. (King Charles’ too.) Then came what William has called “brutal” and “the hardest year in my life.”
However today, more than a year after the Princess announced she was in remission, “They’re at the start of a new chapter”, a source close to them told the Telegraph.
And that relates to not just how they will change the monarchy when it’s their turn but their marriage too.
Because whatever happens to Crown Inc for much of the rest of the 21st century will come down to one thing – the Cambrian era bedrock of the Waleses’ union.
“Theirs is the marriage that will, if all goes to plan, reset the monarchy for generations to come”, the Telegraph’s royal editor Hannah Furness noted this week.
“If continuity and stability is what the monarchy is supposed to give you,” a source who knows the couple told the Telegraph, “you only need to look at this marriage. Whatever has happened in his life, in her life, the continuity and stability of their relationship has seen them through it. They are exactly the same as they have always been. They’re unshakeable, the two of them.”
“They’re a true team,” a Palace source toldFurness. “They’re side-by-side.”
And that means literally. Look at photos of William and Kate, everywhere from official events at Westminster Abbey to enchanting primer schoolers and pensioners in bulk in a misty bit of Wales, and they are clearly far more tactile and touchy feely with one another than they were even as newlyweds. Restraint, a certain timbre of nerves and standing three feet apart are out; giggles, belly laughs and wandering, affectionate hands are in.
As Furness noted, “William and Catherine move, unselfconsciously, in step.”
“What you see in public is what you get behind the scenes, with both of them,” a source who has worked with the Waleses told the Telegraph. “They are very informal with each other.”
However, when the Waleses are not on the royal clock they are dead busy – dominating on the padel court, chainsawing in the garden and hitting school parents’ WhatsApp groups.
In 2024 for Christmas, Kate got a chainsaw to use in the garden, such is her passion for getting her hands dirty. (In this she is really stepping it up a serious notch from renowned green thumb King Charles who is himself the first monarch to know the feel of a good pair of secateurs. Henry VII wasn’t out there pruning zinnias before the Battle of Bosworth Fields.)
Meanwhile, William reportedly used to have a regular five-a-side padel game, something he plays “uber competitively” a source told Furness, but has now paused that.
Of an evening Chez Wales, the tele is on: He loves a bit of sport; she’s hooked on MasterChef; they both love hit UK series The Traitors.
Kate, a source told the Telegraph, is “school mum you’d call to scoop your children up when you’re running late”.
William, not to be out-normalled, is “still the guy you’d pick to go for a beer with,” a Palace source has said.
Come the weekend and the prince and princess are busy doing what every other set of parents the world over is – being a “taxi service” for their kids, going between sport, friends and birthday parties.
Both William and Kate are regularly spied by other parents at their children’s school Lambrook on the sidelines, including such instances as William holding Princess Charlotte’s swimming bag and Kate having a post-match cuppa and chatting to other parents. The infernal school WhatsApp groups? They are on there too. (Just imagine if these had existed in Prince Philip’s parenting heyday.)
But here’s the bit for all you diehard romantics (*energetically waves hand). The couple, even after 15 years, three children, three house moves, two schools, a title change, cancer and William deciding he wanted a beard are still pretty goo-goo about one another.
The duo “look more in love than ever”, wrote Furness.
Said a source who has worked with the couple: “They have somehow found a balance of working together and still being in love – that’s impressive.”
“When one of them is finding something hard and is stressed, the other one kicks in. If he’s down, she’s there. If she’s down, he’s there,” a source has said.
However, it’s not quite all sweety hearts and sunshine as they face down the future. The prospect of taking the throne “is causing them intense anxiety” Tina Brown was told in 2024.
The added combination of Megxit and the ever rolling Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor c**pberg “have put William and Catherine under unmanageable pressure.”
Where their “reset” of the monarchy will take things in practical terms remains to be seen. Their coronation could look quite different to Charles’ with William even going so far as reportedly pondering whether he would even wear the Imperial State Crown.
“That ridiculous thing that looks like it’s out of Disney? No” a source who knows the Waleses well has previously told The Times. “Look at the coronations of medieval kings, they were staggeringly simple. Keep things that are pertinent to today, that reflect diversity and get back to the core of it.”
A goner already will be William including the “homage of the people” in which the country is meant to swear allegiance to the new King. “There is no way he will go down that route or anything like it”, a source close to him has told The Times.
“William thinks Charles’ monarchy is pompous and out of touch – too much ermine, too many uniforms. Charles believes his son shirks duty by putting family ahead of the job”, The Royalist’s Tom Sykes has noted.
In the meantime, it’s a superb day for Britain’s domestic chainsaw manufacturers. With the Prince and Princess of Wales set to issue their first royal warrants any hot minute now, look out for HRH’s tapping her favourite brand. Grriiinng grrrr GRINNNNGG!
Daniela Elser is an editor and commentator with more than 15 years’ experience working with a number of Australia’s leading media titles.