WARNING: DISTRESSING CONTENT Rubbie was just 15 when her family forced her to marry a man twice her age in Bangladesh, where the legal age for marriage is 18 with parental consent
Rubie was forced into a marriage by her family at the age of 15(Image: Birmingham Mail)
For many brides, their wedding day is a joyous occasion, but for 15-year-old Rubbie, it was a living nightmare as she was forced to marry a man twice her age.
Raised in Wales, Rubie was taken to Bangladesh by her family who were determined to find her a husband. The country’s law permits under-18s to marry with their father’s consent and Rubie’s dad was keen to see her wed.
Now wedded to a man much older than herself, Rubie endured a horrific existence, suffering daily sexual abuse from her husband and becoming pregnant at just 16. Speaking about her harrowing experiences, she insisted that no girl should endure what she had.
“I spent years of my life desperately trying to numb myself from the pain of my reality,” she told Fabulous. Despite this, Rubie’s life began quite ordinarily, growing up by the seaside with her large family of seven siblings.
Now aged 42, she remembers the moment her life took a drastic turn when she and her sister reached puberty. Her family was deeply religious and she felt they kept her sheltered during her childhood, imposing numerous restrictions – particularly regarding dating, reports the Express.
Both Rubie and her sister were forbidden from speaking to boys or wearing anything their parents deemed “revealing” or “figure hugging”. However, at the ages of 15 and 18 respectively, they both had secret boyfriends.
Her older sister was able to move out when their parents disapproved of her lifestyle choices.
Ruby now lives in Perry Barr, Birmingham (Image: Birmingham Mail)
After her sister’s actions tarnished the family’s ‘honour’, she noticed a change in the men in her family’s demeanour. What she didn’t realise was that they were planning her future for her.
During what was presented as a family holiday to her parents’ homeland, her family schemed to arrange her marriage to a man in his 30s. She said: “My mum beckoned me over and pointed to a strange man. She told me that was the man I was going to marry.
“I just remember the look of pain and sadness on her face. At that moment he looked pretty young. I assumed he was a similar age to me. It wasn’t until I saw our marriage certificate when I turned 16 the following January that I realised he was in his 30s. I was in disbelief and denial – I was just totally numb.”
In the run-up to the wedding, she felt completely “disconnected” from reality, both mentally and physically. This feeling persisted into her forced marriage, where it was expected of her to “give him her body” without consent.
She said: “A couple of days after was when the rape started, and it was just continuous after that.”
Before long, Rubie discovered she was pregnant, and at nine weeks her family made the decision to fly her back home to Wales, leaving her husband behind in India.
Confronted with the harsh reality of her circumstances, Rubie felt utterly powerless and attempted to take her own life through an overdose.
The following day marked her first scan, where she heard her baby’s heartbeat, prompting her to decide to “carry on living for this baby.”
Following the premature birth of her daughter in October, arrangements were made for Rubie’s husband to come to the UK.
She tried to flee with her daughter, but her family managed to locate her and forced her to return home to Wales.
It wasn’t until 2000, when Rubie spotted a school friend walking past the house, that she made a courageous choice – having been absent from school for an extended period without anyone questioning why.
The desperate teenager rushed outside and “begged” her for assistance.
She explained: “I explained what had happened to me, and she took me to her parents’ house, and they helped me contact the police. Because there was so little education on honour-based abuse, they didn’t arrive till the following morning.
“They escorted me to the house, and I left with my daughter and a Tesco bag of clothes and took a train back to the Midlands.”
Despite her hopes for a happy ending, she soon found herself in another abusive relationship, confessing that she was “used to being mistreated”.
In 2002, they had a child together. It wasn’t until five years later that she finally escaped from her abusive relationship, which resulted in her obtaining a restraining order.
Speaking to Fabulous, Rubie said: “I went right back to what the eight-year-old me had wanted to do and achieve before any of this had happened. I had wanted to see the world, and so that’s what I did.”
Now, after enduring years of trauma, she dedicates her time and energy to building a joyful and healthy life for herself and others. Rubie is currently an ambassador for the Sundial Centre, where she works to educate others about forced marriage and honour-based abuse.
She said: “I need other survivors to realise that there is hope and help out there, you just have to reach out for it.”