So \u2013 yeah, no \u2013 the kids are all standing around me in a semi-circle and they\u2019re, like, hanging on my every word. And I\u2019m in my absolute element, of course, going, \u201cToday, I\u2019m going to teach you guys a thing or two about passing this beautiful object,\u201d showing them a rugby ball. \u201cNow, can anyone here name some types of passes that we might use in rugby?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBasic pass,\u201d Leo goes, because he\u2019s had his head filled with this stuff from the day he was born.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cBasic pass \u2013 very good, Leo. Anyone know another one?\u201d<\/p>\n
Brian\u2019s there, \u201cSpin pass,\u201d because \u2013 again \u2013 when most fathers were reading their children bedtime stories, I was reading them extracts from my famous Rugby Tactics Book.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cSpin pass! Excellent, Brian! You certainly know your stuff! Any other kinds of passes?\u201d<\/p>\n
Quick as a flash, Johnny\u2019s like, \u201cPop pass,\u201d and I know I\u2019m their father and everything, but I honestly couldn\u2019t be prouder.<\/p>\n
Some random kid then goes, \u201cI said pop pass first!\u201d and even though he did say it first, he didn\u2019t say it loudly or with any great conviction. And while I\u2019m not one to play favourites, I think he\u2019s learned a lesson in asserting himself that will stand to him in the long run.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, Leo,\u201d I go, \u201cstand over there, will you? I\u2019m going to demonstrate the basic pass. Okay, there are a few rules that it\u2019s important to keep in mind. With practice, those rules should become second nature\u2013\u201d<\/p>\n
A voice goes, \u201cWe know all of this. We learned this when we were, like, five.\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s the kid who pulled me up on the pop pass thing. See what I mean? He\u2019s found his voice already.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cWhen you were five?\u201d<\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cYeah, playing mini rugby in Wanderers.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cAnd did you actually win anything playing mini rugby in Wanderers?\u201d<\/p>\n
He\u2019s like, \u201cA medal for taking port in a blitz.\u201d<\/p>\n
I go, \u201cOh, did you actually win the blitz?\u201d already knowing the answer.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s there, \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cSo, what, you were beaten in the final, were you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d he goes, unable to even look at me, \u201ceveryone got a medal for taking port.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cWhat\u2019s your name, kid?\u201d<\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cIfan. With an f.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d I go, \u201cIfan with an f, you are no longer operating in an everyone-gets-a-medal world. You\u2019re on the Leinster Schools Senior Cup track. This is big boy stuff. So if you want to be port of this journey, I want you to unlearn everything you think you know about rugby and this time learn it from someone who\u2019s actually achieved something in the game.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nHis opening line is hilarious. He\u2019s like, \u201cDid you park in my parking space?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
He nods. He\u2019s got the message \u2013 loud and clear.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to show you what a basic pass should look like,\u201d and I nod at Leo to tell him to get into position. \u201cYou run straight, hold the ball with both hands, look at the receiver \u2013 and remember, we\u2019re aiming for a point at chest-height just in front of the receiver \u2013 and then you complete the pass, like so, and follow through by pointing your hands at\u2013\u201d<\/p>\n
I stop because I suddenly spot some randomer \u2013 from the way he\u2019s dressed, I\u2019m guessing he\u2019s a teacher \u2013 standing on the side-line, gesturing for me to come over to him. <\/p>\n
\u201cMr McCrory is calling you,\u201d Ifan goes.<\/p>\n
Now, to take orders from a member of the school staff would undermine me in the eyes of my players, so I end up just ghosting the dude and eventually he has to make his way over to me?<\/p>\n
His opening line is hilarious. He\u2019s like, \u201cDid you park in my parking space?\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cExcuse me?\u201d<\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cI think I enunciated clearly enough for you to hear me,\u201d which is a typical teacher thing to say.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cYour porking space? Which one is yours?\u201d<\/p>\n
He\u2019s there, \u201cThe one with the words Deputy Principal painted in letters large enough to see from 1,000ft in the air.\u201d<\/p>\n
And I laugh then because I suddenly recognise him.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cIs that you, Slippers? It is you! Slippers McCrory \u2013 how the fock are you?\u201d<\/p>\n
He was actually in my year back in the day. Now, it seems he\u2019s some kind of teacher. And to think, everyone predicted great things for him.<\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cI\u2019ll thank you to call me Mr McCrory while we are on school premises.\u201d<\/p>\n
Yeah, no, he had, like, an ingrown toenail when we were in first year and he had to wear his slippers to school for two weeks. Of course, the nickname stuck, as they tend to do?<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cI\u2019m not going to call you Mister anything,\u201d and the boys all stort sniggering. It\u2019s good for them to see me not take shit from a teacher because it\u2019s something they\u2019re going to have to learn themselves. \u201cDoes the toe still bother you or did the operation sort it for good?\u201d<\/p>\n
\nThey\u2019re not here to play rugby. They\u2019re here to learn<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
He doesn\u2019t even answer me. <\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cWhy aren\u2019t these boys in class?\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cBecause they\u2019re on the rugby team.\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s amazing how some of the things you learn at school never leave you.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, they\u2019re not here to play rugby,\u201d he goes. \u201cThey\u2019re here to learn.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cThey are learning. I\u2019m showing them the different types of pass that they\u2019re going to have to master.\u201d<\/p>\n
This cuts little or no ice with him.<\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cThey\u2019re not going to pass their exams playing silly games.\u201d<\/p>\n
Silly games? I end up seeing red.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cDude, I remember you in school. You had zero interest in rugby. You didn\u2019t even come to watch the S play. I seem to remember giving you a wedgy for that and hanging your jocks from the statue of St Claude of Bethany in the library.\u201d<\/p>\n
All of the kids laugh. And he ends up being furious, of course.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s there, \u201cBoys, return to class now!\u201d<\/p>\n
And I realise that this is the first major test of my authority.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cStay where you are, boys.\u201d<\/p>\n
He raises his voice then. He\u2019s like. \u201cGo to your classes \u2013 this instant!\u201d<\/p>\n
Except none of them even moves a muscle.<\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cIf you do not return to class, you will be suspended.\u201d<\/p>\n
Again, no one stirs.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cI think you\u2019ve just got your answer, Slippers.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looks me in the eye and goes, \u201cThere will be consequences for this.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then he turns around and stomps off in the direction of the principal\u2019s office.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"So \u2013 yeah, no \u2013 the kids are all standing around me in a semi-circle and they\u2019re, like,…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":114870,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[74],"tags":[18,19,17,361,64928,82],"class_list":{"0":"post-114869","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-technology","8":"tag-eire","9":"tag-ie","10":"tag-ireland","11":"tag-magazine","12":"tag-ross-o-carroll-kelly","13":"tag-technology"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/114869","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=114869"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/114869\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/114870"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=114869"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=114869"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=114869"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}