\u201cHere, Rosser,\u201d Ronan goes, pouring me a lorge glass of red, \u201cget yisser laughing gear around that.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
Word for word, he goes, \u201cIt\u2019s only one of the greatest Lafites ever made.\u201d<\/p>\n
Yeah, no, this is my son now \u2013 north Dublin\u2019s leading wine snob.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m about to knock it back when he goes, \u201cYou have to smeddle it foorst, Rosser.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cI have to what?\u201d<\/p>\n
He\u2019s there, \u201cSmeddle it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh,\u201d I go, \u201csmell it.\u201d<\/p>\n
So I stick my nose in the glass and have a good sniff. <\/p>\n
He\u2019s like, \u201cWell?\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cEr, can I drink it now?\u201d<\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cTell me what you smeddle foorst. Liquorice \u2013 am I right? And blackbeddies?\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cYeah, no, whatever you say, Dude.\u201d<\/p>\n
We\u2019re in the old man\u2019s restaurant, Fionnuala\u2019s on the Green, which is quiet, even for a Tuesday night. There\u2019s only the old man and Hennessy, huddled in one corner, plotting God knows what, then Ronan\u2019s old crew \u2013 we\u2019re talking Nudger, Git Cunningham, Buckets of Blood, Stacks of Money and Larry the Lifer \u2013 who\u2019ve turned the place into, like, their Bada Bing? <\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cCan I drink it now?\u201d<\/p>\n
And Ro goes, \u201cFire ahead, Rosser.\u201d<\/p>\n
So I knock back a mouthful.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cIt\u2019s nice.\u201d<\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cNice? You could say that, Rosser, or you could say it\u2019s surprisingly eloquent, with an aftertaste that\u2019s tight but at the same time exuberant and complex.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cI honestly don\u2019t know how you get all of that from a mouthful of wine.\u201d<\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cIt\u2019s this course that your aul fedda is arthur sending me on.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cRight, that must be it so.\u201d<\/p>\n
He\u2019s like, \u201cThere\u2019s no need to look so down, Rosser.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLookit,\u201d he goes, \u201cI know you wanted me to be a hotshot lawyer in New York. It didn\u2019t woork out. But me grandda and Heddessy are arthur gibbon me a huge opportunity here.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat, a wine waiter in a restaurant?\u201d<\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cA sommelier, Rosser. They\u2019re sending me to Paddis in the New Year.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cAre you saying Paris? Oh, well, I suppose it could be worse. I always feared you\u2019d be sucked into a life of crime.\u201d<\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cExcuse me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\nBuckets of Blood notices me for the first time. From the table, he goes, \u2018What about this lad, Rosser?\u2019 and he nods in Ronan\u2019s general postcode. \u2018You must be proud, wha?\u2019<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cRo, the first time I ever met you, you were trying to sand off your fingerprints.\u201d<\/p>\n
He has \u2013 yeah, no \u2013 a good chuckle at that.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s like, \u201cJaysus, I was a dreamer, wadn\u2019t I, Rosser? The only way to do it, of course , is using chemicals.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cWell, at least this is a step up from that. Although I honestly can\u2019t see this place lasting for long. Empty again tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, it\u2019ll pick up!\u201d the old man goes, tipping over to us after catching the orse-end of the conversation. \u201cYou\u2019ll see if it doesn\u2019t!\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cNot with Honor working as your Maitre D, it won\u2019t. I don\u2019t want to tell tales out of school here, but I heard her tell two callers that you were booked out tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n
The old man is, like, amused by this?<\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cOh, yes, she\u2019s absolutely convinced that in order to create a buzz about the place, we have to give off the impression that it\u2019s difficult \u2013 nigh on impossible, in fact \u2013 to get a reservation.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cAnd she\u2019s doing that by telling people, \u2018We\u2019re full \u2013 are you focking deaf?\u2019 on the phone? Again, not telling tales out of school.\u201d<\/p>\n
He\u2019s there, \u201cWell, she\u2019s persuaded Hennessy and I that exclusivity should be our U, full-point, S, full-point, P, full-point.\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s at that exact moment that Honor walks in and goes, \u201cChorles, can I go home now?\u201d<\/p>\n