{"id":145895,"date":"2025-10-26T08:18:16","date_gmt":"2025-10-26T08:18:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/145895\/"},"modified":"2025-10-26T08:18:16","modified_gmt":"2025-10-26T08:18:16","slug":"one-mums-journey-and-a-book-to-help-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/145895\/","title":{"rendered":"one mum’s journey, and a book to help kids"},"content":{"rendered":"

After the shock of her\u00a0husband\u2019s death by suicide, Trudy Meehan\u2019s biggest concern was how she would support their two-year-old daughter, Meara.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s obviously grief and shock and \u2014 with death through suicide \u2014 the stigma that\u2019s still around, the guilt,\u201d Meehan says. \u201cAnd ours wasn\u2019t the usual story: Our relationship had broken up, and he died after that. A relationship break-up is a big trigger for suicide,\u201d says Wexford-based Meehan, who sees a lot of talk about suicide prevention, but not much about the people left behind.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe need to have more public [conversations] about the impact on family,\u201d she says, pointing to a survey of people bereaved by suicide in Ireland<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cIt shows people never stop asking \u2018why?\u2019, and that we need resources in the community to help people talk about bereavement by suicide.\u201d<\/p>\n

Meehan knew on that devastating day in 2017 that she had to \u201ckeep standing, keep responding, do all the right things\u201d. She will be forever grateful to the emergency services.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe ambulance man came in just as I was feeling like I\u2019m going to fall apart. A hero in uniform with an emergency backpack: He moved me out of the way, took all the responsibility from me. It saved me when I was just about to collapse from fear and overwhelm. It was pivotal in helping me keep it together.\u201d<\/p>\n

In telling Meara about her dad, Meehan was conscious that two things had to be said: Your dad died; And he chose to die. As a clinical psychologist, she knew she needed to tell it truthfully, but in an age-appropriate way.<\/p>\n

But after attempts to revive her husband had been tried and failed, Meehan felt angry.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cAs a psychologist, I know all the negative effects of suicide, and that a predictor for completing suicide is knowing someone who has committed suicide. I was angry at the legacy that had been left for Meara, not just the loss of a parent, but the stigma and that she has now been put at risk for her own future mental health. And her dad was a psychologist, too, so he knew this information. And I wanted to do all the right things for Meara, to help her process.\u201d<\/p>\n

Meehan told her daughter the evening her dad died. \u201cShe\u2019d have picked up the tension and sadness in people. I didn\u2019t want her to hear it [elsewhere].<\/p>\n

\u201cI said, \u2018Your dad has died, his heart stopped working. That means his body stopped working and he can\u2019t ever come back to life\u2019. I said, \u2018Like taking a battery out of a toy, the toy stops working. The heart stops working, and you can\u2019t replace that\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s brutal. And all the research says not to say, \u2018He has gone to sleep\u2019 \u2014 if very young, they\u2019ll think he\u2019s going to wake up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Telling Meara her dad had died by suicide took longer. \u201cThe guidance is to tell it straightaway, but I didn\u2019t know what to say: It seemed too big. It was six months before I explained the concept that a person can choose to stop their heart. I did it in stages.\u201d<\/p>\n

Meehan describes first telling Meara about \u201ca disease called depression that mixes up your thoughts, like a disease of the brain\u201d. She told her that her dad\u2019s heart stopped, but his brain was involved, too.<\/p>\n

\u201cI said, \u2018When depression is in your brain, it mixes up your thinking and your feeling. You get so confused, it puts you in a lot of pain, and sometimes the pain\u2019s so big people choose to make their heart stop\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u201cMeara took it very matter-of-factly. Children live in the moment \u2014 they tend to take information at face value, so there\u2019s not always a big reaction.\u201d<\/p>\n

Meehan also explained that when people stop their heart, it\u2019s called suicide. \u201cInquest results are published online. I was very conscious that as soon as she could read, she\u2019d Google her dad\u2019s name and read the details.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"TrudyTrudy Meehan pictured in Red Books, Wexford town. Pic: Jim Campbell<\/p>\n

Hard questions<\/p>\n

Meara is 10 and doing great, but does feel different from other children. Meehan, in working as a psychologist with the HSE, had heard teens bereaved by parental suicide ask: \u2018If they loved me so much, why did they leave?\u2019 Meara will eventually ask this.<\/p>\n

\u201cI knew this was coming down the line. I tortured myself: How do I answer it,\u201d says Meehan. <\/p>\n

From her work and from research, she knew that meaning is important in processing grief<\/a>. The process of finding an answer to the dreaded question led to Meehan\u2019s just-published The Way Home: An Illustrated Storybook for Children Navigating Traumatic Loss.\n <\/p>\n

\u201cI was walking on the beach one day and, strangely, the idea of soldiers being tortured came to mind,\u201d Meehan said.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019ve been trained to be loyal to their country, but they still give away secrets under torture. It became obvious then that pain is stronger than love and loyalty, though in all our movies love conquers all. I had an answer, but the answer itself was quite miserable.\u201d<\/p>\n

Meehan needed a story to portray this idea. \u201cFrom I don\u2019t know where came this idea of an astronaut stuck out in space, his oxygen running down, the physical pain of the low oxygen, the sense of disconnection from home, of darkness all around.<\/p>\n

\u201cI felt relieved I had something concrete and relatable that wasn\u2019t terrifying. Even more relieved when I thought that from the astronaut\u2019s perspective, he was completely alone, radio broken, no way to communicate, but the home base is sending messages, a rescue ship\u2019s on the way.<\/p>\n

\u201cTowards the end of the story, he decides to cut his safety cord, and he\u2019s floating off into space. Then, we see a rescue ship shining a light on him, he\u2019s no longer alone, and they\u2019re saying, \u2018Let\u2019s go, it\u2019s time to go home\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

Meehan wanted to give young bereaved readers a sense of control and agency, because those are absent with sudden bereavement, so her book allows the child to decide their own ending. \u201cThey might say, \u2018Too late, he didn\u2019t come home\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u201cMeara said, \u2018They picked him up, they had pizza and apple juice, and they laughed all the way home\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe child knows what happened. I didn\u2019t need to say, \u2018They didn\u2019t get him\u2019. The value of art and creativity is it gives them an escape from the horror and the death.\u201d<\/p>\n

Power of story<\/p>\n

Meehan says the book creates a safe space where children can see their experiences represented and feel less stigmatised, as well as open conversations with the adults who support them.<\/p>\n

\u201cChildren need stories where they can see themselves, where their sadness is acknowledged, and they are reminded they\u2019re not alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Has her book given her confidence in answering that difficult \u2018why?\u2019 question? \u201cYes: I\u2019ve put a scaffold in place, so when the question comes, I\u2019ll be able to say, \u2018Your dad was feeling a bit like that astronaut\u2019. So it\u2019s not a completely new concept; something of the story\u2019s foundation is already there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"TheThe Way Home, by Trudy Meehan<\/p>\n

To help children cope with complicated bereavement, Meehan recommends:<\/p>\n