Dear Eric: <\/b>My 37-year-old daughter, along with her 10-year-old son, live with my wife and me. My daughter shares custody with my grandson\u2019s father.<\/p>\n
My daughter is two years sober, which is great. She works most days in an outdoor profession but has many days off due to weather.<\/p>\n
When she\u2019s not working, she\u2019s sitting in her room on her phone and\/or watching TV. She does not help my wife and me with any of the normal household chores. She always leaves a mess.<\/p>\n
She\u2019s supposed to be paying rent each week but rarely does. If it wasn\u2019t for my grandson, we\u2019d probably evict her.<\/p>\n
We drive four and a half hours sometimes to drop her son off with his dad. She\u2019s either working or says she gets too stressed out seeing her ex to want to do it.<\/p>\n
She let her car insurance, registration and inspection lapse over a year ago and on most days, she uses my vehicle for work or errands. We love our grandson and help him and her as much as we can but we\u2019re at a loss as to what to do next.<\/p>\n
What do we do to make our home life better?<\/p>\n
\u2013 Put-Upon Parents<\/p>\n
Dear Parents:<\/b> Consequences. There are simply too many \u201cI can\u2019ts\u201d or \u201cI wonts\u201d here. It\u2019s important to decide what the consequences are for your daughter and then enforce them. If she doesn\u2019t pay rent, what happens? Decide with your wife and then hold yourselves and your daughter to it.<\/p>\n
In other areas, the state government certainly would. If she\u2019s caught driving without a registration or insurance, there are legal consequences. So, don\u2019t give her an out by allowing her to use your car. She must figure it out. Similarly, it\u2019s not your responsibility to take your grandson to his father\u2019s. But presumably the custody agreement requires that he get there. So, your daughter needs to figure it out or face the consequences.<\/p>\n
If your daughter is not willing or able to fully participate in raising her son, you as grandparents have rights. They vary by state, so you\u2019ll want to consult with a family attorney about what the laws are where you live. But I\u2019d encourage you to take this step, even if you don\u2019t take further action.<\/p>\n
This is a time for some hard conversations. An environment in which your daughter is checked out and you overcompensate is also unhealthy for your grandson. So have the talks you need to have. If she\u2019s in a sobriety program, this is also something she can work on with her sponsor or sobriety coach.<\/p>\n
This Asking Eric column originally ran October 21, 2025<\/a>. We\u2019re re-sharing this column because it most resonated with Asking Eric readers on cleveland.com.<\/p>\n (Send questions to R. Eric Thomas<\/b> at eric@askingeric.com<\/a> or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram<\/a> and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com<\/a>.)<\/p>\n \u00a92025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC<\/b><\/p>\n If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement<\/a> and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and\/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.<\/a><\/p>\n