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Dr. Suzanne Salamon remembers Ellen as a \u201ctiny, shriveled-up little lady\u201d who, nearing 90, could barely hear anymore. She didn\u2019t have major health problems, but the nuisances and niggling issues of aging were inexorably adding up. And Ellen lived alone, with no family even to check on her.<\/p>\n
The latter fact worried Dr. Salamon most. She found herself occasionally fretting about Ellen and her well-being, so she called a local senior center to help the woman periodically. \u201cThey were wonderful and took her where she needed to go, which gave me peace of mind,\u201d recalls Dr. Salamon, clinical chief of gerontology at Harvard-affiliated Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center.<\/p>\n
Ellen is a prime example of a phenomenon called solo aging. Defined by AARP as people 50 and older who aren\u2019t married, don\u2019t have living children, and live alone, solo-agers account for steadily growing numbers of older adults in the United States, especially women.<\/p>\n
But many of these folks have no idea who will care for them if they become unable to care for themselves. \u201cIt\u2019s a concern, because some people are living by themselves without any attachment to the world,\u201d Dr. Salamon says. \u201cThey can get lost if they don\u2019t have anybody.\u201d<\/p>\n
Provocative proportions<\/p>\n
The statistics surrounding solo aging are illuminating. About 8% of adults 55 and older have no biological children and no spouse or partner, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Women living alone make up the largest proportion \u2014 16% \u2014 of non-family households.<\/p>\n
A few factors are fueling this trend, including longer life spans \u2014 especially among women. \u201cPeople also aren\u2019t getting married as often as they used to,\u201d Dr. Salamon says.<\/p>\n
Beyond that, millions more older Americans who live alone don\u2019t reside anywhere near adult children or other family members such as siblings \u2014 or they have strained relationships that stop them from seeking support. About 11% of solo-agers have at least one living child but are estranged from them, according to a 2023 AARP survey of nearly 1,100 solo-agers.<\/p>\n
The poll revealed that only a quarter have someone they can count on to help them clean, cook, grocery shop, or handle other household tasks if needed. Fewer than two in five said they knew someone who would help manage their ongoing care. And some just let the void persist: four in five haven\u2019t planned for ongoing living assistance, and only 41% have a living will or advance treatment directive. \u201cThey decide not to think about it,\u201d Dr. Salamon says.<\/p>\n
Pros and cons<\/p>\n
But there can be perks to growing older in your own company. According to the AARP survey, the top three descriptions solo-agers provided of living alone were all positive: 55% said they felt independent, 41% were satisfied, and 30% were happy. The best thing about living alone is the freedom, respondents said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t think solo-agers would necessarily say it\u2019s a negative thing,\u201d Dr. Salamon says. \u201cMost are not necessarily unhappy with the way they live.\u201d<\/p>\n
The cons, however, form a longer list. Without others bolstering their independence, many solo-agers can be vulnerable to deteriorating physical and mental health, Dr. Salamon says.<\/p>\n
The AARP survey highlighted what solo-agers worry about: 78% are concerned about losing their independence; 60% about not being able to stay in their current home; 51% about being moved somewhere against their will; and 50% about needing help with daily activities.<\/p>\n
Unmonitored, older adults often uphold habits and living patterns that can chip away at their strength, such as eating scant or unbalanced meals or being extremely sedentary. Issues such as high blood pressure \u2014 and even ministrokes \u2014 may pass unnoticed. And those who develop cognitive impairments can become a danger to themselves and others.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey may leave the stove on while cooking. They may break a bone and no one knows,\u201d Dr. Salamon says. \u201cMaybe they notice they don\u2019t walk as well as they used to, so they\u2019re afraid to go out. There are lots of health implications.\u201d<\/p>\n
Solo-agers who want to successfully remain independent often build themselves \u201ca little just-in-case community,\u201d says Dr. Suzanne Salamon, clinical chief of gerontology at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center.<\/p>\n
But it takes time, intention, and effort to assemble a group of people who are willing to jump in and help. She suggests these strategies:<\/p>\n
Set up a buddy system.<\/strong> Choose a neighbor or friend and agree to call each other once a day.<\/p>\n Stay in regular touch with loved ones.<\/strong> Ask friends or extended family members to check in with you on a set schedule, \u201ceven for a minute,\u201d Dr. Salamon says. Or if it\u2019s routine for them to hear from you, they\u2019ll notice sooner if you don\u2019t touch base.<\/p>\n Combat isolation.<\/strong> Join a community group or take a class to build your social network. Even chatting with the mail carrier, lawn care contractors, or maintenance people can create a web of people who are invested in your well-being and may notice if something is amiss.<\/p>\n Tap senior programs.<\/strong> Many communities offer a Council on Aging or senior center staffed by social workers and others whose mission, at least in part, is to take care of older adults living by themselves. \u201cThey may go once a month to check on them or call them to make sure they\u2019re okay,\u201d Dr. Salamon says. Some offer help with shopping or errands.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n Filling the gap<\/p>\n In the absence of a partner or children, who can solo-agers turn to if illness or infirmity strikes? Many count on a patchwork that includes siblings, neighbors, friends, grown nieces or nephews, church or synagogue members, community groups, and paid help, according to a study published March 1, 2023, in the Journal of Applied Gerontology.<\/p>\n Siblings may be the best resource since they\u2019re family and may feel a tug of love and responsibility. \u201cOften a sibling will take over for someone who can no longer take care of themselves,\u201d Dr. Salamon says. \u201cIt can become the responsibility or the burden, however they choose to look at it.\u201d<\/p>\n Non-family members can also fill the gap, but may not be as emotionally invested in your welfare as a relative, she points out. Relying on neighbors can work well as long as they regularly look out for you.<\/p>\n \u201cI tell people who have older neighbors to be on the lookout \u2014 not to assume that people who are aging are just as vibrant as they were. We\u2019re periodically called by a friend who\u2019s noticed something or a neighbor who\u2019s seen the mail piling up or other little signs that things are amiss,\u201d she says. If you don\u2019t see the lights on, or if you see no activity around the house, knock on the door. If you don\u2019t get an answer, call the police.\u201d<\/p>\n Hiring someone to help you \u2014 either an aide or a geriatric care manager \u2014 is the optimal choice if you can afford it, Dr. Salamon says. \u201cThey take people to doctor\u2019s visits, go shopping for them, and touch base regularly with them,\u201d she says. \u201cThey basically manage their lives. Sometimes they\u2019re expensive, but if you can afford it, they provide a lot of relief.\u201d<\/p>\n This article is brought to you by\u00a0HarvardHealthOnline+<\/a><\/strong>,\u00a0the trusted subscription service from Harvard Medical School. Subscribers enjoy unlimited access to our entire website, including exclusive content, tools, and features available only to members. If you’re already a subscriber, you can\u00a0access your library here.<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n \n
\n Image: \u00a9 Hinterhaus Productions\/Getty Images
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