website<\/a>, opening up about the emotional toll of the holidays amid Bruce\u2019s dementia diagnosis.<\/p>\n“For me, the holidays carry memories of Bruce being at the center of it all,” the 47-year-old wrote.<\/p>\n
The essay continued, “He loved this time of year \u2014 the energy, the family time, the traditions. He was the pancake maker, the get-out-in-the-snow-with-the-kids guy, the steady presence moving through the house as the day unfolded. There was comfort in the routine of knowing exactly how the day would go, especially since I\u2019m a creature of habit.”<\/p>\n
“Dementia doesn\u2019t erase those memories,” the mother of two shared. “But it does create space between then and now. And that space can ache.”<\/p>\n
“Grief during the holidays can show up in unexpected ways,” Emma wrote. “It can arrive while pulling decorations out of storage, wrapping gifts or hearing a familiar song. It can catch you off guard in the middle of a room full of people, or in the quiet moment when everyone else has gone to bed.”<\/p>\n
“I find myself, harmlessly, cursing Bruce\u2019s name while wrestling with the holiday lights or taking on tasks that used to be his,” she wrote. “Not because I\u2019m mad at him \u2014 never that \u2014 but because I miss the way he once led the holiday charge. Yes, he taught me well, but I\u2019m still allowed to feel annoyed that this is one more reminder of how things have changed.”<\/p>\n
Harding admits that the hardest part of the holidays being a caregiver is that there\u2019s an expectation to make everything feel \u201cnormal,\u201d even if she\u2019s quietly mourning the life she once shared with the \u201cDie Hard\u201d actor.<\/p>\n
“We\u2019re surrounded by images of what the holidays are supposed to look like \u2014 perfectly decorated homes, lighthearted gatherings, smiling faces captured in matching pajamas,” she reflected. “Even when we know these images are curated, they can still create a sense of failure and extra loss when our reality doesn\u2019t match. When dementia is part of your family, \u2018normal\u2019 becomes a moving target.”<\/p>\n
“For a long time, I wanted the holidays to remain exactly as they were, as if this might protect us from what was happening,” Emma wrote. “But I\u2019m learning that flexibility isn\u2019t giving up. It\u2019s adapting. It\u2019s choosing compassion and reality over perfection. It\u2019s understanding that meaning doesn\u2019t live in the size of the gathering or the polish of the day. It lives in presence.”<\/p>\n
Harding stresses that “Grief is not a sign of ingratitude. It\u2019s a sign of love.\u201d<\/p>\n
“There\u2019s no denying that the holidays are different now. But different doesn\u2019t mean empty. It doesn\u2019t mean broken. It doesn\u2019t mean devoid of meaning. There is still connection. There is still love. There is still joy to be had. And if this season feels heavy for you, please know that you\u2019re not alone. You\u2019re not doing it wrong. And there is no single \u2018right\u2019 way to move through this time of year when dementia is part of your life. There is only your way. And that is enough.”<\/p>\n
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