I liked the idea of\u200b \u201cmental load\u201d when I first heard it but I\u2019ve had enough of it now. \u200b When, this week, I read the news that it was the subject of a study published in the journal Socius:\u200b Sociological Research for a\u200b Dynamic World,\u200b I\u2019m afraid I simply sighed.<\/p>\n
According to this new research, by academics at Bath University, even as women\u2019s earnings\u200b increase the \u200bbulk of home\u200b-related \u201clife admin\u201d remains their responsibility.\u200b On average mothers have 67\u200b per cent more tasks on their to-do list \u2014 13.72 \u200ba\u200bs opposed to 8.2 among fathers.\u200b<\/p>\n
The phrase was coined in 2017 by a French comic artist and \u2014 twist! \u2014 computer science engineer who goes by the name of Emma. She drew excellent and relevant simple comics that illustrated, literally, the silent and unseen cognitive extra domestic work done mainly by women. Those mental lists seem to run on for ever and are filled with tasks so completely random \u2014 book GP appointment, dinner tonight, Sam new cricket boots, Kitty D of E award form \u2014 that none of them actually get done.<\/p>\n
The other phrase floating around at the time was \u201cemotional labour\u201d, which means meeting the \u201cemotional\u201d requirements of a job (looking interested, being cheerful, biting one\u2019s tongue when insulted) when you don\u2019t feel like it. I liked that one too. It perfectly described the requirements of parenting. So not just emotional labour but unpaid emotional labour! To the barricades!<\/p>\n
\u2022 Tired but wired, I have \u2018functional freeze\u2019. I\u2019m blaming Christmas<\/b><\/a><\/p>\n But, like I said, I\u2019m over all of this: 2026 will be the year I ban self-pity. Because, with two small children, work and housework to do, I did spend a long time feeling sorry for myself. It was all this mental load I was carrying and all this emotional labour I was having to do. I looked at my husband, as I was being encouraged to by internet memes, cartoons and long, angry personal essays, and saw an idle bastard, with no mental load, doing no emotional labour.<\/p>\n And it wasn\u2019t just me fuming about this. The twin ideas in society of mental load and emotional labour have ramped up a sense of injustice and a common understanding that men are The Worst because, well, it did resonate. Mental load and emotional labour aren\u2019t just things that happen in life that now have a name, these are things being done to women, mostly by men. Men are not sharing the mental load or doing the emotional labour. So now, not only are they not putting their own shoes away or the lavatory seat down, they are also absent from this other domestic work. This is just more for women to do.<\/p>\n It\u2019s absolutely true that the ideas of mental load and emotional labour have been useful to women who need commonly understood phrases to articulate what\u2019s wrong with their marriage. To enable them to explain to themselves and to the world that they are bound to child-men who refuse to shoulder a good portion of domestic responsibilities (decide among yourselves what that means).<\/p>\n