Starting as I mean to go on in 2026, I\u2019ve devised a set of cultural new year\u2019s resolutions \u2013 not for me but for the live-entertainment industry, of which I have been crowned queen. <\/p>\n
My ascent to this throne is good news for my previously underwhelming CV, but it\u2019s great news for anyone who has ever languished in a state of baffled frustration, making a wild stab at known unknowns as they try to guess the shape of their night. I speak, of course, of the most enduring mystery of the universe since the dawn of existence: stage times.<\/p>\n
Under my progressive reign, it will soon become law for all artists, promoters and venues \u2013 all of them \u2013 to advertise stage times for gigs 48 hours in advance. Only performers traumatised by ferry crossings<\/a> will be permitted to deviate from them.<\/p>\n I once read an interview with someone richer than me who believed that if you\u2019ve never missed a flight you\u2019re spending too long in airports. A version of that rule should apply to gig venues: if you\u2019ve never legged it in the door while an artist is halfway through their first song, you\u2019re spending too long staring at roadies in the dark.<\/p>\n Yes, the support act will be forever grateful for your apparent abundance of time. Yes, the band will appreciate your rash decision to shell out for a branded tote bag while everyone waited for the guitarist to locate his shoes. But we don\u2019t have to live like this. We deserve to know.<\/p>\n In March 2025 I bought a ticket for Tragedy Plus Time, Ed Byrne<\/a>\u2019s profoundly funny stand-up show about the death of his younger brother, Paul, from liver failure and Covid complications. The only information I could glean in advance from the recesses of the internet was an early-seeming \u201cdoors open\u201d time. The numbers who wandered in shamefaced, mid-tragedy, suggested I wasn\u2019t alone in my confusion.<\/p>\n They weren\u2019t so much late as they were \u201clate\u201d, as Byrne acknowledged, telling them not to worry \u2013 they weren\u2019t interrupting a sensitive story or anything. \u201cWho knows when this show really starts? NOT TICKETMASTER.\u201d<\/p>\n I\u2019ve got other resolutions, but that\u2019s the main one. Fix it and I\u2019ll even let Ticketmaster<\/a> carry on sending its \u201chow did we do?\u201d emails the morning after. So needy. So cute. Hey, Ticketmaster, your QR code was the best QR code I\u2019ve ever had. No, I\u2019m okay for earplugs.<\/p>\n What I would like, however, is a more enlightened approach to intervals. Specifically, I would like more theatre producers to question the orthodoxy of having them.<\/p>\n Lately there\u2019s been a delightful trend in London to stage productions so concise that they don\u2019t require an interval. Six<\/a>, the breezy musical in which the wives of Henry VIII are reinvented as pop princesses, is one such joy. It\u2019s over before you can say \u201cAnne of Cleves is hilarious\u201d, and it doesn\u2019t suffer for it.<\/p>\n [\u00a0\u2018The Tudor von Trapps, the Royalling Stones\u2019: How Six, the smash hit musical about Henry VIII\u2019s wives, was bornOpens in new window<\/a>\u00a0]<\/p>\n The intense one-person play Prima Facie, which Jodie Comer<\/a> comes to the Gaiety in Dublin with later this month, is another example, as is 2025\u2019s compelling Inter Alia, by the same playwright, Suzie Miller. David Ireland\u2019s entertaining The Fifth Step, which ran in the West End last summer, is also in the interval-free club, though when I saw it a technical fault gave us time for both leg-stretching and brief paranoia about whether the play would restart.<\/p>\n This anti-interval movement is a brilliant development for those of us who prefer to talk to friends somewhere other than cramped theatre bars that reek of cough sweets and disappointing wine.<\/p>\n Counterintuitively, it\u2019s also a positive thing for those of us with weak bladders and\/or fears about our weak bladders. I can proudly say I\u2019ve won every colour of medal in the Aisle Seat to Ladies\u2019 Room Interval Sprint. Despite this success, I still have exhausting toilet panic before a play starts, and an interval doesn\u2019t help: it merely prompts an anxiety encore.<\/p>\n There are other trends I\u2019d like to encourage from my perch as monarch. Gigs where artists play the entirety of an album, then maybe throw in some other songs if we\u2019re nice to them, are to be welcomed. Everyone knows where they stand when they commit to going, whether the album is new \u2013 Lily Allen<\/a>, for instance, will perform West End Girl straight through on her upcoming tour \u2013 or the subject of an anniversary revisit.<\/p>\n [\u00a0Lily Allen\u2019s new album is racking up millions of listens and hitting a nerve with women everywhereOpens in new window<\/a>\u00a0]<\/p>\n Speaking of anniversaries, those are also allowed. \u201cIt\u2019s been on the 50th-anniversary tour for the last five years,\u201d Jason Donovan<\/a> joked as he promoted The Rocky Horror Show<\/a> recently on Channel 4. The lesson here is simple: give the people what they want, and don\u2019t stress about the maths.<\/p>\n Stress instead about the penalties for noncompliance with my imminent Stage Times Transparency Act \u2013 because things are about to change around here. Look, there\u2019s the drummer. Elbows down, conversations over. The show has begun.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Starting as I mean to go on in 2026, I\u2019ve devised a set of cultural new year\u2019s resolutions…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":265117,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[75],"tags":[135828,18,117,19,17,135829,36543,4436,85586,92269],"class_list":{"0":"post-265116","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-entertainment","8":"tag-ed-byrne-comedian","9":"tag-eire","10":"tag-entertainment","11":"tag-ie","12":"tag-ireland","13":"tag-jason-donovan","14":"tag-jodie-comer","15":"tag-laura-slattery","16":"tag-lily-allen","17":"tag-ticketmaster"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@ie\/115831159043053091","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/265116","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=265116"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/265116\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/265117"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=265116"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=265116"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=265116"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}