{"id":295882,"date":"2026-01-21T14:09:10","date_gmt":"2026-01-21T14:09:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/295882\/"},"modified":"2026-01-21T14:09:10","modified_gmt":"2026-01-21T14:09:10","slug":"asking-eric-is-this-long-term-childhood-friendship-over-40th-birthday-invite-could-make-it-clear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/295882\/","title":{"rendered":"Asking Eric: Is this long-term childhood friendship over? 40th birthday invite could make it clear"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"N2P4RPDS7NBMPIJP4FXW5ER4DA\">Dear Eric: I became friends with one of my oldest and closest friends when we were 9 years old.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"WIHYAFOP3JHFLOOYXK672CTAHY\">In the last three years, it has been nearly impossible to see her. I routinely sent her text messages and voicemails asking if she wanted to get together. I finally resorted to sending her a message on Facebook.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"M22ANOVGPNAMHNFKZEWX4ADTBE\">I was very surprised with her response that came several days later. She said that I had not responded to a text a few years ago when she asked if we could get dinner and didn\u2019t think that I valued her friendship, and therefore she wasn\u2019t going to put energy into it, because it was very painful for her.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"YRXY22BH3NESXCZQCXEFR7FGCM\">I was baffled, sent her screenshots of my text messages asking when we could get together, call logs of unanswered and unreturned phone calls, invitations to events she didn\u2019t respond to, and apologized if she felt that I had not prioritized her as a friend. She never responded.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"P5TB27YU3ZAPDA3UJ57LEYDAZA\">On her 40th birthday, I sent her a brief text message wishing her a joyful year ahead and said that I knew things were uneasy between us and I would really love a chance to sit down together and have a conversation to repair the friendship. She has not responded. Friends are beginning to plan my 40th birthday celebration and I have opted not to include her as a guest, out of respect for her feelings.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"HUVR5CM7YFGEDKBCVV2MWXUMDE\">My husband feels that this is profoundly the wrong thing to do, and that if anything, I should send her the invitation and give her a phone call letting her know that I would really appreciate the chance to get together.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"CYMYT6PLE5FS7PP3P4MGILXBNI\">What is the right thing to do in this situation?<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"TXH76F3S4FDPPLIQ3PGLYPJJMU\">\u2013 Broken Friendship<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"Q4MHUYAK4ZHTJEBU42JJKXUTJI\">Dear Friendship: The safest thing is to invite her to the party. But the safe bet may not be the best bet for you. You\u2019ve reached out multiple times in various forms and also apologized for something that seems more like a narrative she invented.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"JQL5S6IRI5D4RGBYPQ2QZEHHLE\">It\u2019s normal for friendships to experience different seasons, especially as the complications of raising children, work and distance make time scarcer. It seems she\u2019s being awfully ungenerous to you.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"BAP66IJZGBFRZNCCMAUXCPV4EA\">If you invite her to your 40th, you may be setting yourself up for another disappointment. Whereas, if you and your friend are able to reconnect at another time, she can join you at future birthdays, without the tension hanging over everything.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article__paragraph article__paragraph--left\" id=\"5IHP6IFRNBEJZBVX5C7GIO562M\">Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.oregonlive.com\/advice\/2026\/01\/mailto:eric@askingeric.com\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer nofollow\" title=\"https:\/\/www.oregonlive.com\/advice\/2026\/01\/mailto:eric@askingeric.com\" target=\"_blank\">eric@askingeric.com<\/a> or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/oureric\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer nofollow\" title=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/oureric\" target=\"_blank\">Instagram<\/a> and sign up for his weekly newsletter at <a href=\"https:\/\/rericthomas.com\/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer nofollow\" title=\"https:\/\/rericthomas.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">rericthomas.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/www.instagram.com\/embed.js\"><\/script><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Dear Eric: I became friends with one of my oldest and closest friends when we were 9 years&hellip;\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":295883,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[75],"tags":[146899,146900,15427,31575,57906,87060,27125,79633,2595,366,18,117,12123,146901,146902,146903,789,19,146904,146905,17,133256,103296,33768,28404,37336,146906,4084,57273,146907,103800,146908,2683],"class_list":{"0":"post-295882","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-entertainment","8":"tag-1940-1980-retro-styled-imagery","9":"tag-balloon","10":"tag-birthdays","11":"tag-cake","12":"tag-candle","13":"tag-celebration","14":"tag-color-image","15":"tag-computer-graphic","16":"tag-decoration","17":"tag-design","18":"tag-eire","19":"tag-entertainment","20":"tag-event","21":"tag-glowing","22":"tag-gradient","23":"tag-holidays-and-celebrations","24":"tag-horizontal","25":"tag-ie","26":"tag-illustration-and-painting","27":"tag-illustrations-and-vector-art","28":"tag-ireland","29":"tag-new-years","30":"tag-pattern","31":"tag-pink","32":"tag-red","33":"tag-rose","34":"tag-scroll-shape","35":"tag-shape","36":"tag-shiny","37":"tag-sparse","38":"tag-vector","39":"tag-vector-backgrounds","40":"tag-yellow"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"","error":"Validation failed: Text character limit of 500 exceeded"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/295882","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=295882"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/295882\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/295883"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=295882"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=295882"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=295882"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}