DEAR ABBY: Once a month, my wife and I play music trivia with my brother and his wife at our local pub. We invited them, thinking it would be a great way for us to get closer. (I have an older brother we are closer to.) As it turns out, my sister-in-law belittles my brother in front of us if he questions an answer someone might give (which we all do at one point or another). <\/p>\n
\tAt first, we laughed and considered it to be playful banter, but now it has become really uncomfortable. My brother doesn\u2019t say anything back because he doesn\u2019t want to create a scene, so the night always ends on a sour note for me and my wife.<\/p>\n
\tAbby, we\u2019re to the point of telling my brother we no longer want them as partners on our team, but I\u2019m not sure how to go about it. What can we say without creating a major blowup? Help, please. — SOUR NOTE IN MICHIGAN<\/p>\n
\tDEAR SOUR NOTE: Tell your brother and sister-in-law privately, together, that if she has any criticisms to make about your brother, you would prefer that it not be in public or in front of you because it makes you UNCOMFORTABLE. It is the truth. It may cause them to stop playing music trivia with you, which will solve your problem. However, if they show up and she does it again, end your participation, with no additional explanation needed. <\/p>\n
DEAR ABBY: It seems that everywhere I go, people expect tips. Yesterday, I pulled up to the drive-through at a cookie store, and before I paid or was handed my cookies, the clerk asked, \u201cWould you like to leave a tip?\u201d My niece recently told me that after she left a tip at a restaurant, the server followed her outside and asked if she hadn\u2019t been a very good server because the tip was small. I can give you more examples just from my family regarding their experience with tipping. <\/p>\n
\tIn this economy, I don\u2019t feel the 20% rule should apply. For the price of a lunch for two at a sit-down restaurant these days, the tip costs as much as a small entree. When I go through a drive-through, I don\u2019t feel I need to tip because I\u2019m not inside using their facility. But if I don\u2019t, I get a disappointed look from the gal who gets paid to make and hand me my drink. What are your thoughts? — TIPPED OUT IN IDAHO<\/p>\n
\tDEAR TIPPED OUT: The server you mentioned may need tips to survive on her sub-minimum or minimum wage income. However, a tip should never be requested, and for a server to follow your niece out of a restaurant to discuss a small tip is beyond the pale. Although some establishments \u201csuggest\u201d tips that can go as high as 35%, most customers give 15% or 20% of the total bill. <\/p>\n
\tSince you asked for my opinion, here it is: Quit complaining. If you think you received adequate service, leave a tip, and you will be warmly welcomed at whatever eatery you choose to patronize.<\/p>\n