Dear Eric: <\/b>Should I tell a coworker that many of her workmates are criticizing her as selfish and self-centered? She got married a year ago but didn\u2019t go on a honeymoon then because the couple, who are both in their 40s, had just returned from two weeks in Europe.<\/p>\n
Now they\u2019ve decided they want a \u201cdream honeymoon\u201d at a luxury resort. To pay for it they\u2019ve created an account on a crowd-funding honeymoon website and are letting everyone know they\u2019d like it if we\u2019d all chip in. The items she wants include airfare, a rental car, side trips, resort fees and cash starting at $75.<\/p>\n
I gave her a nice wedding gift a year ago, as did many of our coworkers. We\u2019re modestly paid teachers and a trip to South America is well beyond our budgets.<\/p>\n
She\u2019s let it be known that she\u2019s disappointed that we\u2019re \u201cstingy\u201d and thus she\u2019s nowhere near her goal.<\/p>\n
Behind her back, people are criticizing her as being clueless and bad-mannered, both for asking us to pay for her delayed honeymoon and then criticizing us for not being more generous.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t want to say anything to her (or give her money). But I fear that if I don\u2019t tell her no one will, and she\u2019ll have no idea why she\u2019s at risk of losing friends.<\/p>\n
Would it be a kindness to say something? And if so, what should I say? Or should I take the easy route and keep quiet?<\/p>\n
\u2013Fellow Teacher<\/p>\n
Dear Teacher:<\/b> My goodness, was there a sale at the audacity store? I wonder where some people get it. <\/p>\n
It\u2019s perfectly fine to make it easy for people to give gifts and show their love, but it\u2019s inappropriate, and rude, to criticize people for not ponying up the dough, especially when a gift has already been given. Wedding fundraising pages are not invoices that require payment under threat of credit ruination.<\/p>\n
Sheesh.<\/p>\n
While it would be kind to tell her that others are chafing at her request, I can\u2019t help but wonder how useful it would be, considering that neither insight nor common sense were listed on her registry. Instead of taking on the burden of communicating the group\u2019s negative feelings, consider just talking to her about how you\u2019re feeling. If you decide that this is a relationship you want to salvage, tell her that you\u2019re happy for her, but it rubs you the wrong way to be called stingy for not giving her a second gift. As a friend, hopefully she can listen and adjust her attitude.<\/p>\n
This Asking Eric column originally published on Oct. 27, 2025<\/a>. We\u2019re re-sharing this column because it most resonated with Asking Eric readers on cleveland.com.<\/p>\n (Send questions to R. Eric Thomas<\/b> at eric@askingeric.com<\/a> or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram<\/a> and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com<\/a>.)<\/p>\n \u00a92025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC<\/b><\/p>\n