{"id":336944,"date":"2026-02-14T11:07:09","date_gmt":"2026-02-14T11:07:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/336944\/"},"modified":"2026-02-14T11:07:09","modified_gmt":"2026-02-14T11:07:09","slug":"that-evening-my-life-changed-the-rest-is-history-the-irish-times","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/336944\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018That evening, my life changed. The rest is history\u2019 \u2013 The Irish Times"},"content":{"rendered":"

In the second instalment of our two-part series<\/a>, we talk to two more couples who have been together for decades. They share what helped them stay, what they had to let go of, and the advice they\u2019d offer others hoping to go the distance.<\/p>\n

John and Agnes<\/b><\/p>\n

John (76) and Agnes (75) Carberry have been together for 66 years. They met as children at Jordanstown School for the Deaf near Belfast, during the Troubles, when most Catholic and Protestant communities lived firmly apart. Their story is featured in Garry Keane\u2019s beautiful and sensitive new documentary A Quiet Love, which captures the remarkable love stories of three Irish deaf couples.<\/p>\n

Agnes grew up in a Protestant Baptist family with deaf and hard-of hearing siblings. John grew up Catholic on the Falls Road in west Belfast, and lost his hearing at age five after meningitis. His family were advised to send him to the school for the deaf in Cabra, Dublin, where he learned Irish Sign Language. But when he moved back North at 12 and enrolled at Jordanstown, he found himself stranded again. \u201cI realised their method of communication was totally different,\u201d he says. \u201cEverybody in school was using British Sign Language. So I really struggled to follow school.\u201d<\/p>\n

Luckily, the girl he fancied was happy to help. Agnes taught him \u201can awful lot\u201d, he says, \u201cto be able to fit in to school and be able to communicate\u201d.<\/p>\n

Asked what they first noticed about each other, they both laugh, still completely enamoured. \u201cHe was handsome, of course, and he was very cheeky, very witty,\u201d Agnes says. John remembers it more viscerally. \u201cMy first reaction, whenever I saw her, was she was lovable, a really lovable person. It was just like the wind was crashing on me when I saw her. Just lovely.\u201d<\/p>\n

While Belfast was being torn apart by religious division and conflict, at school, labels dissolved. \u201cI never saw somebody and thought \u2018You\u2019re a Catholic\u2019 or \u2018I\u2019ll not talk to you\u2019,\u201d Agnes says. \u201cWe were all the same, regardless of religion.\u201d <\/p>\n

John agrees. \u201cThat was the first time I had ever in my life came across a person from the other side,\u201d he says, admitting he\u2019d grown up with suspicion. \u201cI thought they\u2019re bad, they\u2019re troublemakers.\u201d But Jordanstown changed his view of the world. \u201cWe\u2019re one community, bonded by our deafness,\u201d he says, wishing \u201cthe hearing world could learn a bit from the deaf world, because we\u2019re way ahead\u201d.<\/p>\n

They were sweethearts throughout school, then drifted apart for three years before a chance meeting at the Deaf Club reunited them, and their feelings returned instantly, stronger than ever. \u201cOh my goodness, my eyes popped out,\u201d Agnes exclaims, recalling seeing John again. \u201cHe\u2019d grown into this tall, gorgeous man. He was so handsome. We chatted and chatted and chatted, and that evening, my life changed. From that, the rest is history.\u201d<\/p>\n

[\u00a0Life-long love: \u2018The little things can mean the most – a cup of tea and some peanut M&Ms\u2019Opens in new window<\/a>\u00a0]<\/p>\n

But dating during the Troubles was fraught. John and Agnes lived on opposite sides of the city, and travelling was dangerous. John says, \u201cSome Catholic taxi drivers wouldn\u2019t go into Agnes\u2019s area.\u201d The dangers facing the deaf community were heightened. \u201cIt was terrifying,\u201d Agnes says. \u201cYou\u2019re always looking over your shoulder because you couldn\u2019t hear what was behind you.\u201d <\/p>\n

She remembers working near the Europa Hotel when a bomb went off, not realising until \u201cglass from the window behind me came right through my hair. Suddenly there were police and fire engines, ambulances, soldiers everywhere. It was absolute chaos, I still think about it. It was terrifying, especially as a deaf person, because you\u2019re reliant on people telling you what\u2019s going on.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"JohnJohn and Agnes were childhood sweethearts at a school for deaf children. They feature in a new film called A Quiet Love. Photograph: Molly Keane <\/p>\n

Exhausted by fear and restriction, they moved to London for three years. Even there, Agnes says, \u201cI spent the first few weeks still looking over my shoulder. I was still in a state of high alert, it was hard to settle.\u201d They married quietly, in Agnes\u2019s hometown, but John didn\u2019t tell his parents, fearing they would try to stop the wedding. \u201cI have a little bit of regret that none of my family were there.\u201d<\/p>\n

Everything softened when they returned home with their first daughter. John remembers arriving at his parents\u2019 door with baby Karen and seeing his mother\u2019s face. \u201cShe was just overwhelmed,\u201d he says. Agnes remembers John\u2019s mother embracing her. \u201cI thought she was going to rip my ribs, she held me so tight!\u201d <\/p>\n

Accepted, embraced and celebrated by their families at last, over the decades they built a life: five children, 10 grandchildren, and a home they\u2019ve stayed in for decades. Love, they say, looks different now: quieter, stronger. Now in their 70s, they have more time together. \u201cWe go out, we travel, the more we spend time together, the love gets deeper,\u201d says Agnes.<\/p>\n

Their advice to couples wanting their love to last is simple and hard-earned. \u201cUnderstand each other, be patient with each other, respect each other, ask, communicate,\u201d says Agnes. And for any couple facing challenges, just keep going. As John says, \u201cLove is the answer to everything.\u201d<\/p>\n

A Quiet Love is in cinemas now.<\/p>\n

Zozo and Bobby<\/b>\"ZozoZozo recalls Bobby\u2019s mother calling her directly: ‘Leave my son alone. He\u2019s not your type’. Photograph: Enda O’Dowd <\/p>\n

Bobby (41) and Zozo (40) are effervescent to talk to, laughing through the hard parts, finishing each other\u2019s sentences, generous with praise. Originally from Nigeria, they\u2019ve been together for 20 years and are now married with four children, including an 11-month-old. In the middle of all that noise and busyness, what\u2019s striking is how openly they still adore each other.<\/p>\n

They met through art. Both are multimedia artists, and when a cousin of Bobby\u2019s wanted to collaborate with Zozo, he asked Bobby to come along too. The meeting immediately went off-script. \u201cWe got lost talking with each other,\u201d Bobby says, while his cousin grew annoyed at their instant focus on each other, asking, \u201cWhat is wrong with you?\u201d They swapped numbers, and one Friday night, the connection deepened. \u201cWe spoke on the phone till morning,\u201d Bobby says. \u201cI had work in the morning and was exhausted, but it was worth it.\u201d<\/p>\n

[\u00a0Relationship experts on secrets to long-term loveOpens in new window<\/a>\u00a0]<\/p>\n

From the start, Bobby was sure. He began introducing Zozo as his wife before they were even engaged. Zozo remembers being half-amused, half-mortified, exclaiming \u201cDude, you\u2019re not married to me yet. I have no ring on. Why are you calling me your wife?\u201d His certainty wasn\u2019t swagger though, but devotion.<\/p>\n

That devotion mattered, because their love was immediately under pressure. Zozo is Igbo, from the east of Nigeria; Bobby is Idoma, from north central, and the expectation was clear. \u201cDifferent people don\u2019t marry outside their own in my place,\u201d Zozo says. <\/p>\n

Bobby explains the added weight on him from family and cultural expectations, saying \u201cI\u2019m from a royal family. I\u2019m a prince. In our tradition, they picked the wife for you. My family already had a wife for me, without my consent.\u201d Their relationship wasn\u2019t just about falling in love; it was about rejecting a system where tradition and family control outweighed choice.<\/p>\n

[\u00a0Tell Me About It: My fear of rejection is making a relationship impossibleOpens in new window<\/a>\u00a0]<\/p>\n

Opposition intensified as the relationship became serious. Zozo recalls Bobby\u2019s mother calling her directly: \u201cLeave my son alone. He\u2019s not your type.\u201d There were even attempts to pay her off. Zozo\u2019s response was firm: \u201cNo amount of money is going to be able to buy the love I have for her son.\u201d <\/p>\n

Bobby was equally clear. \u201cHonestly, I didn\u2019t care if they were on board or not,\u201d he says. \u201cI had made up my mind. I knew this was it.\u201d Zozo remembers grounding herself in that certainty, saying \u201cI knew whatever his family was doing didn\u2019t matter, because he was choosing me. And when someone stands by you the way he did, you don\u2019t look back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"ZozoZozo and Bobby’s advice to other couples is simple and unsentimental. ‘Honesty and communication,’ Bobby says. ‘No lies. Lies kill marriages.’ Zozo agrees. Photograph: Enda O’Dowd <\/p>\n

Their wedding period was chaotic. Bobby says his family boycotted the traditional wedding entirely. \u201cNone of them came,\u201d he says, alleging they even \u201csent thugs to come destroy the wedding\u201d. Still, the couple stayed focused. \u201cWe just ignored all the drama,\u201d Bobby says. \u201cWe wanted to get married.\u201d<\/p>\n

The pressure didn\u2019t end there. When their first children born to them were girls, Bobby says hostility flared again. \u201cMy people believe it\u2019s not until the wife has a son that she\u2019s a wife,\u201d he explains. \u201cThe female child is not really valued in our culture.\u201d <\/p>\n

The couple kept moving to gain their peace: firstly in Nigeria, then Dubai, Scotland, and finally Ireland. Starting over has been hard, but the distance from family hostility has brought calm (and to ensure it continues, Bobby and Zozo aren\u2019t sharing their surnames). Zozo speaks warmly of Irish people and support from local community groups like Inchicore For All, saying \u201cDublin have been really nice people. Whenever there\u2019s a need, there\u2019s always someone ready to help.\u201d<\/p>\n

Their marriage is sustained by a shared commitment to optimism. \u201cNegative words [are] not allowed in our house,\u201d Bobby says. \u201cNo matter how bad things get, we always try.\u201d<\/p>\n

Their advice to other couples is simple and unsentimental. \u201cHonesty and communication,\u201d Bobby says. \u201cNo lies. Lies kill marriages.\u201d Zozo agrees, adding, \u201cWe don\u2019t do malice. We don\u2019t let the sun rise with anger.\u201d Bobby adds one final principle: \u201cWherever your partner has a shortcoming, you fill in the gap.\u201d For them, long-term love isn\u2019t the absence of pressure. It\u2019s choosing each other so consistently that the pressure loses its power.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"In the second instalment of our two-part series, we talk to two more couples who have been together…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":336945,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[75],"tags":[18,117,2215,19,17,361,23811,34109],"class_list":{"0":"post-336944","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-entertainment","8":"tag-eire","9":"tag-entertainment","10":"tag-for-you","11":"tag-ie","12":"tag-ireland","13":"tag-magazine","14":"tag-relationship-advice","15":"tag-valentines-day"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@ie\/116068669804905857","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/336944","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=336944"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/336944\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/336945"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=336944"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=336944"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=336944"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}