The <\/b>Independent <\/b>ran an article over the weekend that was so obviously intended to generate clicks from angry Catholics that I was in two minds whether to write about it at all. \u201cLet\u2019s raise a glass to the happy news that Catholic weddings are in decline,\u201d wrote Sarah Breen, which was followed by the usual tired tropes and criticisms that these articles always contain.<\/b><\/p>\n
But there was a line in there that was just too good (that is, too bad) to pass up, offering a window into the modern mind as it did, and along with it an opportunity to discuss why the decline in Catholic marriages is actually a national tragedy.<\/p>\n
Complaining about the \u201cstuffy and impersonal\u201d ceremonies and the \u201cunpredictable and doddery\u201d priests, Mrs Breen added a line about how \u201cit feels very naughty cheering when the bride and groom kiss at the end\u201d.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cA massive statue of a man nailed to a cross wearing a crown of thorns kind of kills the vibe. I have never associated a church with joy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Even the most basic engagement with the faith that so many are so confident in rejecting as so much nonsense would inform you that Christ crucified is understood as the supreme expression of sacrificial love. As he said himself, \u201cGreater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends\u201d.<\/p>\n
Believe it, don\u2019t believe it, but understand that that\u2019s why the cross is held aloft in churches across the country, 2000 years after the fact. It is not the mere display of an implement of Roman torture for the sake of the sadists among us.<\/p>\n
It is also the love to which Christians are called, including in marriage. A common reading at wedding masses (and read at our wedding almost five years ago now, incidentally) is from St Paul\u2019s Letter to the Ephesians, containing the line, \u201cHusbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her\u201d. In Catholic marriage, spouses are called to die to themselves, that they might better serve the other. And indeed, whatever children they might be blessed with.<\/p>\n
That understanding of marriage is, to put it bluntly, a world apart from the modern \u2018vibes-based\u2019 marriage.<\/p>\n
The Catholic understanding of marriage is not, of course, the only understanding of marriage, marriage being a human institution found in various times and places across the world, in a diverse array of countries and cultures. But quite typical to marriage regardless of where it\u2019s found is that it involves at least some degree of compromise and adjustment. That it is not all plain sailing.<\/p>\n
Why wouldn\u2019t that be the case, when two people agree to join their lives together? Some friction is to be expected, you might be inclined to think.<\/p>\n
I can tell you, following conversations with friends and acquaintances who do not think as I do, and even just observing the transformation of our cultural understanding of the institution of marriage, that it is news to a great many people in 2026 that marriage is not all plain sailing.<\/p>\n
Naturally, divorce \u2013 and no-fault divorce in particular \u2013 has had a major role to play in transforming that understanding. No longer a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman, before God, the idea of marriage as a mutually-beneficial arrangement that works as long as it works for both parties has grown legs and strode the country, if not the world.<\/p>\n
Which is where the \u201cvibes\u201d come in. The nature of \u201cvibes\u201d is that they change. Vibes, or feelings as it was put up until five years ago or so, come and go. They are obviously entirely human, and can be good or bad, but what can be said with certainty is that they are an absolute disaster to base a marriage on, precisely for the reason stated above: they change.<\/p>\n
Without discipline, without self-sacrifice, affections grow cold. Infatuation certainly fades. A ten-year old marriage is a very different thing to a 10-day old relationship. But that does not mean that it is any less loving. Quite the opposite: in choosing to love one another, day in, day out, it\u2019s much more representative of that Christian ideal than the effortless early days.<\/p>\n
Which is why the idea that the cross \u201ckills the vibe\u201d is so unintentionally hilarious. The vibes don\u2019t need to be killed \u2013 they\u2019ll die of their own accord. If you want to prolong them, maybe get a little more comfortable with the cross, whether you\u2019re Catholic or not, and welcome it into your marriage.<\/p>\n
Thinking it can be avoided is why the decline in Catholic marriages is ultimately such a disaster. For those who are fooled into thinking so, and for society.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"The Independent ran an article over the weekend that was so obviously intended to generate clicks from angry…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":470556,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[9,10,2512,28463,18,13,14,6,19,17,179599,11,12,15,16,2955,5,7,8],"class_list":{"0":"post-470555","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-headlines","8":"tag-breaking-news","9":"tag-breakingnews","10":"tag-catholic-church","11":"tag-cso","12":"tag-eire","13":"tag-featured-news","14":"tag-featurednews","15":"tag-headlines","16":"tag-ie","17":"tag-ireland","18":"tag-irish-independent","19":"tag-latest-news","20":"tag-latestnews","21":"tag-main-news","22":"tag-mainnews","23":"tag-marriage","24":"tag-news","25":"tag-top-stories","26":"tag-topstories"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@ie\/116525425473319361","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/470555","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=470555"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/470555\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/470556"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=470555"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=470555"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=470555"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}