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While it seemed like the 29-room castle that the women are staying at meant that we\u2019d make it through a cast trip without room drama, I may have spoken too soon. \u201cI feel like you\u2019re looking at me, like, upset. You actually picked your room, but like you\u2019re literally giving that face of, like, you\u2019re pissed,\u201d we see Alicia say at the beginning of this week\u2019s episode. Then the camera jump cuts to reveal that she\u2019s talking to one of her dolls.<\/p>\n
After a brief scene in which Kelsey tries to have a full conversation while brushing her teeth, the women all convene at breakfast, where Alicia is going to town on the yogurt that she says she \u201cdreamt of\u201d the night before. \u201cThis is the best yogurt I ever had in my life, I could actually cry,\u201d she says, making history as the first person to ever say that about yogurt. Meanwhile, Rosie spent the night throwing up, which Ashley didn\u2019t hear because she was more focused on whether or not she was hearing ghosts \u2014 saying that she heard giggling at 3 a.m. If I were a ghost, I too would haunt a Real Housewives cast trip, so I totally believe them. This conversation also leads to a beautiful confessional in which we discover that Alicia is physically unable to say the word \u201cghosts\u201d in the plural, no matter how many times she is reminded that there\u2019s an \u2018S\u2019 at the end.<\/p>\n
When the conversation turns to the spat between Rosie and Kelsey from the night before, something incredible happens. Ashley starts crying (as we know she is wont to do) on Rosie\u2019s behalf. She\u2019s literally like the character in Mean Girls who cries at the assembly even though she \u201cdoesn\u2019t even go here.\u201d It\u2019s so perplexing that Jo-Ellen can\u2019t help but make direct eye contact with the camera, and in that moment, I felt myself bonding with her through the screen over our shared confusion.<\/p>\n
And speaking of bonding with Jo-Ellen, she and Alicia go into town for a little outing where they dig a bit deeper into each of their respective childhood traumas. Having grown up around Jo-Ellen\u2019s family, Alicia was surprised to hear the details of her childhood issues. Sure, she remembered the various instances of Jo-Ellen and her sister disappearing here and there, but it wasn\u2019t something that the community lingered on. As it turns out, those absences were pretty dark. Jo-Ellen\u2019s mother was sending her away to a program primarily for juvenile criminals \u2014 though the only problem her mother had with her was that she \u201chad big boobs and boys liked [her]\u201d. It was only when the state tried to take full custody of her that her mother took her back, which, as you can imagine, has had a lasting impact on her.<\/p>\n
While we don\u2019t go quite as deep on Alicia\u2019s trauma, she does mention that perhaps the reason for her never-ending engagement is that she doesn\u2019t have a father to walk her down the aisle. And now that she and Jo-Ellen each have kids of their own, they especially can\u2019t fathom ever doing to their children what their parents did to them. It\u2019s a beautiful, tearful bonding moment that I\u2019m glad the ghosts weren\u2019t able to interrupt.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, Rulla tries to explain her absence. Apparently, she\u2019s sick, which the always observant Jo-Ellen points out has become a bit of a pattern. But during a scene where Brian delivers her breakfast in bed while she\u2019s in full glam performing illness, Rulla details the symptoms she\u2019s been plagued with.<\/p>\n
Her head was pounding, she couldn\u2019t speak, she couldn\u2019t walk, and she ended up \u201cin the emergency room and had to be taken by rescue.\u201d What is rescue? A special Rhode Island operation that stands by in case Rulla doesn\u2019t want to talk about her husband\u2019s affair? Perhaps. After MRIs and bloodwork, the doctors remained befuddled, apparently speculating that maybe it\u2019s one of those famous viruses that\u2019s impossible to categorize. Maybe it\u2019s called Doesn\u2019t-Want-To-Film-itis?<\/p>\n
Back at the castle, the younger gals and Liz hit the inflatable water slide that\u2019s been set up on the lawn. But when the young butler Boris joins in, taking off his shirt to reveal something worth seeing, Liz vacates. It\u2019s the first time in the series that the age difference between some of the cast is felt. Liz is 56, and says it feels weird being on a slip-and-slide, flirting with a 23-year-old with the other, less-mature women. Normally, significant age gaps among a cast can feel inauthentic for this very reason, but luckily Rhode Island\u2019s ties go deep enough to pull it off.<\/p>\n
Later, when they get on the boat for an afternoon outing, there\u2019s another detractor. Ashley quickly vacates the boat by way of dinghy after getting a call that her son, who\u2019s sick, is being taken to the ER. She cries, yet again, but this time it\u2019s, of course, warranted. But she\u2019s not the only one upset.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you know what I\u2019m really upset about, though?\u201d Alicia asks. \u201cThe crackahs are all the way over there, and everyone knows how much I love them.\u201d Alicia\u2019s deep and true love for \u201ccrackahs\u201d is something I am so deeply obsessed with. Especially because of how organic and real it is. On a more established show, the constant mention might feel like a schtick for the cameras \u2014 like she\u2019s trying to force a catchphrase to happen or snag a brand deal. But since this is a first season, she has no knowledge at this point that the audience has clung onto this and that \u201ccrackahs\u201d has become a thing. She\u2019s doing it just for pure love of the game.<\/p>\n
Somehow the conversation takes a turn, and Kelsey casually mentions in passing that she was under the impression that Jo-Ellen had a threesome with her ex on a boat. \u201cNo, I didn\u2019t. That was on land, not on a boat,\u201d Jo Ellen clarifies via confessional. A legend. We found out that she also apparently dated Kelsey\u2019s ex\u2019s brother as well. As for which was better in bed? Jo-Ellen says to ask Kelsey. What a web we weave.<\/p>\n
The episode concludes with a taste of pure cinema. Standing on the terrace of the castle, lit by gorgeous candlelight, Jo-Ellen grapples with a text she had just received. Remember when Rulla said she welcomed any cold, hard evidence of her husband\u2019s affair? Welp. That\u2019s exactly what Jo-Ellen got her hands on. It took RHONY eight seasons to get a scene like this, but here we are already, and now she and Liz have to figure out how to handle this. First things first, they show the video to the entire group. Is that the smartest move? Probably not. Did it have to be done? Absolutely.<\/p>\n
Rosie gasps so loudly that I\u2019m shocked there\u2019s any oxygen left in the room. The video, which apparently shows Brian and the other woman entangled in an extensive embrace, was taken just two days before the polo match heard round the world. There\u2019s kissing, hugging, ass caressing, and even the famed red interior of Brian\u2019s car. But who will be the one to take this to Rulla? Liz thinks the news will just be old hat if it comes from her; meanwhile, Rulla won\u2019t be receptive to anything coming from Jo-Ellen, so it\u2019s one big game of \u2018Not It\u2019 where all eyes ultimately turn to Alicia.<\/p>\n
I do think that would be the funniest messenger for sure. After all, she got so nervous just asking Liz about her rumored affair that the note she wrote for that game wasn\u2019t even a coherent sentence \u2014 so I can only imagine what it\u2019ll be like watching her try to broach this topic with Rulla over pizza chips. But will Rulla be receptive or just come up with another excuse? The only way to find out is to convince her to film with her cast in the first place.<\/p>\n
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