{"id":489943,"date":"2026-05-18T01:50:10","date_gmt":"2026-05-18T01:50:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/489943\/"},"modified":"2026-05-18T01:50:10","modified_gmt":"2026-05-18T01:50:10","slug":"anne-marie-duff-dementia-my-brother-eddie-and-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/489943\/","title":{"rendered":"Anne-Marie Duff: Dementia, my brother Eddie and me\u00a0"},"content":{"rendered":"

A few minutes into my interview with the actress Anne-Marie Duff she tells me about one of the last moments she spent with her brother in his care home<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d been sitting with him while he was sleeping,\u201d she says. \u201cWhen he woke up I said to him, \u2018Eddie, say everything you want to tell me before you go, pal.\u2019 For half an hour he looked me dead in the eye and just talked \u2014 although, of course, it didn\u2019t make sense. I feel extraordinarily blessed to have had such a profound moment with my sibling. I knew that I was saying goodbye.\u201d<\/p>\n

She takes a long pause and draws breath. As someone known for being fiercely protective over her private life, sitting down with a journalist weeks after her brother\u2019s death, aged 57, from pneumonia brought on by early-onset Alzheimer\u2019s must be \u2014 well, can you imagine? Even more upsettingly, he was taken into hospital on the day of their mother Mary\u2019s funeral last December.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s extraordinary,\u201d she reflects, shaking her head. \u201cYou couldn\u2019t make it up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Duff, 55, is speaking to me at the Alzheimer\u2019s Society offices in central London, because of her frustration at the lack of attention given to Britain\u2019s leading cause of death, for which there is no cure. New research by the charity has exposed a dementia care system that is failing those with the syndrome<\/a>, from early signs going unnoticed to delays in diagnosis and a lack of support. <\/p>\n

Those are all things familiar to Duff, who found fame in the early Noughties in Channel 4\u2019s Shameless (where she met James McAvoy, now her ex-husband, with whom she has a 16-year-old son), has played everyone from Elizabeth I to John Lennon\u2019s mother and won a 2024 Bafta for her role in Sharon Horgan\u2019s Bad Sisters<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\"FiveWith Sarah Greene, Eve Hewson, Sharon Horgan and Eva Birthistle in Bad SistersApple TV+<\/p>\n

Eddie was 40 when he started to behave strangely, suddenly unable to make cups of tea, getting on the wrong bus or stopping halfway through making a sandwich, unsure what to do next.<\/p>\n

\u201cI knew he wasn\u2019t taking drugs. I knew he wasn\u2019t a heavy drinker. But he was becoming terrible with money \u2014 I found out that he had five phone contracts and he wasn\u2019t using a single one,\u201d she says. He lost his job at a polling company, where he managed a department, and couldn\u2019t afford to pay his rent, so Duff found him somewhere to live close to her in Crouch End, north London. \u201cHe started having panic attacks and I was just thinking, \u2018God, he\u2019s making a mess of his life,\u2019\u201d she recalls. \u201cBut at the same time, I had a small child and I had to get on with that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Stress or anxiety seemed the most likely cause \u2014 at no point did dementia cross her mind. And why would it? About a million people in the UK are living with the disease, but only a small proportion are under 65 \u2014 5 per cent when it comes to Alzheimer\u2019s specifically. While no single cause has been identified, it is thought to be down to a combination of lifestyle, environmental and genetic factors.<\/p>\n

\u201cEddie was a man in midlife and really should be starting his next big adventure,\u201d Duff says. Instead she gave the eulogy at his funeral in March, where the room was overflowing with friends and his favourite music played, including the Velvet Underground and Manic Street Preachers.<\/p>\n

Duff describes a happy childhood in the west London suburb of Hayes, in a loving Irish family \u2014 her mother worked in a shoe shop, while her father, Brendan, was a painter-decorator \u2014 in which her nickname was, and still is, Smudge.<\/p>\n

\u201cEddie was a classic older brother in that he found me annoying and I always wanted him to think I was cool,\u201d she says. \u201cHe was very funny \u2014 if we were ever at a big family wedding and things went a bit crazy, he\u2019d be there taking care of me and making me laugh. And his record collection was unbelievable \u2014 I\u2019ve given it to one of my son\u2019s friends who\u2019s in a band.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

Dementia is a cruel condition at any age. Being diagnosed in your forties \u2014 as Eddie was in 2017 \u2014 is almost unimaginable.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d just come off stage at the National Theatre when the GP called and said Eddie had walked in. I think he\u2019d had a panic attack and didn\u2019t know where he was,\u201d Duff recalls. Miraculously, given the years many wait for diagnosis in the UK, the doctor immediately suspected a serious neurological issue.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cThey did a million tests because they thought it might be some new form of dementia, because he was so young,\u201d Duff says. \u201cI remember the moment he got his diagnosis. He was already so far into the illness that he couldn\u2019t compute it. He was saying things like, \u2018Yes, but once this comes to fruition and I\u2019m better.\u2019 And the specialist was trying to say, \u2018I\u2019m very sorry to tell you\u2026\u2019 That\u2019s when I called my mum and dad and said, \u2018You really need to come.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

It was devastating to face but, Duff admits, \u201cI was also relieved in a way, because I had been the person talking him down off standing on a chair going, \u2018I don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me.\u2019 I could lean on something for the first time, because I\u2019d kind of been dealing with it on my own. You go, \u2018Oh, thank God, somebody knows how to handle this, because I haven\u2019t a clue.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Eddie, who was single, moved in with her for a few months before they found him sheltered accommodation in the local area. Duff, with her mother and father, would visit two or three times a week, doing his shopping and eating meals together. \u201cHe was still so joyful and those visits were very good fun,\u201d she recalls. \u201cI think I laughed more with my brother once he got his illness, because we probably spent more time together.\u201d<\/p>\n

Duff describes witnessing a moving act between her father, now 78, and brother while he was in supported housing. \u201cI\u2019d be in the kitchen and turn around and Dad would be giving him a shave. I\u2019d just watch the pair of them, and think to myself, \u2018That\u2019s love right there.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Anne-MarieWith Eddie as childrenPhoto courtesy of Alzheimer\u2019s Society\/Anne-Marie Duff<\/p>\n

The larger problems started when Eddie\u2019s condition began to worsen. Because his accommodation allowed him to come and go, he would wander off and be found by the police in potentially dangerous situations. But while he clearly needed to be moved to a secure dementia-specific home, many won\u2019t take patients under 65.<\/p>\n

Duff is angry at the hours she spent trying to speak to the local council only to be met by generic answerphone messages or insistences that her brother was \u201cfine\u201d \u2014 despite being, by this time, fully incontinent and unable to dress or feed himself. One social worker even referred to him as a \u201cfile\u201d.\u00a0<\/p>\n

It felt, she says, like being gaslit. \u201cI don\u2019t think it\u2019s malevolent, but it\u2019s convenient gaslighting because it is cheaper and easier to place the burden on the family or spouse. I felt like I was going mad a little bit during those months where I couldn\u2019t get hold of anybody. And I was lucky \u2014 I wasn\u2019t living with him full-time. I wasn\u2019t worn out by it.\u201d<\/p>\n

While she doesn\u2019t want to blame social workers \u2014 \u201cI\u2019ve seen with my own eyes the overwhelm they\u2019re dealing with\u201d \u2014 she says the quality of dementia care in the past decade has been \u201clike a mudslide\u201d. She wants to lobby the government not only for more investment but for a forensic investigation into a care system that is constantly trying to judge which fire to put out first, driving away burnt-out staff.\u00a0<\/p>\n

She mentions going to visit a potential home for Eddie in north London where the residents \u201cwere profoundly overmedicated. They were just sitting in a room and the TV wasn\u2019t even on. It was desperately sad and one of the most shocking things I\u2019ve ever seen in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eventually the manager of Eddie\u2019s supported housing helped them to find a place just outside London, which his statutory financial support didn\u2019t come close to covering (the average cost for dementia nursing care homes in the UK is \u00a31,585 a week).<\/p>\n

\u201cI knew that I\u2019d have to contribute a lot of money, and that\u2019s fine because I\u2019m Anne-Marie Duff off the telly. But they didn\u2019t know that. What do people do?\u201d she asks. \u201cLiving with someone who has dementia is exhausting, frightening and can be dangerous for you both. And you\u2019re just left alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

She breaks off to briefly check her phone. Her son, Brendan, named after her dad, is sitting his first GCSE that afternoon and Duff is conscious that he may need reassurance. His uncle\u2019s death hit him hard. \u201cWhen he was about ten we\u2019d go to Eddie\u2019s flat and he found it incredibly sad and would cry a lot,\u201d she says. \u201cHe\u2019s lost the man who used to chase him around the kitchen. I\u2019m sure that if he were here, he\u2019d say that he was just a big teddy bear.\u201d<\/p>\n

She won\u2019t be drawn on whether she has a partner supporting her through the grief of losing her mother and brother within a year (\u201cand I don\u2019t talk about my ex-husband because it would be all about him if I did, that\u2019s the misogynistic world we live in\u201d). But she has the backing of industry friends \u2014 this month Duff completed a 26-mile trek around the capital, raising more than \u00a320,000<\/a> for Alzheimer\u2019s Society, with donations from Horgan, Zo\u00eb Wanamaker, Christopher Eccleston, David Suchet and Claire Foy.<\/p>\n

Her next challenge is returning to work, starring in a new Helen Edmundson play, Some Woman, at the National Theatre this autumn.<\/p>\n

\u201cPraise the f***ing Lord!\u201d she says when I ask about it. \u201cI haven\u2019t been able to work for just over a year because of having to be there for Mum and Eddie.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI knew that I just had to get through GCSEs and then I\u2019m done, universe, taking care of people.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t wait to get back to work. I\u2019ve felt lost without it, it\u2019s like a piece of you that\u2019s missing.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019m left with the impression that Duff has been humbled \u2014 that\u2019s my word \u2014 by her experiences. All the way through our conversation she calls me pal, honey and mate, which doesn\u2019t feel luvvy so much as someone seeking a human connection after a period that, at times, felt sorely lacking in it. Anyone who has been left feeling bruised by the care system or the NHS will relate.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt does feel like you\u2019ve lost your mooring,\u201d she says. \u201cOnly at the weekend Dad and I were saying we miss the drive out to see Eddie. You like to think that anything you survive can help you be a better version of yourself. That\u2019s all you can hope for.\u201d
Join Alzheimer\u2019s Society in demanding that dementia be treated like other major health conditions by visiting alzheimers.org.uk\/campaigns<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"A few minutes into my interview with the actress Anne-Marie Duff she tells me about one of the…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":489944,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[268],"tags":[434,18,117,19,17],"class_list":{"0":"post-489943","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-celebrities","8":"tag-celebrities","9":"tag-eire","10":"tag-entertainment","11":"tag-ie","12":"tag-ireland"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/489943","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=489943"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/489943\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/489944"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=489943"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=489943"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=489943"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}