{"id":581543,"date":"2026-07-12T08:25:14","date_gmt":"2026-07-12T08:25:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/581543\/"},"modified":"2026-07-12T08:25:14","modified_gmt":"2026-07-12T08:25:14","slug":"the-new-gen-z-dating-rules-why-am-i-advertising-myself-for-love-the-irish-times","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/581543\/","title":{"rendered":"The new Gen Z dating rules: \u2018Why am I advertising myself for love?\u2019 \u2013 The Irish Times"},"content":{"rendered":"

Twenty years ago, when I was in my early 20s, I was single, a bit wild and always out and about. My friends and I could, should we so wish, go dancing seven nights a week. We embraced two-for-one drink offers and chatted up strangers. \u201cDating\u201d wasn\u2019t our thing \u2013 and it wouldn\u2019t be until Tinder<\/a> arrived here in 2012 \u2013 so we shifted people on dance floors, in smoking areas or in the queue for a taxi home. We could be kissing a person for weeks before we got their phone number. <\/p>\n

\u201cSo,\u201d asks 24-year-old Carla Jov\u00e9, when I tell her about these mating rituals of old, \u201cat what point do you go, \u2018What are we?\u2019\u201d This dance could continue for months or even a year before a relationship was declared, I say. \u201cWow, that\u2019s scary,\u201d says 23-year-old Amanda Uwase, as if I have just revealed the plot of a sci-fi film.<\/p>\n

Jov\u00e9, Uwase and Se\u00e1n Baker (19) are students of mine at Dublin City University<\/a>, where I lecture in journalism. We\u2019re discussing the dating habits of Gen Z<\/a> adults, the cohort aged 18 to 29 often portrayed in the media as celibate, with research to back it up: one recent survey of 2,000 single adults in the US, conducted by the Kinsey Institute and datingadvice.com, found that almost half of Gen Z adults aged 18-27 had never had sex, compared with just over one in four millennials<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe are in a completely different point [in our lives] than they were in,\u201d Baker says, comparing how his peers date to how his parents met each other. Reliant on social media<\/a> and dating apps to kindle relationships, Gen Z\u2019s love lives are a series of online logistics and mind games. For older generations \u201cthere was no such thing as ghosting\u201d, he says.<\/p>\n

If someone vanished into thin air 20 years ago, it could warrant filing a missing persons report, but ghosting \u2013 the act of appearing in someone\u2019s love life and then disappearing with no explanation \u2013 is part and parcel of modern dating. So is translating the meaning behind all online interactions. \u201cPeople might send out signals to say that they like you by liking a story [on social media],\u201d says Baker, who is single. He specifically references the cruelty of leaving someone \u201con delivered\u201d, which means leaving a read message unacknowledged to demonstrate aloofness. \u201cI know a lot of people who are pretty much just waiting for people to text them back all day,\u201d he says. <\/p>\n

The culture on Snapchat<\/a>, the third most popular app used by Gen Z after YouTube<\/a> and TikTok<\/a>, is to half-open a message so that it doesn\u2019t activate its \u2018delivered\u2019 status for the sender. \u201cToxic is probably the word for it,\u201d says Baker.<\/p>\n

Dating rules<\/b>\"AmandaAmanda Uwase: ‘It\u2019s easy to get a date today, it\u2019s just hard to find the one for you.’ Photograph: Dara Mac D\u00f3naill <\/p>\n

Focused on writing their master\u2019s dissertations this summer, Uwase and Jov\u00e9 have combined experiences of living, working, studying and dating in the UK, France, the Netherlands and Luxembourg. As we chat in an empty lecture room in DCU\u2019s School of Communications, their rapport is that of two savvy podcast hosts solving their generation\u2019s problems.<\/p>\n

First up, Uwase wants to ban all dating rules. \u201cThere is the talking stage, which means you have to text someone for three to four months before actually meeting them,\u201d she begins. \u201cThere\u2019s rules where men have to pay on the first date, or rules where a woman has to act a certain way: don\u2019t text first, leave them on delivered for seven hours …\u201d The list goes on.<\/p>\n

[\u00a0Dating apps struggle with the AI revolution as users lose faithOpens in new window<\/a>\u00a0]<\/p>\n

Jov\u00e9, who is originally from Spain, adds that the self-imposed rules of \u201cself-care\u201d can hinder her generation from meeting new people. \u201cWe\u2019re so focused on keeping our \u2018peace\u2019 that if a night out messes with your routine, then you don\u2019t do it,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Therapy language helps them to avoid potentially tricky situations. Case in point is the red flag theory. \u201cEverything has turned into a red flag. When you\u2019re meeting somebody and they do something that you don\u2019t really like,\u201d Jov\u00e9 snaps her fingers, \u201c\u2018This disturbs my mental peace \u2013 they\u2019re out.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Nightlife and alcohol<\/b>\"SeánSe\u00e1n Baker: ‘I can\u2019t really get past the first or second date.’ Photograph: Dara Mac D\u00f3naill <\/p>\n

Dating platform Match<\/a> says \u201cburnout, emotional gaps, and rising expectations have pushed dating to a breaking point\u201d. Its 2025 survey of 5,000 single people in the US found that 72 per cent of Gen Z singletons don\u2019t want to make the first move. This resonates with Baker. \u201cI\u2019m a very confident person, but when it comes to approaching a girl …\u201d he pulls a face. \u201cPeople say that the worst you can say is no, but I fear rejection.\u201d<\/p>\n

Relationships are a big topic of conversation with his female friends from college, but he\u2019s less candid with his home friends in Coolock. \u201cIf I was to say to my mates, \u2018Nah, I\u2019m not going out, I\u2019m with my girlfriend,\u2019 they\u2019d just be slagging me the whole time,\u201d he says. <\/p>\n

He would like to be in a relationship, but has had little success. \u201cIf I meet a girl, nine times out of 10 nothing really comes of it,\u201d he says. \u201cIt\u2019s a bit like, \u2018What am I doing with myself?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Baker sets the scene of a typical night out, which involves waiting around for signals. \u201cIf I see a girl and they look over to me and they almost give me the look, then I know that it\u2019s okay to go over.\u201d Overall, he feels he doesn\u2019t have issues with meeting girls when he\u2019s out, \u201cbut it\u2019s just like, what\u2019s after that? It\u2019s almost like I can\u2019t keep up. I can\u2019t really get past the first or second date\u201d.<\/p>\n

The anxiety among this generation around pushing things forward with people they fancy could be because grouped teen activities, like going to the disco or the cinema, were stalled for years by Covid as they were coming of age. And now, underage events like teen discos \u2013 a breeding ground for first crushes, kisses, relationships and heartbreaks \u2013 are not as common as they once were.<\/p>\n

[\u00a0Online dating at midlife: \u2018He wanted me to drive from north Dublin to Wicklow for sex at 2am\u2019Opens in new window<\/a>\u00a0]<\/p>\n

Irish nightlife now is a shadow of its former self. Older generations mourn the loss of what we once had, but Gen Z are entering their adult years without knowing how good it could be. From having more than 500 licensed night clubs nationwide in 2000 to just 83 in 2025, their real-life social and flirting opportunities have been decimated.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s not enough room for us to go and meet people,\u201d says Baker. Listing off closed venues in areas like Clontarf and Howth that he never had the chance to visit, he declares, \u201cNightlife in Dublin is just way worse than what it was.\u201d<\/p>\n

While Gen Z drink less than previous generations, they\u2019re not all teetotallers. Consumption of alcohol among 15- to 24-year-olds increased from 66 per cent in 2016 to 78 per cent in 2025, according to a recent report from Alcohol Ireland, and binge drinking levels are \u201cstubbornly high\u201d. Or as Diageo puts it, they \u201cdrink socially a little less frequently than other cohorts, [but] they do so very enthusiastically\u201d, and it\u2019s mostly at home with friends to save money.<\/p>\n

Drinking isn\u2019t a priority for Uwase, Jov\u00e9 or Baker. When they describe their ideal dates, they opt for budget-friendly activities that can spark something more interesting than a drink in town would. Uwase suggests playing basketball \u201cto see how you manage under pressure or stress\u201d; Jov\u00e9 likes the idea of a museum visit or a hike, because \u201cif it doesn\u2019t work out, you still got something out of it\u201d; Baker suggests bowling or going for a walk or \u201csomething that gets a conversation going\u201d.<\/p>\n

For safety reasons, Uwase prefers not to drink on dates. She recalls how one date was adamant she drink something stronger than the Fanta she ordered, even though he was drinking blackcurrant cordial. \u201cHe only wanted me to drink to get me drunk,\u201d she says. If you don\u2019t drink on a date, she says, you can be yourself and focus \u201con who\u2019s in front of you and pick up on the signs\u201d.<\/p>\n

Jov\u00e9 also likes to keep a clear head on dates. \u201cIf I\u2019m a bit tipsy or whatever, I know the intentions,\u201d she says, connecting boozy dates to more casual hook-ups. \u201cIf I get with them on that one night, I know that the alcohol was behind it. My intentions were not, \u2018I want to get to know you,\u2019 it\u2019s just that I fancy you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Too much choice<\/b>\"CarlaCarla Jov\u00e9: ‘If I\u2019m a bit tipsy or whatever, I know the intentions. If I get with them on that one night, I know that the alcohol was behind it.’ Photograph: Dara Mac D\u00f3naill <\/p>\n

Jov\u00e9, who is newly dating someone, has never used a dating app, but she feels overexposure to so many different people on social media weakens her generation\u2019s enthusiasm to commit to a partner. <\/p>\n

\u201cEvery time you meet somebody, you might like them but your brain goes, \u2018There might be a better option out there,\u2019\u201d she says. \u201cWe just keep meeting people, but never end up deeply meeting them.\u201d<\/p>\n

In Ireland, 20 per cent of respondents to the European Commission\u2019s Loneliness and Social Connectedness 2023 Report admitted to feeling lonely most of the time, and Gen Z make up the bulk of that figure.<\/p>\n

Edel Walsh, a health and wellbeing<\/a> economist and lecturer in University College Cork, says a common measure of loneliness is the mismatch between your desired and actual social connections.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can be around lots of people and still feel inherently lonely, and I think that\u2019s what this generation is probably feeling,\u201d she says, placing blame on the cost of living<\/a> and housing<\/a> crises for limiting Gen Z\u2019s chances to connect meaningfully. It creates a loneliness \u201cthat they may not even realise is there\u201d.<\/p>\n

The match.com survey of American singletons found Gen Z to be the most sexually conservative generation, with 29 per cent saying sex should only happen in a committed relationship. Jov\u00e9 has a theory on this.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you are in a stable relationship, you can have sex whenever you want,\u201d she says. If you are single or in an open relationship, you can go out whenever you like and hook up with whomever you like, creating a paradox for Gen Z that leaves them paralysed by choice. People her age \u201cwould rather take things slow or meet one person at a time instead of sporadic sex\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cA lot of things must align to end up having sex with a stranger,\u201d she says. Things like chemistry, energy, schedules, or the simple matter of privacy \u2013 61.7 per cent of young Irish adults live at home with their parents, according to figures from Eurostat published in May.<\/p>\n

As a liberal Christian woman, Uwase is searching for a liberal Christian man, ruling her out of hook-up culture. Faith-based apps are usually too conservative, so she used Tinder until last summer. \u201cIt just brought so much anxiety,\u201d she says. She was asking herself, \u201c\u2018Why am I advertising myself for love?\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n

Now she is returning to the old methods of dating by scoping out suitors in real life. Or, as she calls it, \u201cdating in the wild\u201d. She has no shortage of opportunities to meet people, with a week filled with dance lessons, comedy gigs, working and meeting friends. \u201cIt\u2019s easy to get a date today,\u201d she says, \u201cit\u2019s just hard to find the one for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

She is seeing someone she met at a salsa class. \u201cOnce I find people that I really vibe with, I tend to fit them into my schedule,\u201d she says, \u201cespecially if they also want to, you know, go to salsa.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Twenty years ago, when I was in my early 20s, I was single, a bit wild and always…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":581544,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_share_on_mastodon":"0"},"categories":[75],"tags":[2190,8106,18,117,12650,6693,8752,19,17,361,167,5584,34020,1114,1150,16247,121],"class_list":["post-581543","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-entertainment","tag-cost-of-living","tag-dublin-city-university","tag-eire","tag-entertainment","tag-generation-z","tag-health-wellness","tag-housing-crisis","tag-ie","tag-ireland","tag-magazine","tag-mental-health","tag-millennials","tag-snapchat","tag-social-media","tag-tiktok","tag-tinder","tag-youtube"],"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@ie\/116906054682744945","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/581543","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=581543"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/581543\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/581544"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=581543"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=581543"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=581543"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}